Well, sort of.
I mean, I just got my diagnosis yesterday, after months of hunting down a doctor, going through all of the tests, seeing a psychologist, psychometrist (I had no idea such an animal existed) and a psychiatrist. Twice.
The good doctor sat down with me yesterday and explained it all, finally.
(And by “sort of” up there, I meant, that from the first time I took the online test here, I was dead certain I had ADHD. I just needed to jump through the hoops to get the final diagnosis)
He showed me the data, and then showed it to me in graph form. I liked that. Made it quite interesting.
You know what? The first sense I had was a breath of relief. It felt good to get the confirmation. All of those years of strugging along, building my own methods and shortcuts for getting things done…… And ALL OF THE TIME thinking that everyone else had to go through the same thing. Only I wasn’t as successful as them. Failed exams. Dropping out of school – thinking that maybe, while I wasn’t stupid, I just wasn’t as smart as everyone else. Or maybe I was too lazy, relatively speaking.
Only to find out – so many years later – that the cards were sort of stacked against me.
It’s a relief, of sorts. Validation, I suppose.
IN YOUR FACE, high school! *grin*
(Oh I got my diploma. I just didn’t bother with much beyond that. The odd college course here and there. Only the *really* interesting stuff though).
Failed two Microsoft exams, and managed to somehow fake my way to my current position. That’s what it feels like. Like I didn’t really deserve it, but managed to fool everyone into thinking that I did.
How frigging backward is that?
I’m anxious now to talk with my GP and get started with medication. The psychiatrist suggested that meds were the way to go, until I can build up a regime of meditation and maybe martial arts. He said the goal is to slow everything down and work at becoming totally and deliberately aware of everything: from my breathing, to the way the pen feels when I write. He said that focus and motivation to do that will be difficult without the short term (his words) use of meds.
So, gang – I’m officially a member of The Club.
Where do I get my songbook and choir robes?
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