MY LIFE IS HAS BEEN CYCLE AFTER CYCLE OF COMPLETE FAILURES

[jojosephine]

IT STOPS NOW

I knew I was a complete failure. I just marked it up to just being messed up by life experiences or I was just being punished by some “higher entity”. I just couldn’t get life right. Everyone had their lives together but me. I am 40 yrs old and I just discovered I am suffering with Adult ADD. I stumble across it when I was researching a disorder my oldest son is being accessed for. I was flabbergasted by the description of Adult ADD. Immediately, I text my mom and asked her what was the “learning disability” I was diagnosed with in Grade 6. Her Answer back was “mild ADD”.  I began to sob. All these years I should have been treating my ADD into adulthood. Instead, I hated myself worse and worse as the cycles turned over and over again. Till now when it has to stop for the love of my family. My Anger. My desire to leave.

I have failed at everything over and over again in my life. 

the cycle begins..

Enter passionate relationship (sometimes move to a new location), dropping in and out of school, taking courses here and there. working a job, losing or leaving a job (sometimes multiple new location on my own), losing or leaving an intimate relationship to another one (sometimes moving to a new location). Where the “new location” fell in the cycle, differed between cycles. There was always a move to “start new” whether the relationship started.
After being broken, beaten, exhausted, depressed and/or anxiety ridden. I get help medication (only treating anxiety or depression when I had them), therapy and/or self-help. I “heal” then the cycle begins again.

There has been 7 cycles of this until now. I am beginning my journey now to stop another cycle from happening again. I am very excited to see a whole community of people out there sharing in my condition and I am looking forward to learning more about this and reading about experiences from others.

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[Wgreen]

Alas, “discovery” ain’t an on-off switch. ADD will dog you your entire life. Meds may help. Other strategies also may help. But you’ll likely always have challenges. You’ll find this forum is divided mainly between people who think AD(H)D is a terribly debilitating disorder and those who think it’s the greatest thing since e-mail. A few will say it’s “just an alternate neurology.” While I suppose that’s basically true, I’m not sure that’s much more helpful than the view of people (like myself) in “camp one.” It’s certainly not going to help turn your life around.
I imagine there will be a flurry of posts on your string. You’ll see for yourself how diverse opinion is among people diagnosed with Attention Deficit. (And I’m sure the same thing is true of people diagnosed with lots of things.) Here’s hoping that meds can make a big difference for you. But you’ll undoubtedly need more than that. The site is chock full of tips.

I’m so sorry your life has been so difficult. At least you now know it’s not all your “fault,” for whatever that’s worth. Best of luck going forward. And welcome.

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[Patte Rosebank]

@Jojosephine, welcome aboard!

Please remember this: You are NOT a failure!

Please also remember: You’re definitely not alone.

You’ve just discovered something about yourself that explains what was REALLY going on. It wasn’t YOU who “failed”. It’s just that the jobs and situations and timing were wrong for you.

As for not getting your ADHD treated after childhood, that’s not surprising. Most of what we now know about ADHD was learned within the past 10 years. Including that you DON’T outgrow it.

I had my “Aha!” moment in March, 2010, when I was about your age.

It was a total surprise because I’d never even been tested for a learning disability. I was one of those “gifted” kids. Until I hit university with its almost total lack of structure and accountability. Then, I crashed and burned, but somehow managed to earn a B.A.  This was followed by many years of bouncing from lousy temp job to lousy temp job, along with a couple of “permanent” jobs that were such a disaster that being fired came as a relief.  As you’d expect, anxiety and depression were my constant companions.

ADHD was something we’d never considered, until my brother saw a newspaper article about Rick Green (whose comedy we’d enjoyed since we were kids). But Rick wasn’t talking about his comedy; he was talking about his ADHD. As my brother read the article, he was amazed at how well it described me. He sent me the article, with a big note: “This sounds just like you!” And it did.

Since then, I’ve been learning all I can, especially by interacting with other ADDers right here in the Forums. And I can’t believe how far I’ve come in just three-and-a-half years. I still have good days and bad, but the bad ones aren’t nearly as bad (or as often) as before, because now I know what’s going on, and I can usually figure out what to do about it. If not, I can post about it in the Forum, and someone’ll give me a little advice and encouragement.  And I’ll return the favour for someone else who needs a boost.

Having ADHD is a lifelong thing—like being left-handed in a right-handed world, or the only 7-foot-tall Pygmy in the tribe.  It does NOT mean that you *can’t* do things. It just means that you need to find a different way of doing them that works for YOU.

Eventually, you’ll discover that you don’t “suffer” from ADHD any more. You just *have* it.

Believe it or not!

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[trashman]

Welcome, I have no great words of insight for you! but I can tell you that I will be here to listen and cheer you on.

 

I think that the above insights are very true and well worth taking to heart! know that there are a lot of good people on this site, and will give you some very wise insights

 

 

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[jojosephine]

 

 

 

 

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[seabassd]

Welcome @jojosephine,

Thanks for sharing. It feels so good to share, doesn’t it? I love that aspect.

A book which I really love and wouldn’t be without is “You Mean I’m Not Lazy, Stupid or Crazy!?”. It’s a must have in my ADHD library.

Welcome, Welcome, Welcome!

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