is it me or you ?

[Anonymous]

Hello Adders,

Just putting some observations into words here…

I am always surprised / shocked to see other people making comments about my behavior indirectly (being cold, thick, not friendly, self-centered, impatient etc)… i believe this happens to majority of people with mental health problems.. what i will be thinking in most of those situations is ‘what did i do wrong (to upset them…)?’ After some more experiences like that i understood that people are less tolerant to someone treating them badly.. with their day to day life they don’t have patience and time to look into the reasons of other’s misbehavior and justify them? Just a thought…. I think people with ADD are called self-centered, ego-centric which comes with not being able to take care of ourselves and engrossed in attending our daily tasks and hence could not even think in other’s point of views. It leads me to question – is it me that is self-centered or others who don’t have much tolerance to others with mental health problems? Just sharing here as i cannot discuss this with OTHERS!! Please share any thoughts?

I read a wonderful quote which somewhat relates to the topic and the same below-

Half the harm that is done in this world Is due to people who want to feel important. They don’t mean to do harm. But the harm does not interest them.Or they do not see it, or they justify it Because they are absorbed in the endless struggle. To think well of themselves.

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[billd]

I’ve been called “abrupt”, “rude”, impatient, etc. – but never self-centered. Most see me as giving too much, and giving too much away. In fact in my auto restoration business, I’ve been told I am WAY too cheap, I don’t charge enough, and I should charge for parts I use from my personal stash to help someone else get going.

A lot depends on timing, situation, my mood, etc. (I can be moody! Go figure)

I do upset folks – but generally because I”m forgetful – I might forget to follow through on something or take way too long on something.

Most of the time my personality makes up for it (I’m a whole lot nicer in person than on the web)

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[quizzical]

No one’s told me I’m self-centered, but I tell myself that quite a bit – which sounds like the proof right there! I’m convinced that I turn most conversations back on myself. And I definitely think being ADD inattentive has a lot to do with it – it’s hard to demonstrate to others that you care when you’re asking them to repeat something! I like to think that I can at least demonstrate emotionally that I’m there for my family, but getting my brain in on the act of listening and contributing is something I’m hoping I can improve with meds and some conscious effort on my part.

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[caper]

I find I am able to perceive other people’s emotions better when I’m taking concerta. When you don’t respond to other people’s emotions, they assume you don’t care instead of assuming you don’t know.

I think the poor emotional perception has more to do with my co-morbid aspergers than with ADHD.

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[billd]

I dunno caper – that sort of makes sense. I’ve seen that happen before. Bad hearing can get you that reaction, too. You’ve been asked a question, you think they made a statement, and they get upset……… OR, ADHD means you were spaced out into some other room when they asked you something, you caught maybe only the last 2 words. They think you don’t care……..

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[Anonymous]

Why is it that with ADHD we are more giving, caring (doormats at times) How could that have anything to do with having ADHD? Just wondering

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[billd]

NAw – depends on your underlying personality. Too much is blamed on or attributed to ADD………. and even without ADD, you’d have a personality!

My underlying personality is so strong, that in some areas, I buck the tide on “typical ADD”.

Doormats – yeah, that part might be ADD related. I know I let things happen that I should not, but then, I’m told my introvert personality is possibly part of that. Avoid interaction, or causing myself to have to contact someone again – just let it go, drop it.

ADD folks are known to “not carry grudges” – however, if I’ve seen a wrong, I can’t let it drop, and I’ll not stop until something is done about it.

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[Author]

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