My first meltdown since… (just venting)

[Anonymous]

So on Sunday I was told the plans for Monday, we were to obtain a new vaccume cleaner, and a rug doctor. The furniture has been moved the stereo was moved to the living room from the basement, and now the carpets in the basement need to be cleaned. First obtain a new floor cleaning machine. So the old man left a note saying that he was out and about to get a new hoover or whatever. I saw the note at 7:00 am (i’m an early bird, Usually much earlier though). Got ready for the day and by 8:00 was waiting for the new machine to come in. 10 oclock, 11 oclock, my mom calls, she has my son and wants to meet for lunch. “Sorry mom, I have things I have to take care of today.” 12 oclock, old man comes home, no vaccume cleaner, no rug doctor, hasnt even been to the store to look yet. 12:30 he leaves again, 1oclock, 2 oclock. nothing. 2:30 he walks in the door. I had wasted all that time waitng. I was a litle upset about it but dealt with it on my own quietly and privately. Get done with cleaning and re-araging. we’re done by 3:15. yeah not a lot of work for all the flak I was getting on Sunday about it. I heard what he said but I interputed in my mind that it was important and needed to be done by a certain time despite him not putting any kind of emphasis on time. “We’ll get the carpet cleaner later” “it doesnt really look that bad anyway”. Ok great I can finally start “my” day, yeah no one ever thinks that I may have responsiblities or things i’d like to do. ie go to the grocery store to stock up before the ice storm hits. Call my friend Steve up, “yeah i’m free now lets hang out”………and then… “kyle lets go get that rug doctor and take care of it now. “well steves on his way but give me a minute and i’ll call him up and cancel” Ok got that done lets go. Get to the store, there are a million people stocking up for the storm. Waiting,,,,,, waiting…… waiting….. find something to do kyle…. scratch the top counter until your next. Either I was standing there for a long time or I was moving at an alarming rate because I went straight through the lamination and down to bare wood with my finger nail. I’m very aggitated at this point and ready to explode but i’m still able to manage. We get the rug doctor, get home. I call steve. “looks like it wont take me so long, sorry can you still hang out?” Clean the carpet, have to take the machine back to the store. I’ve calmed down a considerable amount by now. Get to the store, there are still tons of people in the store. Had to wait for ages to just return the machine. Only 6 people ahead of me, cashing checks, buying stamps, and money orders. By the time I got through the line and was talking to the manager, I couldnt stop shaking I was so upset. I was so cool when I had to wait durring the day even though I was loosing time and had to cancel lunch with my mom and son. I told the manager look we have to do this fast, I have a condition that makes it hard for me to be here doing this right now. So he was cool about it and got me out quick. The adderall had worn off and my back was acheing, it was loud or at least I hear it as loud in there with a multitude of beeps and blips and people talking, it was almost like overload for me. I could feel all the anger and frustration that I didnt think effected me earlier in the day rise up from inside of me. It was a very familar feeling that I hate to get (almost like there is someone sitting on your shoulders compressing your spine, my head was in a whirl wind and focusing was hard. I started to take deep breaths to try to calm down while I waited. After a few minutes of this I realized that I was just breathing faster and harder, it wasnt helping. I was just getting dizzy and tingly all over from lack of oxegen. It really sucked. When I made it out of the store, I almost ran because i was freaking out so much about everything that happend. Steve had followed us to the store and so I just left with him. I couldnt have appologized more to him in the next 30 minutes of the car ride because I was yelling and cursing (which is not like me now a days) I was to say the least pissed off. It was good that it was Steve that I was venting to, I dont know if anyone else that knows me would have been able to take care of the situation like he did. It was so nice to be able to vent and for him to not get upset because I was yelling, and aggitated. He knew I felt bad for doing it at all. He knows how I was before I started treatment, and i’m glad that he knows that I had taken quite a bit that day and just couldnt keep it in any longer. It almost feels like since I started taking the adderall that I dont seem to be bothered by anything. That doesnt mean that I dont take it in and process it, I just dont seem to be as bothered when on the adderall. When I come off of it though I start to do the million possiblities in my brain thing and the old habits kick in. I have to talk to my theopist about this. i’m sure he’ll love this story.

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