New here and frustrated

[Anonymous]

Been registered here for a while now but never made a post , here is a little bit of my story:

Two years ago after life handed me yet another setback, I took a little time to evaluate why there was a cyclical pattern to the ups and downs in my life. My sister in-law is a teacher and works with children who have special needs, during a conversation with her one day she asked me, ” have you ever considered being tested for a learning disability or ADHD and other things like that”.

It had honestly never occurred to me. Next day I made a few calls and two months later went for a day of extensive testing. I got the results of those tests some time later and as you might expect because I am now a member of this forum the results told me that without a doubt I was ADHD. I also have some of the associated issues of co-morbitity including very obsessive compulsive behaviour, an anxiety disorder and some learning difficulties surrounding coding and information intake.

Shortly after this diagnosis and a second opinion from my family doctor and the psychologist I was seeing because of some very severe inter personal issues on the job I made a decision to return to school and make some real concrete changes in my life. Armed with the new knowledge and having the ability to be allowed some concessions by the educational institution you would think that I could manage.

It is now almost the end of the second semester and I have reached a point of sensory input and stimulation that have rendered me almost immobile.

The last project was a couple of weeks of hyper focus with little time for anything else, made a video about mental illness to see if I could make my classmates understand why I seem distracted some days, I find that the next course I need to complete is nearly impossible.

The past three days have been an almost fruitless attempt to get organized and do some work coupled with approximately 4hours sleep in that same period, worried I am not going to get the work finished, it always amazes me that I can go from focused to none at the drop of a hat not to mention that the course is important and that just adds to the stress and over thinking. I so hate it that I can do it one minute and the next I can’t, I’m able intelligent coherent and together for a couple of weeks and then suddenly I’m a cabbage.

So thats my little introduction, a bit ranting I guess but I am having a fairly bad day. may need to do a little course load adjustment or take a break from it. Sort of pisses me off really you would think that after over half a century I would have a better sense of what my abilities are and my strengths and weaknesses.

Not the case. Even though I understand this illness a little better and recognize that I have it I get somewhat angry that it is the tail wagging the dog all the time, did I mention frustrated as well.

Okay I think that is enough or I’m just going to go on and on.

REPORT ABUSE

[Author]

Posts