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My ADDiction to Independence – Reaching Out Is Hard To Do!

My ADDiction to Independence – Reaching Out Is Hard To Do!2015-01-18T00:51:15+00:00

The Forums Forums Emotional Journey Ups and Downs My ADDiction to Independence – Reaching Out Is Hard To Do!

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  • #126454

    Post count: 18

    Hey there, hi there, ho there!

    Wow, this is REALLY hard for me to do, but I’m reaching out.  I’m an independent woman, (and you’d normally) hear me roar!  And yet, today I’m whimpering, I’m floundering, and feeling low.  You see, it’s been a few months since my diagnosis, and I’m still trying to come to terms with it.  At first, I wasn’t going to tell anyone and was going to figure this out all on my own.  But with my procrastination and short attention span, I haven’t made much progress – in fact, things just got worse. 🙁

    The thing is, when I’d tried to reach out for help in the past, it only led to no results and an ever-decreasing pocketbook.  I’d already spent several years with a psychologist/coach and MD trying to figure out my procrastination and time management issues – but they never thought about testing me for ADD.  It was ME – I’M the one who figured it out – yup, Miss Independent! 🙂  I went to my psychologist/coach to get the official diagnosis.  At first, he didn’t feel it was necessary to test me – but I insisted that he dust off that ol’ DSM book to be sure.  He was totally shocked – sure enough, I had it!

    So now I’m trying to find an ADD Coach who can help me with CBT.  WOW, are they expensive!!!  I’ve already spent thousands of dollars trying to address my procrastination/time management issues, to no avail.  I’m no better off than when I (reluctantly) reached out several years ago.  I honestly just don’t have the resources to spend thousands more, even though I now know I’ve got ADD.

    Thank God for Totally ADD!!!  I checked the Coach link to see if there are any coaches willing to do pro bono work with me, but haven’t heard anything back yet.  So this is hard for me to do, but I’m reaching out to all of you because I know you’ll understand.  Any advice?

    Roaringly yours (with a slight whimper), Leila xo


    Post count: 1096

    Hi – welcome to the forum. It’s a great place to come to and be able to just talk and be yourself without any judgement being made. We are all in this together which is liberating and even if you don’t get advice, just writing about stuff is cathartic.

    Like you I am independent and this is the only place that I talk openly. Without the folk who use this forum I would have gone mad after my diagnosis.

    I have never used a coach. I am still in that stubborn stage where I know what needs to be done but I have to yet admit to myself that someone might be able to help. An accountability buddy might be cheaper than a coach. Your coach will need to give you more than what you can find in books and on line to be worth the money.  I think it’s worth giving a coach a try.

    Two books I found useful were ‘Taking Charge of Adult ADHD’ by Barkley and ‘ADD-Friendly Ways to Organize Your Life’ by Kolberg and Nadeau. Also, Google ADD Crusher – he has a useful little video on distraction amongst other stuff. But of course this site is a wealth of information and advice and there is no better forum, at least not that I have discovered.

    Before I was diagnosed I had developed a range of coping strategies. I knew I had to fight procrastination and distractions so I did. When I got older the symptoms got worse – probably because I had more to juggle at work and pulling all-nighters to get by wasn’t sustainable any longer. So I went to a psychiatrist and got my diagnosis. I was so pleased to know there was a reason for all my issues.

    My worry now is I don’t seem to be able to use my old coping strategies as well as I could before. I don’t know if that’s just overwhelm or whether I now think I have something bigger to deal with. Now instead of procrastination it’s ADHD I am battling against. Sometimes I wonder if knowing makes it appear like we have a bigger battle on our hands than we perhaps do. On the other hand, my coping strategies weren’t working anymore which is why I got help. On balance I think it is good to know what we are dealing with.

    However, I think we need to be careful that we don’t wallow in the diagnosis – it is a part of what makes us who we are, but it shouldn’t rule who we are. I think I wallowed in it, but am slowly realising that I just need to get on with my life and not allow it to be always in my mind.

    I went down the medication route – partly because I was curious and partly because if I hadn’t done something drastic my job was potentially at risk and I couldn’t allow that. Medication helps me see what I need to do – I think if I saw a coach with the meds I would learn new habits and strategies more easily than without.

    Anyway I am rambling. Actually I am procrastinating because I need to finish a report today and I am putting it off!

    If you have coaching then choose an ADHD knowledgeable one and not one who doesn’t understand. Let us know how you get on. 🙂

    PS – Another book I found helpful from a work perspective was ‘Eat that Frog’ by Brian Tracy.  It is not written for people with ADHD specifically and could be classed as one of those awful self-help books, but I found it helpful and very readable and read it more than once and will read it again for reinforcement. It’s available as an e book.  (Did it work?…well I am still procrastinating, but am going to sign off now and eat my frog even though I have just wasted two thirds of my day!!)







    Post count: 18

    Thanks, Scattybird!  You’re right, I’m focusing too much on the wallowing – and I don’t like seeing this side of myself!  I’m usually a go-getter, or at least a calm “go-relaxer” 😉 – but until now, I didn’t see myself as a wallower.  Blah!

    I’m really hoping I can find an ADD/ADHD Coach – I think it’s the only way I’ll break through my “wallow wall” (fingers crossed!!!).

    I’ll check out the books you recommended.  I’ve heard of ‘Eat that Frog’.  I’m currently reading ‘FAST MINDS – How to Thrive if You Have ADHD (Or Think You Might Have)’ by Dr. Craig Surman and Dr. Tim Bilkey.  The FAST MINDS acronym stands for:

    F – Forgetful,
    A – Achieving below potential,
    S – Stuck in a rut
    T – Time challenged

    M – Motivationally challenged
    I – Impulsive
    N – Novelty seeking
    D – Distractible
    S – Scattered

    I think I saw a forum here where we can post/share these resources, right?  I’ll post the FAST MINDS book title there, as well.  🙂

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