Dr. Umesh Jain is now exclusively responsible for TotallyADD.com and its content

Just need to vent

Just need to vent2011-10-09T04:14:13+00:00

The Forums Forums Emotional Journey Venting! Just need to vent

Viewing 0 posts
Viewing 7 posts - 1 through 7 (of 7 total)
  • Author
  • #90092

    Post count: 14413

    New to Totally ADD, first time poster. I am 41 and was diagnosed having a more severe inattentive type about 8 months back on the advice of a friend who was frustrated from seeing me look for my keys 3-5 times a day. I’ve been through the up and down emotions, regrets, guilt (im recognize being undiagnosed was a large part of my marriage falling apart) and disappointment – looking back at 4 decades of consequences from this thing. Im on 30mg of Vyvanse now. I wait until I start my work day and it ‘makes symptoms less apparent’ for about 4-7 hours then the help wears off. Without it, I know I could not do my job (I now recognize I have lost many jobs due to this).

    Im glad that there is a community here – that I can relate to many of the symptoms and problems and frustrations of consequences. So community, I just need to vent.

    – Before the meds, I have always felt like I was a walking, talking zombie. My head feels ‘tight’ like its in a knot when im not on the meds. When im on the meds – it ‘loosens’ a bit and I can focus ‘more’ – but I still have problems with distraction, talking over people, organizing.

    – Im so exhausted knowing that this thing never goes away – I just get about 4-7 hours of respite. I find myself having to schedule things ‘i need to get done’ around taking a pill. I hate that. I feel like I need to take a 2nd does – so I dont revert back to zombie mode after lunch and all the way till I go to bed.

    – Im so exhausted from forgetting anything that falls outside of my field of view. I feel like my working memory is shot/non-existant. God help me if I dont remember to put keys, wallet, phone at my ‘home station’ by the door. Just today – prepared coffee, was in my hand – and after putting it down to get my keys, I walked out the door and down to my car without my cup. No more than 5-10 seconds passed after putting my coffee down. This happens with anything and everything – 7 days a week, 365 days a year – anywhere from 5-10 times a day. Im exhausted.

    – Im tired of forgetting that I forget. Im tired of forgetting conversations, emotions, feelings, details, tasks, conclusions. Its like something inside of me is deciding what it wants to remember and what it does not. I can remember passwords, programming logic.. but I cant remember what I was supposed to do when I walked in my kitchen – every time.

    – My meds do nothing at all for my memory issues.

    – So many gmail pop-ups, email reminders, text messages, post-its on doors, cabinets.. They help a little at first, then my mind starts to ignore them. The notes start to blend in to the walls – despite their bright colors. Doesnt my ADHD brain know i need to remember these things.

    – Im saddened that things I know I used to or should be enjoy are boring now. I can only pay attention for a short time – even on the meds.

    – Im frustrated that I continually talk over people or too much – never letting people get a word in when Im doing conference calls.

    – Im tired of walking over things that need to be picked up with seemingly no interest. Im tired of bills getting behind, disorganization with money, mail stacking up, always, always, always late.. no matter what. I recognize I act only on duress or consequences. I wash when im out of clothes. I clean when there is clearly dirt. I take out the kitchen trash when it starts to leave a foul odor. I seemingly lack the wherewithall for so many common things to have focus or forsight that the rest of the world does.

    – I recognize and amd saddened by the fact i know I willfully keep a distance from people emotionally because I dont want to get them involved in my ADHD mess and them being frustrated with things I cant control..

    – My issues are heavy for me and heavy for those around me. Some people understand – some dont, some want to but feel I can ‘snap out of it’ on my own. The heavy makes me in a natural state of sadness and perhaps even depression. I recognize I look sad/angry by ‘default’

    – I try to take Sam-e to ‘Force my mood’ to be higher than it is, but the eventual consequences of ADHD pull me down when things go wrong. Not even sure Sam-e to boost/override my state of overwhelm from ADHD mess is the right approach.

    – I have an amazing job, but I struggle to keep it together. I forget details, im unorganized. I recognize I need to read and re-read and re-read my todos many times in a day to remember what im supposed to be doing. If its not on that list – forget it.

    – I have a 6 year old son, who I know has what I have. He is frustrated by his own symptoms (forgetfulness, hyperactivity) and is upset when my own consequences affect him (ie, forgetting where my keys are = dropping him off late to school)

    – I have an amazing, beautiful, energetic, compassionate and supportive woman in my life, who is positioning to take on this ADHD partner thing for the long haul. She doesnt mind the post-its everywhere, the reminders – she has written some on her own. I know she silently is overhwhelmed by the memory loss. She used the word ‘daunting’ once to describe my mood, memory, etc.. I know my ‘default’ low-energy-mood is a buzz-kill for her. I forget this frequently – and learn it only from her frustration that my default is to be moody from resignation or just in a depressed state. I try to ‘fake myself out’ to be happier when she calls or visits – but I typically slip back to the default state. I saw a post here about ‘sucking the life’ out of a relationship – I know I do the same thing. I literally have notes to remind me to ‘be happy’ when she calls – but then – of course – I either forget or the note has blended in to the background and is ignored. Ive changed her contact name to include ‘Smile!!’ on my phone so I have a reminder each time – but to no avail. I feel like I suck the life out of her natural energy. I want to be happier from the inside out, but the ADHD symptoms are overwhelming for me. What do I do to give our relationship the support structure it needs to survive for the long haul?

    Thank you for reading all of this – im glad if nothing else this site can be a good resource to relate and be supportive of others in my shoes.


    Post count: 14413

    Hi and welcome :D

    I just wanted to suggest two things that you may wish to talk to your doctor about – first, trying an antidepressant, and second, maybe adding a short acting stimulant dose to cover the later part of the day.

    The antidepressant may be just what you need to help improve your mood, so that it’s one less thing you have to try so hard at doing. Dealing with any life changing event can cause reactive depression – I see it very frequently in my job as a nurse, and a large number of the patients I deal with are on antidepressants because they are dealing with life changing accidents or illness that have stressed their emotions to breaking point. Don’t make the mistake of believing that ADHD causes low mood – my ADHD son is a very happy person. ADHD actually causes an inability to supress emotions like most people do in public, but doesn’t make the emotions greater or less than normal. If your mood is very low most of the time, then you probably need to consider the possibility of depression (is commonly occurs alongside ADHD, as does anxiety).

    Adding a second dose of medication that isn’t as long acting as the Vyvanse might help see you through your day without overdoing the total dose – or maybe you are actually allowed to take a second one (I am not familiar with highest dose allowable for Vyvanse). Some kids are on HUGE doses, and some adults are on small doses – it is not based on bodyweight at all, but rather on response to the drugs (and severity of symptoms to some degree).

    Another thought is to find someone (a coach, therapist or similar) who specialises in ADHD to give you and your partner some tips for how to cope with daily life without being bogged down. The CADDAC website has some videos you can watch that might help too (but be warned that some of the videos explaining ADHD can be pretty depressing when you watch them in isolation, but do help lay a foundation for how to deal with ADHD). You are lucky to have a partner who seems like they are in for the long haul. It makes a huge difference to have some support.


    Post count: 445

    Hey Steve: Welcome to the club. Here’s how it works: Many forum members will offer you support and advice. The support is heart-felt and the advice is often useful. Sometimes VERY useful. The only thing we seem to lack is a lot of ongoing input from credentialed specialists. They’re out there, but they don’t weigh in very often. So if you’re looking for support and a place to commiserate, you’ve come to the right forum. If you’re looking for regular expert advice, it’s sort of hit or miss.

    One of the first things you’ll notice is that ADD presents different challenges for different people. It’s a VERY big tent. Some people see it as a blessing—they wouldn’t want to change a thing. Others see it as a curse—infecting every aspect of their lives with disastrous consequences. Then, of course, there are people in the middle. You’ll figure out who’s who fairly quickly. By all means, join the conversation.

    I’m one of those people who believes ADD is toxic for relationships—IF your symptoms are severe AND if you can’t mitigate them with effective medication. Charm and a great sense of humor work for a while, but not so much “for the long haul.” There are several strings here started by partners who are about to lose their minds. Read them if you dare. I would offer only one bit of advice: don’t ever allow yourself to think that because you have an “issue, ” your partner should understand and cut you an abundance of slack. It doesn’t work that way very often. YOU need to understand you have a problem and do everything you can to work around it so it doesn’t leave your partner always cleaning up your messes—literally and figuratively. Good luck.


    Post count: 211

    Steve – I agree emphatically with everything Wgreen said. Count me as one of the ones who one day nearly “lost it” completely. ADD (for me) wasn’t the problem that needed addressing for the moment – although it was one of the contributing factors.

    At that point, I knew I needed to get some help, because I wasn’t qualified to try and fix this thing on my own. And for that I sought out a medical doctor who specialized in cognitive therapy. It worked wonders for me. She would have prescribed something for me if that was what was needed – which was great to know – but she helped me to see myself a lot clearer than I could have on my own.

    Just offering this up in order to provide yet another view on things. Hope you are able to get things sorted soon!


    Post count: 14413

    KrazyKat, Wgreens,wolfshades – thanks so much for taking the time to respond. I will check out the videos at CADDAC and see how I can chime in on the conversations here. Its good to see a place we can be supportive of each other.


    Post count: 206

    Welcome Steve

    ADD is often part of a spectrum disorder that is mitigated or aggravated by other disorders. First off you should talk to your doctor about something with a time release so that in 4 hours the medication has not worn off and you are left floundering. Second I think you need a anti depressant or other mood elevator to help balance your negative thinking cycle. Personally I have a fantastic memory, just not for mundane things like keys, remembering to take the all important things with you. But I can remember everything else. I also tend to be organized when it comes to doing a task. But the residual clutter can be a little daunting for the “normals” out there. But at the end of the day my desk looks neat and tidy. Just don’t ask me in the middle of the day to find something not related to the task at hand. Hubby on the other hand is extremely organized but forgets everything two minutes after it is discussed. A week later he accuses me of keeping secrets from him until I remind him verbatim the conversation. Then he will just brush it off.

    Because we are both ADHD we tend to be alike in some ways but different in others. We relate to one another in a different way then you would with a normal. For the relationship with anyone to work you should be honest about your feelings and offer your partner a chance to be honest about hers. Don’t take it all as criticism but do look at it as a snapshot of where she is at this point. You say that you have a 6 year old exhibiting the same symptoms make sure that you take the time to attend those appointments so that you are able to weigh in with your own symptoms. This will make his road much easier. Good luck


    Post count: 14413

    Steve, so many of us can relate to your OP. I am newly diagnosed, although self diagnosed many years ago. Thus far I am also unmedicated, and just waiting for the insurance to approve the adderall that the dr has prescribed. I completely relate to the talking, talking, and talking part. One of the things that has helped me without meds has been working so early that I rarely get more than 5 hours of sleep a night. I am just so tired that I pretty much keep to myself and have little to say. My biggest issue is also paperwork and bills. I am overdrawn yet again, and late again on my car payment. I just lack the self discipline that it takes to control my money all the time.

    I’m hoping the meds help me out on this at least a little.

Viewing 7 posts - 1 through 7 (of 7 total)