Neighbor thinks I might have ADHD, I'm not sure (very long, I ramble)

[colliequest]

My neighbor brought ADHD up to me. This was particularly interesting to me, because I had been wondering about it and had actually read quite a lot about it over some months sunder last year. But I had dropped it because it was just so confusing and thinking about it began to disrupt my daily life, and thinking about seeking a diagnosis made me anxious

So my neighbor was getting worried about my working memory. I’ve done work for her for years, she’s used to my memory being sort of dodgy. She could ask me to go get the mail on the way back from walking the dogs, and half the time I won’t remember. She can ask me to help her remember something and I usually don’t, so we both forget. I’ve left my stuff at her house, borrowed stuff and not remembered to give it back for weeks. I did yard work for her the other week and then left the tarp in her driveway. Yesterday I forgot I was supposed to come over at 11 am, I glance at my texts around 1:30. Oh crap! I left a half empty can of soda on a shelf in her garage because I set it down and forgot it was there. I can totally miss stuff that’s right in front of me, and I’m not the person to ask to go and look for things because 6 times out of 10 I need help to find it.

When I go do work for her daughter, her daughter doesn’t have much patience and she complains that I can’t hold more than a couple instructions in my head at once. She adjusted this by giving me only a little to do at once and simplifying the instructions.

She was getting concerned because I’ve always done stuff like this, but it’s more frequent lately. So she says she mentioned it to a friend at church and they suggested ADD. She has children and grandchildren with ADHD, so she’s taking this seriously.

Honestly, some stuff fits.
I’ve been trying for years to find a job. I can’t stick to the job hunt with any consistency. My house is a wreck and I can’t keep up with even basic housework, not constantly. I’m terribly disorganised, and I didn’t realize how much stuff I was forgetting to do until I started keeping a simple daily to do list.
Every once in a while I panic at what the future holds for me. I’ve felt for a long time like something is wrong with me.

A ton of my childhood behavior fits the typical mold for ADHD. I got in trouble near daily at school for talking out of turn. I dominated conversations in general, had trouble waiting for my turn to speak, and often forgot what I wanted to say in the first place. I had an intense hyperfixation on dogs and my step dad was worried because it seemed to be all I could think about. I’d ask my teacher questions about dogs in history class. I remember feeling emotions very intensely and my mother considered me to be a strong willed child. If I was happy I was super happy and bubbly. I remember at times being so angry I couldn’t see straight, and would hit inanimate objects.

I took an interest in random things, which my mother tried to encourage. It almost never lasted long. I still have tons of unused needlepoint and cross-stitch patterns, science experiment kits, etc. I took paino lessons for years, but after a certain point I just couldn’t stick to practicing. I kept going to lessons, but my progress all but halted because I barely practiced and my mother was too busy to push me anymore.
I remember my mother talking to me, asking if I was listening, I’d say yes and believe I had been, but when asked to repeat back what she said I could not.
It was an extremely consistent thing in my childhood to take at least two hours to fall asleep at night. With no external distractions, I didn’t even have a tv in my room and this was before cell phones were everywhere.

I think my grades in elementary school were okay. Throughout most of my schooling I actually scored well on tests. Often, I got a low score on tests where I knew material because I made careless mistakes (My mother started homeschooling in 3rd grade upwards.) Middle school, I began to run into problems. I’d be spending all my time on homework. Me mother would be schooling me all day because I wasn’t cooperating well. I begged and begged for extra holidays. By the end of middle school I had failed math, and was very burnt out. My mom said I probably just needed a break from school, and she did too.

This is already super long, so I’ll just say that after this point I had to finish up high school by going to GED classes. Which were a super positive experience for me, and despite being 3 years behind in math I was able to learn what I had missed for so long with the right resources.
Then, after GED I took my SAT. After that I lost all direction and well I ended up where I am now. A lost adult who can’t even provide for herself.

YOU CAN SKIP DOWN TO HERE, I KNOW I TYPED A NOVEL UP THERE AND I’M SORRY

In all honesty, I would like to believe I had ADHD. I would prefer to believe that the thing I’m struggling with are not just me being lazy. I’m honestly trying very hard, just I get lost somewhere in the process.

However, a lot of the stuff that people with ADHD say they can’t do, I can. I can read, for hours. I can even study, though consistency probably is a problem. I can watch and pay attention to most movies, unless it’s a war movie, then I get lost. I can do conversations and remember a lot of what other people say. I’m definitely not the hyperactive motor mouth I was as a kid. I’m much more quiet and don’t even know what to say half the time.
My mind does wander in church, but I can often still listen enough to get the point. (Oh yes, but I do need a fidget toy. Otherwise my nails are going to be bitten and picked ragged.) I DO loathe business meetings, I’ve taken naps before then on purpose so I could have the excuse of “I overslept!”. I get super fidgety during them. I can try to tune in and at least know what topic we’re on.

What I definitely am, is disorganized, have poor time management, and moderately forgetful. But I don’t know if my problem is focusing, though focus on the wrong things, yeah I do that, and it can disrupt my work at times.

After I told my neighbor about my childhood, she seems pretty certain that ADHD is with looking into for me. I’ve shared my doubts with her, but not the extent of them.
IS ADHD worth looking into for me? Is it possible I had it as a kid but just grew out of a lot of the symptoms?

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[That Guy with ADHD]

Hi Colliequest,

Welcome to the wonderful world of ADHD. I certainly think ADHD is worth getting checked out. You will find many people posting to this site wondering if they have it. Most of the time they describe ADHD symptoms to a tee. ADHD symptoms can change over time so I’m not surprised yours are different from when you were a child. If you can find a physician or psychiatrist that can assess you for ADHD it could be the start of something good. If you have it they will likely prescribe medication but they are very well researched and are considered to be extremely safe. There are other things you can do for yourself that will help. Diet and exercise are the most important things. A high protein diet, especially in the morning is a good start. Exercise can come in many forms but the rule of thumb is “Anything that’s good for the heart is good for the brain”. Other things will also help like having a place for everything (i.e. keys, cellphone, wallet (Purse) etc.). I’m just starting to journal things I need to remember and rely on my calendar in my kitchen to keep a visual clue of appointments, deadlines, bill payments, birthdays, etc.
I think the biggest thing of all is to get an ADHD education. Learn as much as you can from reputable sources like this site. There are many great blog entries, forum posts, and videos. There are also some good web resources out there too. I found that I benefitted most from meeting other ADHDers at my local ADHD support group. Even prior to my diagnosis I found a large number of kindred spirits who were more than willing to share their experiences with me.

I wish you best of luck on your journey.

Richard
AKA That Guy with ADHD

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[colliequest]

My neighbor does think I should go ahead and try to see a doctor and says she’ll help me figure it out. I’m still not sure, but it won’t hurt to check anyways and I do feel better with her in my corner.

I guess I’m just very much doubting it, because most of the people who I’ve seen describe ADHD say they can’t read unless very interested or hyperfocussing, and I read quite a lot as a kid. That said, I love fiction, whether in books or on a screen. I love it a lot. I would spend nearly every moment of my whole life immersed in it if I could.
I can also study, which is another reason I’m just very uncertain. Like for example, two years ago I would lie down and read a bit out of the driver’s ed book every evening and I did pretty well with that. (I just couldn’t find someone who had time to teach me, so it never went beyond that.)

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[colliequest]

I’m also just afraid of being one of those people who comes in to a doctor thinking they have a problem but they really don’t. Some articles I’ve read talk about that and make me anxious about being that person, which makes me overthink and not want to go through with it. That said, I am struggling. And my neighbor is concerned about me. She says she can see me being in the same place I am now in five years, that I’m not able to take care of myself, and I absolutely agree with her.

I’m just not sure if ADHD is the explanation. The stuff about disorganization, having poor time management, resonates with me very very strongly. But I don’t have trouble with conversations (aside from being very shy and not sure how to interact with people), other stuff that I most commonly see others say they can’t focus on no matter what they do, doesn’t seem to be quite the case for me. I struggle mostly with the ability to organize myself enough to accomplish much.

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[That Guy with ADHD]

If there is one thing I’ve learned it’s that each person is unique in the type and severity of their symptoms. I’ve heard of many people being able to read well but can’t focus on getting things organized. I think the most common symptom is the brain always on the go with no off switch even at night. It’s been described as watching TV but somebody else has the remote. My brain will jump from one topic to another at the drop of a hat. It would go something like this.

“The dishwasher needs emptying”
“I used to wash dishes at this nightclub downtown”
“When you’re alone and life is making you lonely You can always go downtown.”

And before you know it you’re on Google looking up Petula Clark

Have you tried the ADHD test on this site? It’s pretty general but a good start at determining if it’s worth persuing.

Richard

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[colliequest]

I have, I’ve taken it multiple times actually because I get to questioning some of the stuff I said yes on wasn’t actually that bad and it’s really hard to know, so I kept redoing it. It has said it’s worth pursuing, but it’s confusing still. But I guess that’s why you need a professional, no one can really figure this out by themselves.
My brain is pretty active, and definitely keeps me up at night. I’ll think of something funny and that triggers a bunch of other stuff. It’s entraining, but not very good for winding down for sleep. There’s always at least one song playing, among other things. I know other people get songs stuck in their heads, but I don’t know if it’s constant for them.

My neighbor has told me today she really thinks I have it. I just don’t know and keep thinking of reasons I don’t. Honestly it’s causing me a lot of distress at the moment because my brain keeps hyperfocussing (the best word I can think of to describe it, sorry if I’m misusing it) and scrutinizing every single detail whether I want it to or not. It’s actually making me feel pretty anxious and drained.

• This reply was modified 6 years, 1 month ago by colliequest.

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[That Guy with ADHD]

I’m sorry to hear that this is causing you so much stress and anxiety. Before I knew about ADHD I suffered from anxiety and panic attacks along with my depression. They are all disorders that are associated with ADHD (co-morbid). When I discovered that I might have ADHD (at the ripe old age of 52) things started to make sense and with help I have been able to get some relief.

I wish you all the best regardless of what choice you make. Just remember that you can come here anytime for help or a shoulder if you need it.

Your friend

Richard

AKA That Guy with ADHD

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