mom of ADHD son and just diagnosed with ADD & SAD

[wyowildflower39]

So, hi! I am new here, and just got my diagnoses teusday, its now Friday, and day three of my medication. I JUST spent an entire winter secluding myself away from everyone. Deep, black, dark depression ensued. I have been smart, but felt very stupid my whole life. I was held back in 4th grade because i refused, and I mean refused, to do my work. I drew beautiful pictures instead. The next year I had a wolf of a teacher, and thank god I did!
My whole life I have been told “you are so smart, why don’t you just try harder” while the whole time I was trying as hard as I could!!! All through school, and college, I have been a C student, yet my reading comprehension has always been off the charts. In all my practicals I excelled. All through my teenage and college years up til now I have been on some form of anti-depressant or another. None really ever helping much, and most made me worse!
As an adult I have always had a quick temper. I have hated it. I blow up, scream yell, throw things, and finally end up a sobbing mess. Than i would do what I had to do. I have been miserable pretty much my whole life.
My son has had severe ADHD. I have taken him to countless seminars, parenting classes, counselors, psychiatrists, doctors, different meds and two facilities trying to help him. I have been the only one who can really handle him since birth. In several cases in learning about ADHD, I have had the Omg! I’ve done/felt/acted that way as a kid! Counselors touted organization and strict schedules for my son…and i would think sounds great, anything to help my child!!! How am i supposed to do that for him when I can’t even do it for myself???
I just went through a horrible long winter in which I went into the deepest, darkest place I have ever known. I wanted to die. I stayed in my room, and just lashed out at anyone who tried to talk to me. That would always make me feel worse. I felt worthless.
I came out of it pretty well when the sun came out..but still would have blow ups. Just so tired of hurting my family. I went to the doctor on teusday. I told him everything. I got my Official diagnoses of ADD/ADHD and SAD. It’s now Friday, and three days into my meds. I ACTUALLY feel like there is hope!
I feel like an idiot for not getting diagnosed sooner! I know a lot about ADHD in my son, but…I’m almost 40. So, I have a feeling of now what do i do????? My doc put me on Wellbutrin to treat both the ADD and depression, has anyone else been or is on this? Input would be great thank you!
So here I am, learning for me, and hoping I can beat this thing. Thanks for reading 🙂

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[Babyjo]

But for a few details, your story could almost be mine. You are on the right track. The advice I have (and you’ll probably fail, we all do, I did) is to not look back with bitterness or regret. All you can do is go forward. Educate yourself; it was a great comfort to me. Forgive yourself.

I have something for you. It’s a book on organization, and it was also more than that for me.
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/organizing-solutions-for-people-with-attention-deficit-disorder-susan-c-pinsky/1102498245

A common theme throughout the book is to reduce the number of steps it takes you to do things, and buy more shelving. 🙂 Take a look. I found my copy at my local Half Price Books. It is mostly organization tips, and also the logic behind them. That’s what really got me, was how much sense she made about stop BS-ing that you don’t have ADHD, and just do what you need to do to deal with it. For me it was a message of self acceptance. And heck, if nothing else it really does have a lot of good tips.

I am also on Welbutrin, and my experience is that it didn’t do as much for the H in ADHD as I had hoped, but I am in a generally in a much better mood. I’m not as short of patience and I’m not snapping off at people all the time. I never thought I had a bad temper. I just thought other people were sissies. OK this started out as a book reference and turned into an essay, so I have to cut myself off. ADHD in evidence lol

You’ll be fine.

Also, more charts, if you forget stuff. Marry your day planner. It’s OK if you mess up, get back on the horse. You can do it.

OK I swear I’m done now. 🙂

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[Patte Rosebank]

The advice I have (and you’ll probably fail, we all do, I did) is to not look back with bitterness or regret.

@Babyjo, I don’t think of it as “failing”.  It’s just gradually going through the natural process of coming to terms with a life-changing experience.

For me, it’s a bit like the death of a loved one.  Only, it’s the “death” of the “old me”, and the birth and gradual growing-up of the “new me”.  And like any “death”, I need to take time to understand it and mourn it, before I can accept it and move on.

And I *have* moved on.

I’m working on an audio-project with @Rick, and I put a lot of my own story into a couple of the segments I wrote and will be voicing.   A few days ago, I recorded a test-read of those segments, and when I listened to it, I heard the voice of the “old me”.

And it knocked me sideways, to hear all that pain and depression and guilt and hopelessness that used to be so much a part of me.  It was like listening to an old tape-recording of a long-gone relative…a ghost from my past, whom I now barely know.

As my coach said (after we’d both listened to it and been moved to tears), what’s most remarkable is not just how much I’ve changed since then, but that I was able to take all that pain and turn it into something so powerful.

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[MarieAngell]

@Wyowildflower39, doctors often overlook the difficulties facing parents when they diagnose children. I hear you–all the advice about structure in the world isn’t going to magically make it happen.

Is there a reason the doc put you just on Wellbutrin rather than trying an ADHD med as well? I know people who have had success with simultaneous meds, but, of course, everyone is different.

My son has ADHD as well as some co-morbid anxiety and auditory processing disorder. It’s taking a long time to peel away all the layers of what is going on with him. At first, I was sure it was all just the ADHD.

At least 50% of people with ADHD have co-existing disorders like anxiety, bipolar or others, as well as learning disabilities of various kinds. Very challenging.

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[b482]

First, what is “SAD”?

Second, you described me and my daughter.   Except she is the one who tests off the charts. After finally being diagnosed about 10 years ago, I looked back at my early school years and realized I was depressed even as a child.  Because I experienced it myself, I am able to recognize the same behaviors and feelings in my daughter and explain to her what she is feeling.  We both take Concerta for our ADD/ADHD.  She also takes  Strattera (at night because it makes her extremely sleepy). That helps with her moods and is supposed to also help with her ADHD.  I take Cymbalta for my depression.

If you haven’t heard of it, contact the school counselors at your son’s school and try to get accomodations for him through the 504 program. They can make individual adjustments to accomodate your son’s difficulties. (e.g., reduced homework, breaking down big projects into smaller chunks, additional time for testing, etc.)

Hope this helps!

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[SweetWriter14]

Also check for the book called “Attention Deficit Disorder in Adults – A Different Way of Thinking” by Lynn Weiss, Ph.D. She has ADD, and so does her son. She raised him while arguing with the school’s administration, supplementing his education as needed, etc.

I just did a much longer post on this in the “Myth Debunking” discussion. It includes Dr. Weiss’s list of 29 positive attributes of ADD.

Thanks!

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