Lies I tell myself

[ohalloran]

I just wanted to toss this out in the hope that naming it will loosen its hold on me. Below is a quote from a story about a man retreating to a dreaming life. The quote strikes a cord with me because it is a lie I might tell myself.

 

“He dared not disobey the summons for fear it might prove an illusion like the urges and aspirations of waking life, which do not lead to any goal.”

H.P. Lovecraft “Celephais” ©1939.

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[Wgreen]

I don’t know the context of the quotation, but I do know what it’s like to live in a world where fantasies (including nostalgia) often are more compelling than reality, to the extent that it’s hard to deal with daily responsibilities. And I know what it’s like to live in a world where conscious thoughts often emanate from the subconscious and then, like dreams, quickly recede, unable to be retrieved. I don’t know what you call that. ADD I guess.

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[Patte Rosebank]

There are those who say that reality is an illusion.

When you think about it, how much of the stresses & responsibilities in our lives are due to all the man-made systems and rules and obligations that humans have imposed on the world?

Ultimately, all living creatures really need to survive are food, water, shelter, and reproduction.  Everything else is just artificial complications.

Knocking yourself out to get that big presentation done for the bank’s regional sales meeting seems kind of pointless, when you view it in that context, doesn’t it?

 

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[Bibliophile]

Quite the opposite of what Larynxa said.

While it is true that biologically we need only food, shelter (including clothing for colder climates) and reproduction, to actually survive in today’s world, we need money. To do this, we have to have a job, etc. Food costs money, Land to grow food (if not buying it) costs money, Medication to treat illness costs money, etc. In order to make money, we have to have something to sell, whether it is our knowledge, manual labour or goods we produce.

The problem with retreating into fantasies is that it impedes our ability to function in the real world if done excessively. We have enough on our plates to deal with given ADHD symptoms without avoiding reality. We must fight the temptation to withdraw from others for fear of our impulsive actions/behaviours, restlessness or inability to stay on topic making us appear the fool or getting us into trouble and combat against these deficiencies.

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[Patte Rosebank]

True, today’s world relies on money, and without enough money, you’re screwed.  Unless you’re prepared to go off into the bush and become entirely self-sufficient.  And some people are.  Others have no choice but to do so.

But money really is an artificial concept, created by humans, as the driving force in the artificial structures & communities they created.  THAT’S the REAL fantasy.

Money is just bits of paper & metal, which have whatever value humans assign to it.  These bits of paper & metal are a substitute for the traditional barter-based trading methods, in which a person would trade the fish they caught to a farmer, in exchange for some of the crops that the farmer had grown.  As societies moved away from the “hunters, gatherers, and farmers” model, they created systems of currency, to replace the original, goods-for-goods systems.

Like any artificially created system, the value of currency is purely symbolic, and depends on what people consider it to be worth.  For example, the companies who sell gold as an investment, promote it as “the one safe investment, in these volatile times”.  Except that, in the past two years, the price of gold has dropped by 25%.  If nobody’s willing to pay what you think your gold (or anything else) is worth, then it’s essentially worthless.

Look at the massive currency fluctuations throughout history.  In post-WWI Germany, hyperinflation devalued the currency to the point where it took 20 million Marks just to buy a loaf of bread.  But, before that hyperinflation, only the richest of the rich could even conceive of such a huge amount of money as 20 million Marks.

When the currency tanks, people turn to the traditional barter system, because if I trade the apples I’ve grown for the eggs your chickens have laid, we each get the food we need.  But if those apples and eggs are left to rot because nobody has enough money to buy them, then people will starve…and you’ll end up having to kill & eat your chickens, because you can’t afford to feed them, and when the chickens are gone, you’ll have nothing.

My dad grew up on a farm, in the 1930s & ’40s.  He remembers the local farmers back then, having to turn to bartering like that, just for survival.

It’s very telling that, with today’s worldwide economic crisis, bartering is again popular.  So popular, that it’s even featured on some “reality” TV shows.

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[Robbo]

I won’t speak for anyone else but myself here. But I think we all just need some kind of connection with other human beings. We need to do things for people who we care about.

I do that here. I share what I’ve got inside my imagination, I share about my spiritual life.

I just plain share. I do that because I have a need to connect with other people. We all have one great thing in common here at TotallyADD. It’s a horrible malady in the first couple years, sometimes more. But later on, each and every one of us has the oportunity to really grow into a person we like to see when we bee bop into the bathroom several times a day.

We don’t duck away from the mirror like we used to. We don’t necessarily sit there and oogle ourselves either, but it’s safe to say that we can easily tolerate the freak staring back at us each time we decide it’s time to brush them choppers. Right?.

Go ahead and grin to yourself, you’ve earned it.

Go ahead, nobody is looking right?

Just smile then.

R-

PS, my lil romance escapade has ended. But I learned some valuable, and very painful lessons. I’m not feeling all that great about me today, but I’ve got a decent amount of hope. That’s something… Maybe in a week, or a few. I’ll be back to my normal happy go lucky self. Don’t hold yer breath though. She was an extra-ordinary woman, fine and fine indeed.

I’ll miss her.

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[trashman]

Be strong my friend!!!!!

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[ohalloran]

I am not sure I need to but I feel I want to clarify this thread I started. I want to clarify that the quote I included here is a seductive, appealing LIE. It is the part of me that wants to believe that there no value in life but momentary excitement and novelty even if it is only an illusion or fantasy.

My clever mind can see that the perspective is valid. Partly because of my ADD I have learned how often my “urges and aspiration” lead to failure and disappointment.

I do know it is a LIE though. I have done thing in my life worth doing even if in the face of failure it is hard to remember them. For me I suspect the worth in life will be a bit like my perspective on faith. I do not think I will be able to put a concrete name to it for myself and I have no chance of naming what it is for someone else.

I believe my life has worth in the real world even though I have trouble remembering it at times. I also believe there is worth in everyone’s life and I hope you try to remember it.

That turned out to be a lot longer that I thought it would be when I started typing 🙂

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[Patte Rosebank]

@Ohalloran, I figured your original post was throwing out the philosophical chestnut of “What is reality?  Is it really real, or just an illusion?”.

I took Philosophy for a while, when I was in first year, at university.  The discussions were fascinating, but when the emphasis changed to the rules & structures of logic, it all got too much like algebra, which is something that I cannot grasp at all.  So I dropped the course, rather than wait for the inevitable flunk-out.

As for your “urges and aspirations lead(ing) to failure and disappointment”, you’re right to say that that’s an illusion.

Human memories are linked to strong emotions, and we feel negative emotions far more strongly than positive ones.  So, we remember our failures in excruciating detail, and are genuinely amazed when someone else praises us for our successes…because we’d totally forgotten those successes!

Even a negative experience can be a positive one, if we look at it from a different angle.  Did we learn anything—even the tiniest hint—from it?  If so, then it’s a positive experience.

Or, if you’re a writer and/or performer (like me), can you use that negative experience and emotion in your work?  If so, then you’re in a unique situation.  You need to put those “bad” things behind you and move on, so they can’t hurt you any more.  But, you need to remember where you put them, so you can call upon them when you need to use their emotional power.

 

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[ohalloran]

@Larynx, I think you have touched my intent with this post. I wanted to name, claim and place the words. I named the belief that effort in the real held less value then time spent in dream and fantasy. I claimed it as mine in some small way. I put in its place as a lie and an illusion that can interfere with my long term goals.

As you suggest no one is ever “free” of past experiences or beliefs. I hope to take control of this thread of my life so rather than it pulling me; it will be me pulling it.

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[allan wallace]

I must have muslims on the brain, I read that as ….do not lead to any goat!

What is the difference between ‘lying’ and ‘bullshitting’? It’s a fine line, and I do occasionally lapse into those fallen states. Not very often mind you! Very rarely in fact….

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[mulegirltx]

Again @Larynxa proves to be my long-lost twin. 🙂 You touched on something very important–while at this moment money is important to survive in this world, my parents (or for probably most of you, your grandparents) learned through the Great Depression that value of currency is truly an illusion and can disappear in a heartbeat. I often fear that we in the US are very, very, very close to a similar collapse of our economic situation.

Larynxa makes the ultimate point which I often think of and talk about when watching shows like “Antiques Roadshow”–your (fill in the blank) is only worth (fill in the blank dollars) if someone is actually willing to PAY you that amount. Unfortunately, I’m proving myself correct lately. I have been trying to sell some items which are new, and which would sell for lots of money in a store. Sadly, I can’t find anyone willing to pay even 1/4 of the store price for any of them. Ergo, in reality, they are worth zip, zilch, nil. No matter what the websites of retailers say. Further, paper money is really worth nothing at all. At least OLD (very old) coins were made of precious metals and still hold some value (although, again in agreement with Larynxa, gold isn’t as valuable anymore—but thankfully for me, who wore silver jewelry all my life, silver is rising!)

But I digress. I do sympathize and empathize with the desire to live in my memories and fantasies. Always have.

On the other hand, as Robbo points out, the vast imagination and ability to see both detailed and big-picture beauty of ADHD makes us unique in this fast-paced, life-is-passing-by-unnoticed world, is a treasure when seen in the big picture. I mean, seriously–on my death bed am I going to remember how I sweated out my finances in middle age or how I spent many hours marvelling at the beauty of nature and evolution, watching dung beetles solve problems and rolling on the floor with five dogs last night?

I think–I HOPE–I’ll be glad I spent that 5 minutes rolling on the floor and watching the glee in my landlord’s dogs faces that a human would ACTUALLY get down to their level and play with them. Certainly “their” humans (my landlords) never do that. I have spent many, many hours communing with other species. I cling to the hope that, when I’m dying, THOSE moments will seem to be the most well spent.

Or am I lying to myself?

On another note, in some ways I WISH it only took what we need biologically to survive…I actually think I could survive in the wild (after much study and real life experience), but I really love my creature comforts such as TV, the internet, chocolate milk ready to drink, and a roof over my head. Could I survive without the money I so desparately need right now? Oh heck yes. But do I WANT to? No. I have too many domesticated four-legged friends I want to keep with me for that. I just need to find more people willing to pay me for my vast, ADHD-fueled knowledge…

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[Robbo]

I just need to find more people willing to pay me for my vast, ADHD-fueled knowledge…

Bingo!

I do indeed think that you have nailed it my dear.

We usually n mostly sometimes get paid in satisfaction and happiness.

But I would like it probably just as much if, and when this web site really starts to make some money. That Rick and friends would go ahead and send me a check every now and then in case I would like some ready made chocolate milk sometimes, and maybe a few more channels from the cable company too. That’s pretty much it though. I ain’t greedy.

I’m happy enough for now with mixing a lil bit of my chocolate flavored protein powder with the milk all by myself. It’s not bad. Good enough for me folks. heck, I like it.

Good enough.

:-)~

Use your imagination and come with me to a Jane’s Addiction concert!

Let’s Rock you guys!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=43iW8oB20Ps

 

 

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