Made social errors and never knew it

[Shadow Nexus]

I’v made social errors and didn’t figure it out till much later, often months to years later. It’s happened many times over. I will say something and they will get offended. They will stop talking to me. I might be read their mad, most often not. I’m baffled and look over the event trying to decode what happened.

Also, i’v said talking with ADHD persons is much easier. We are in-sync. These social errors tend not to happen as often. Again vs “normal”, like we don’t have the same non-verbal and style of language.

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[Scattybird]

Yep – I know what you mean. I managed to offend two people today and all I did was express an opinion about a football game. It makes me very aware now about joining into social conversations especially at work. It’s my natural tendency to blab on but I now try to stay quiet. Problems is then people think I am being moody. I guess I have an off-the-wall sense of humor and nobody around me seems to get it – apart from my hairdresser but I am convinced she has ADHD. Why shouldn’t we be able to express an opinion without some jerk saying it’s inappropriate. Inappropriate for what? As long as it’s not hurtful what’s the problem. SORRY guys – just been a bad day but I shouldn’t dump on you. But seriously, how many folk out there are scared to speak socially in case they make a social error? And it’s SOOOOO difficult not to talk!! 😯

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[Anonymous]

I have only been aware of my ADD for a short period of time. But I think we need to remember that the level of political correctness in social settings including work has become toxic.

In my case i am not trying to say that my ADD behaviour is not affecting my social interactions. I have a pretty strong set of opinions that tend to polarize people at times.

AS far as ADD behaviours i tend to interupt and finish people’s sentences, etc., etc. I am willing to learn but i am not going to try and remake everything about me. I will try to control my tendencies and through awareness i hope to improve.

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[Anonymous]

I know that I lack the ability to correctly “read” social cues. I simply do not process unseen messages or meanings, often misinterpreting what I am told and what I am observing. This has led me to be more cautious about expressing myself or sharing an opinion – even now when I think it’s okay to contribute, the resulting silence tells me I’ve messed up again. This makes work especially difficult as the office environment seems to be more geared towards “team players” who “get along” as opposed to people who just stay quiet and get their work done.

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[Anonymous]

Hey FilmB……I gather that is not an unusual trait, but there are tools to work at minimizing mis-reading…..if it’s a problem for you. I’m not suggesting it is problematic for you but……. if indeed it does cause you angst, I’m just sayin….

One of my children is a social magnet…the other couldn’t read a social cue if it fell on her. One could care less about attracting people into their life, the other constantly hungers for social contact….guess which is which.

Toofat

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[Scattybird]

I know what you mean TheGameGuy – I keep saying to myself I’ll be more cautious at work, mainly because there’s a little ‘set’ of folk who like to tease me when I am being particularly ADHD. I have a sense of humor and can generally take it well but sometimes I just want to smack one of them in particular where it hurts. I have told him I find it unacceptable behavior and he’s eased off but that’s mainly because I get the feeling there’s a hidden agenda (but I might be wrong). I can deal with them thinking I’m amusing and fun but it’s not good when the boss gets the impression I’m the office clown because of the actions of others rather than from my own actions.

On the other hand I think Robert is right and we are who we are.

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[laddybug3]

I have a social group and they play card games. It is so hard for me to sit there and wait my turn. One game you have to get ten hands to win. That is ten times redoing the game over again. It drove me nuts.

We talk sometimes, but most of the time it is card games and I cannot stand it. We played outside but people are complaining it is too cold and too dark to go outside. Most of them are late, and when I was younger I got into trouble if I were late. So, it also drives me nuts when I show up on time and no one is there. I spend what feel likes two hours thinking it is canceled and find out it is not. Oh, and it is only two minutes.

Sometimes, I get so overwhelmed that I don’t talk at all. Too many people and I rudely butt into conversations. Most people think it is cute though, still some get a tad upset. I have learned to wait until someone talks to me. I knit while I wait.

Another social gathering they are use to being on time. So one time I showed up late and they let me have it. I had no idea why and did not state that many of them are late showing up. Then someone said they were joking. Only I did not find the humor in the joke.

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[Anonymous]

Great topic!

I’ve had the same experiences as I read here- social cues completely missed and I don’t figure it out until much too late. It’s mortifying! I’ve finally figured out why I struggle to mentally let go of these mistakes that are embarrassing in hindsight: Hyperfocus, common to many of us with ADHD! These moments jump to front and center in my mind over and over again like a bad YouTube clip, no matter how many times I give myself permission for not being perfect and remind myself that everyone has things they’re embarrassed about.

When this happens and I’m in the car, I end up involuntarily changing the radio station on my dash, as if to “turn off” the thought in my mind. 😆 But my best method for stopping the loop is just seeing a big red STOP sign in front of me. This helps me move on to the next thought and let go.

What I’m wondering is, does anyone else do this, and how do you handle the reruns that pop up willy-nilly in your own head?

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[Scattybird]

@laurbuck66

Your STOP sign is a great idea.

You know the bubbles you can blow from soap?…..well I put the intruding thought into one of those (in my mind) and it floats up into the sky and bursts into nothingness and so does the thought. (Well that’s the theory.)

The thing to remember laurbuck66 is that most people are quite self-absorbed. So those things that keep coming to the front of your mind will have been forgotten by others involved. Or if not forgotten, it won’t be important to them. Linear (‘normal’) thinkers are just that, they move on to the next thing whilst we still mull stuff over and over. They probably don’t care after their initial offensive put-downs – or after our social hiccup – so we should learn to move on too. Yeah I know – it’s not easy!

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