Lack of Direction

[robynshnobyn]

It’s a very conflicting feeling when you have this sense of “I want to do something!” but then, you don’t know what it is you want to do. I want to “grow” as a person, but I don’t know where to start because I don’t know what it is I want to “grow” into. Before, I wanted to be a psychologist and that always pulled me out of confusion and self doubt. “A good psychologist is level-headed!” “A good psychologist knows how to deal with negative feelings effectively!” so it was a good “out” of feeling poorly, as it set a goal of being neutral and understanding.
Earlier this year, there was a major setback in achieving this goal and I haven’t been able to bounce back from it. I simply don’t see the point any more. I mean, is it really worth it? Who cares, any way? The world isn’t going to be cured if I become a head doctor. School doesn’t care, no one listens, so why listen to them?
It just seems pointless.
I keep trying to find a new goal, but I can’t really come up with anything else. If I’m good at anything, I’m good at hyperfocusing on emotions and at the very least attempting to find the meaning behind it. I like to write but it’s mostly self-centred and all over the place and I definitely don’t care enough to write a short story, much less a novel.
Being a psychologist was “the compass” if you will. If I was ever conflicted with a decision or feeling, I’d just choose the one the healthy, well-rounded psychologist would choose. Now I just dwell on the various outcomes my decisions could create, becoming more indecisive.
And now I wonder, what’s the point of doing anything anyway?
Who cares?

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[Scattybird]

Hey – I don’t know the answer to “who cares” but it’s a big question. You should care, and whilst it probably doesn’t seem like it whilst you’re ‘at a low point’ your family and teachers and friends will care too. It’s just that folk have a funny way of showing it sometimes. And we care too!

I don’t know what your setback was but don’t give up hope. When I was at school I kept failing exams and then passing some really well. I was always the kid who could do better.

When I was at school I wanted to be a biologist – but I had setback after setback. But I didn’t want to be anything else and nobody was going to stop me. The teachers called my Mom into school one day to tell her how crap I was and that I’d never achieve anything. She told them if I was crap it was due to their teaching methods. I guess looking back I always had her moral support so I was lucky.

The point of me telling you this is that I retook exam after exam and eventually built up enough school qualifications to enable me to go to college and do a higher diploma. I struggled at aspects of that but got through and then did a bachelors degree. There I found my direction, loved it and now I have a PhD and teach in a good University.

So the point – I just kept moving forward despite setbacks and eventually got to do what I wanted to do.

The advantage of not being put off is that I enjoy my job – it’s an ADHD friendly job in the main although it does get overwhelming sometimes. Also, I am now comfortably off.

If I had listened to my teachers I’d be some bum somewhere probably begging on the streets.

So don’t give in to setbacks. Keep going.

If being a psychologist is really out of the question then look outside the box. You enjoy writing and you DO write well. So if you can’t focus on a novel why not be a science writer – or a medical writer and write about psychology – or a journalist? But don’t lose sight of your dreams. Dreams can come true – but you might have to deal with a few nightmares along the way – but hey, that’s OK because when you get through those you’ll feel pretty good about yourself. Things can be a struggle at your age, but don’t be put off by those around you!

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[friendlymathematician]

I’d be working at McDonald’s if I listened to my teacher’s in high school. Instead, I went on to college and achieved my degree in mathematics after many setbacks. I didn’t always get along with everyone in college.

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[blaze]

I just joined a few minutes ago, logged in, went to forums, and looked at the recent post list. I saw this one and clicked, it jumped out at me like a big red flag!

I’ve always had good intentions and wanted to be in the medical profession. First a Psychologist, then Psychiatrist, then I decided that people couldn’t be helped! Okay, so my thinking has changed as I grew up and know differently. I’m older (46) and have been to college 4 times and still no degree, “I” keep getting in my way and it always falls apart. Pft!

Don’t give up on your dreams of doing something just because one or more things don’t work out. I still don’t know what I should do exactly, but the dream of it exists. You and I don’t know one another and are in similar situations,  eventually “we” will figure it out and decide which path to take. I’ve thought about this for many years and come to the conclusion that “my” time hasn’t arrived and the reason hasn’t presented itself yet. When I have tried to explain this to others it goes straight over their head. I am a firm believer that everything for the most part happens in its own good time and that when you try to force it, it either falls apart or really isn’t what you wanted in the first place.

Don’t know where you are in your classes, but maybe take a semester to take some unrelated classes that interest you? Financially that might not be an option, but if it is, it would keep you in school and might take some pressure off?

Without knowing ( I’m not asking) what your setback was, its kinda hard sorta to give advice or words of wisdom. Personal experience tells me NEVER to stop caring, but its okay to pause and regroup no matter how long it takes. I’m not a quitter, but rather a procrastinator and someone who is easily distracted with too many interests. So my goal now is to narrow down those interests so I can figure out where to go from here. My problem in part is that I do not know where to find help in helping me to decide. I think that is why I am here today. Looking for answers or suggestions.

If you really didn’t care, I don’t think you would have asked/posted your feelings. Maybe you need to write even if its self-centered. I usually tell myself the answer to most problems, what I already knew down deep, by re-reading what I have wrote. That may mean combining txt.doc notes and notes to self on my phone in one place, in an organized fashion and sometimes it can take awhile. Only you can figure out whats best for you in the long run.

I feel your pain with indecisiveness and even though I do not you, I care…

 

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[squirrelygirl]

robynshnobyn, I TOTALLY related to what you wrote.  I have never discovered my life’s passion and have never been a career person.  Not working currently and feeling lots of shame about that.  At 49, don’t have much of a resume to get a job and am not sure what I want to do with my life, but feeling unsatisfied.  Not of the mind-set to work at Walmart.

One of my insecurities is about the fact that I don’t retain information well and so have a hard time speaking articulately about any subject matter, and the notion of interviewing terrifies me.  I have terrible social anxiety on top of the ADD.

Like most of us, I gather, I only feel knowledgeable about things I have gotten hyperfocused on.  I had my own dog-training business for about 15 years because of that, but I was horrible at self-promotion and was a “do as I say not as I do” trainer because I didn’t have the focus or interest with my own dogs to make them exceptional examples of my work.

I guess how our families treated us and our issues as kids has a lot to do with it.  Bravo for Scattybird’s mom trouncing those teachers!  In our family, we were expected to get A’s without fanfare, just what you do, and you’d hear about it when you did less than, so I was a pretty high-functioning student until college, when things really got away from me.

I just wish it would come to me in a dream:  “such and such” is what you’re meant to do and will fit perfectly with your ADD and you will be very successful!

Do you have any hobbies?  Anything that you truly enjoy doing?  Maybe ideas can be suggested with that as a starting point.

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[crystalsphinx]

I can relate.  I have tried changing careers after a break from my former career.  I had so many setbacks at the)3 colleges that I went to that I finally decided to live my life a different way.  Still have lots of problems dealing day to day

 

 

 

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