My emotional journey…

[jpsimard]

Hello fellow ADDers,

I think I’ve hit that crash that people kept telling me about. I understand that it’s the last stage before “acceptance” and moving forward. I came to an earth shattering realization the last week or so… and that is that MEDICATION IS NOT A CURE. This had a two tiered impact on me:

1) Oh crap – my symptoms aren’t gone.

2) …I’ve been giving my mother (bipolar) and my brother (a-typical schizoaffective disorder) a hard time my whole life, because I ASSUMED that their medication would just make them NORMAL.

So… this has been a bit upsetting. I guess I didn’t really understand that the medication really only helps manage the symptoms, which leaves me with a whole lot of personal responsibility. To be clear, this is a responsibility that I’m not afraid of, and I embrace! I just wasn’t expecting it. The other part was that I apologized to my brother and mother yesterday when I realized just how judgmental and un-supportive I’d been for the the majority of my life. Now that I have a first person understanding, I can really see where I made some mistakes with them.

All that being said, of course, I am still working forward… and I don’t feel like I’ll have a total crash. I have too much good happening in my life for me to really sink that low again. (I hit a crash, two years ago… and from there, I say NEVER AGAIN, if avoidable). The good things that I am thankful for every day are:

1) My beautiful, loving, supportive and above all PATIENT love, Ellen.

2) totallyadd.com Between the forums, the videos and the documentary I have more support than I would have imagined possible.

3) You mean I’m not Lazy, Stupid or Crazy?! by Peggy Ramundo and Kate Kelly. Honestly, if you’re just starting out with an ADD diagnosis, I HIGHLY recommend this book.

4) Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Dummies. Yes, I mention this book a lot. YES, I believe in it.

So while dealing with a life’s worth of turmoil and self confidence issues is troubling, it is worth doing. I have goals that I am heading towards. My indiegogo project ( http://www.indiegogo.com/justinopera ) hit the ground running, and I’m getting a LOT of media attention from it. (I’m being interviewed on CBC radio 1 in the maritimes in about… a half hour. Streaming to be heard here: http://www.cbc.ca/video/radio-popup.html#/networkKey=cbc_radio_one&programKey=charlottetown or check their website for a pod cast here: http://www.cbc.ca/closetohome/ ) So I’m definitely getting a lot of un-solicited praise which is helping me out a whole lot.

Had I know that I’d be hitting an ADD diagnosis, I don’t know if I would have bitten off so much when I did… but I have, and I’m not afraid to tackle my whole life head on!

– Justin

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[jpsimard]

As an aside, I just read one of Will Ferrel’s tweets… and he said, brilliantly:

Think POSITIVE: I fell down the stairs then said, WELL I GOT DOWN THOSE STAIRS FAST.

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[Anonymous]

Just catching up, I have a lot to offer, just not tonite. The Will Ferrel tweet totally cracked me up. For some bizarre reason, I have developed a positive attitude. Pretty much about everything. Yes, definitely a survival mechanism. My story to follow…

Way to go Justin, thanks jpismard…i think I just got your moniker, you are not mared, you are special.

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[Author]

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