my ADHD sons and volatility/anger expression……

[gypsybelle]

their wives call it “no filters”, I never thought of it that way but it fits. I also have ADD without the volatile/anger expressive “H”.

My “H” is mostly in my brain.Sometimes I feel very hurt and rejected by one or the other of them. I am very much prone to walking on those eggshells with my oldest, I expect him to become loud or hurtful toward me if he becomes angry, so I try to avoid it. My other son is very affectionate with me, good with hugs and warmth and empathy, but also he can be rude or crude with his language, or say things that I can tell have not been thought through. On the other hand, each can be thoughtful and surprizingly caring.

Every day talking or spent with them is an adventure……

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[Anonymous]

Having ADHD/ADD can be very frustrating especially during teen years. If your kids are middle school/ high school they are probably experiencing a lot of difficulty and frustration which could be causing the anger. My own mother during teen years would yell at me which triggered my anger. She did not understand how hard it was for me to remember things even small tasks. I find patience and resilience to be the best virtues one can have when dealing with an ADHD/ADD child/teen. Coming from teens to my now mid twenties am still dealing with some issues like starting treatment all over again. With that said though over the past 10 years I have learned a lot and that anger/frustration with myself and others has died down. What worked / helped me a lot was volunteering for a local organization that helped kids. Not only did I get to mentor them but the people that worked with me ended up mentoring me. A positive environment has a huge effect on teens with add/adhd. It’s not an easy situation to deal with…. Some of the best things my mom could have done were get me treated/tested everything after that was my willingness to change and accept it. Honestly things will get better it just takes time. I don’t know what or where I would be if my parents didn’t have patience.

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[Anonymous]

Also watch a lot of the videos that are on this site.. You will learn a lot from this community and there is a huge source of information here. Watch as many of the clips on TotallyADD.com. The more you watch the more understanding and insight you will have with your children. My personal favorites are well ALL of them. Dr. J is probably better for parents. Hes straight forward and has great factual information. Though don’t get me wrong I still suggest taking time and watching the Rick Rants/Bills ADDventures.

Knowledge is Power.. wait What?

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[gypsybelle]

Thank you Andrew, for your info and insight. We did go through many of those things when the boys were teens. Neither of them got any more help except medication at that time. They have both experienced a lot of situations in their lifetime, and can handle social situations and professional situations rather well. The stuff I have anxieties about have to do with our personal relationships, and those with people who dont know them as well. I think with D. it is a result of tapering down medication. He can do his work well, and seems to be good with his friends, and can be socially adept and polite. He is a professor at a university, and since he can do all his work well with very little meds now he chooses to do it that way. He is thinking about medical effects on his liver over time. It is, I guess, more at home [his home, my home] that he lets the filters relax. If I think about it, I am more concerned with him and my partner, J.. He is 70, and I am 66, He has come from a very polite family who doesnt act like we used to act as a family…boistrous [?] and sometimes kiddingly sarcastic with one another. J is quieter, he has been convinced that D does not like him from some things like, for example, not wanting to talk to him on the phone for a minute, or saying offhanded things in a kidding way. Now I think I am getting to the core of one of the problems, just writing this. I got to the point that I decided to visit alone, and not expose J. to D. or vice versa. I couldnt take it anymore trying to explain things to each of them. At that time D apologized about the phone thing, and offered to talk to J about whatever he wanted to say. I let J read the email, and it helped a little. J said it was ok that he didnt have to talk to him. but some of the problem I know is different upbringing and different social behaviour.

My other son R is always nice to J but doesnt really listen sometimes when J is speaking. I know that is just how R is, his mind drifts, but it is still difficult. We dont see R much as he lives a good distance away with his family.

Wow, thanks, this is helping. Yes knowledge is power…

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