Nature vs. Nurture?

[Lindstr7]

I was just diagnosed and have started meds this week and its amazing what a transformation my life has taken in just a few days! I realize I’ve had this all or most of my life and I saw in the videos where Dr. explains that it is genetically passed down.

My reson for this post is my daughter. Her father is likely nOT ADD and I most definitely am (convinced my ADD ruined my marriage). She has not been evaluated yet (because her Dr. is in a different state, long story), but I wonder if she has it too or if its just a matter of not learning skills most people would from their parents. She is cluttered and unorganized and her grades are atrocious. She can’t remember to do anything I ask her unless I repeat it 20 times, and even then she forgets. However, in every other aspect of her life she is great. She has tons of friends and is very social. All her friends turn to her for advice and really like her a lot. She is also a very creative, funny person.

I’m wondering if the environment I created for her, the chaos of my life, not getting her organized or teaching her the things she should have been taught has contributed to her lack of focus. I’ve already noticed a change in HER since taking the meds a few days ago. She got her homework done early, she is making plans ahead of time with friends and seems more organized. i mean I never even had her laundry put away in drawers but rather in a big pile in the laundry….the “clean” pile, and now that I’m getting it together, could it be possible that she will too due to her improved home environment?

Anyone have any thoughts on this? Thanks.

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[Hans]

Lindstr7

I would not beat myself up.. ADHD is a genetic condition and I would not try to relive the past. Work on the future. Since ADHD is genetic there is a high probability your daughter has it.

My sugestions.

I would explain to your x- about having been diagnosed with ADHD and that you are now on medication….

(GOOD PART)…. He should see the change in your personality since starting medication…(you are not he same old “FLAKY YOU”

Pleas eexplain to him that ADHD is genetic and there is a posiblity that your daughter has it also….

Ask him to watch “ADD and loving it” .and talk to him about it. He should see some of the traits in your daughter (organization/clutter/inability to process verbal instructions. etc that you have noticed0..

You might suggest to him to agrree to have her checked.BY A DR-SPECIALIZED IN ADHD… There is nothing to loose. If she has it she can be treated. If your daughter does not have it then all the better. Hopefully this will be a joint decision. ADHD is a family issue even if you are no longer married to each other..

Having your daughter checked will give you peace of mind and greatly help any anxiety/guilt/stress you might have..

If you check the formum you will notice that “WE” are resiliant.. Medication/counceling will help you deal with the difficulty of raising a child. Think of yourself as being “REBORN” enjoy your life and your future.I assure you it will be marvelous.

Good luck on your journey

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[Lindstr7]

Thanks for the response Hans. I agree with all you’re saying, and I will be getting her tested next time she goes back to California which won’t be for several months now (cost prohibitive otherwise). I still wonder though if a child being reared by an ADD parent could exhibit behavior patterns deveoped over the years which are similar to that parent, but not be ADD themselves. I’m finding that since taking my meds, my child has perked up a bit herself, seems more prepared for school and happier. I’m not in “denial mode” or anything like that, if she is diagnosed, then I have no problem having her treated, I’m wondering if anyone else noticed after having gotten it together, via meds or whatever, if they noticed changes in their childrens attitudes or behavior. (her father is not ADD). Thanks.

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[Hans]

Lindstr7

Your daughter could be picking up on your ADHD traits/stresses. I know my grandkids walk on eggshells at times…”Mommy is going to be pisses” was my granson reply when some water got spilled.

Now that you are on medicines and calmer your child is picking up on that peace and calmness. . Kids are resilient…The DR will be able to sort it all out.(ADHD or not) It will take a little bit of time..

In the mean time enjoy the fact that you are on the road to recovery and that your daughter can be checked out…You are working toward the solution in the correct manner (my opinion-disclaimer)

Good Luck

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[Anonymous]

My;side of the family all have ADHD…. I was raised by a mother that held three jobs moved all the time, she didn’t have good traits neither does my sister and I …. My brother is the only one with out it… In School bad grade and in my days it was rough having this.. But today kids have a better chance the school have programs… If your daughter has the traits… get her help and tell the teacher’s there is help… But it is hard II look back on my life and it is rough having this….Clamdigger

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[Anonymous]

Clamdigger, Hans is right. It is just to painful to look back on the past, but there is a lot to look forward to once you get a diagnosis and get medication. You must be from the Jersey Shore. I almost took the member name “Clamdigger” myself.

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[Lindstr7]

Well, my daughter was tested by her therapist who told me she did not think she had ADD. So, maybe it WAS just me all along, passing on bad habits and creating an environment of mild chaos, making it nearly impossible for her to learn good habits. AAHHHHHHH!….deep breath….. okay, not the end of the world….there is still time for a 16 year old to change right?

@clamdigger, yes, thank you for that. I got it from my father, not happy times, spent so much energy and years of analysis, self-analysis, to figure myself out. I guess I’m just grateful that I became aware of the condition in my lifetime so I can have something to look forward to for once.

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[Anonymous]

I’m from Nova Scotia live on the South Shore…. My brother never got any of our traits….. I belive that they can’t be pass on… My sister and I are the same has my mother…. My sister Rosann is calmer thinks things out and got good grades… If you look within your family and cousin’s I have one Grandson with it and he is always in trouble… The other’s don’t and they get good grades and never in trouble…. Some people can have a mild form of ADD I have the ADHD so does my mother and all of my cousins…..One cousin has two kids with and one without so go through your family history….. But I have big regret with my kids and I wish I had someone that would of taken me aside and talked with me…. But I can’t change what I was like but i became better with things around fifteen years ago….. and my grandkids love me … Talk to your daughter about this….. my mother’s ADHD it wasn’t good for us as kids…. And I don’t have a realationship with her… we forget they are only kids… I can’t turn back the clock but I was 95 percent a good mom… My mother ended up losing a son and daughter it will happen so take heed it is only a house… People don’t amire a super clean house they come for the company…. I was the same my house is a bit messy now I’m not so uptight with it and the kids have a much better time… Clamdigger

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