New relationship advice

[tdentay]

I’m in a new relationship, some years since my soon-to-be-ex betrayed the family and bailed out. I’m working very hard at controlling many of the overt symptoms of ADS and we’re looking for some meaty info on how to build a great relationship from the getgo and keeping in mind what we’re dealing with.

Any ideas?

I’ve seen some of the books that have the odd chapter or two on relational aspects of ADS but I sure ain’t gonna buy them based on that slender amount of info.

In fact, it sort of drives me into the direction of penning a book on the subject if there’s not any substantive info around (I’m also a writer – have been for 40 years now).

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[Anonymous]

Isn’t it funny that so many with ADD/ADS/ADHD are writers. I know that I can write prose like nobody’s business, but I can’t carry a verbal converstaion to save my life. And my wife can’t write worth a lick, but is a fantastic verbal conversationalist.

We don’t talk much.

I have seen some good recommendations for books in other posts in this forum, but I don’t recall which threads they were in. Looking around, I don’t see a “search” function for the forum ??? Sorry I can’t be of more help.

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[Clive]

I was thinking about my relationships , and what i came up with is i was looking for a relationship that would help me make up for my lack of attention to detail .

As we know that does not work .

Anybody else have any ideas ?????

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[Anonymous]

Hi gang got no real advice as I myself am taking a second swing at the grand adventure we all call marriage. Funny thing is though my new wife seems to comprehend at times and others not. But she always and I repeat always seems to give me the benefit of doubt and will forgive me after she has had time to cool off. Just starting to investigate treatment and hopefully that c=and some communication skills on my part may make things better will keep those inquisitive minds updated. (Oh and BTW don’t mind the handle its my gamer tag)

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[tdentay]

Ahh! ADS people tend to be writers, hmm? Interesting…but not very funny (not to be taken seriously as it comes from the ancient SNL).

My grand adventure(s) at marriage is/are nothing to boast about. In fact, I think I’m allergic to marriage. But just want to avoid the sins I have committed previously.

Thanks, all.

T

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[JimC.]

I recently bought a self help book on love, relationships and sex for ADD’rs. I read it voraciously. I cannot recall a single recommendation, let me get back to you.

jc

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[Clive]

LOL Jim

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[Anonymous]

Oh JimC .. LMAO. That is just too funny

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[JimC.]

OK found the book. It’s lengthy for a forum but here goes…. “ADD & Romance – finding fulfillment in Love, Sex, & Relationships. Jonathon Halverstadt, MS.

Covered are 1)making poor partnering choices; 2) unrealistic ADD expectations 3) challenge of good communications 4) sexual intimacy and ADD, the erratic/erotic attention span; 5) positive attributes of Add in a romantic relationship 6) making your love last 7) help for the hurting Sweetheart approach 9) Fifty ways to keep your lover.

Some you’ve heard before, some not. Parts seem good, if only I could a) remember them and the b) use them. Why don’t they write things on a 9″ nail that could be pounded into my forehead?

Here’re some cut/paste reviews from Amazon.ca – $13.99 there….

A.D.D. & Romance is a “Must Read” if you have Attention Deficit Disorder and you are involved in a romantic relationship!

This easy to read book is a “gold mine” of practical information that can be used by folks who have ADD as well as their partners to enrich their romantic relationship(s).

Jonathan Scott Halverstadt, M.S. is up to date on the latest research and theory related to attention deficit disorder. He speaks “from the heart” and I guarantee you this book is just “packed with information” that will help you to understand your own romantic behavior and will give you lots of tips and strategies to make the most of your romantic relationship(s).

I’ve read at least ten books on ADD and many of them were very helpful to me. However, A.D.D. & Romance by Jonathan Scott Halverstadt, M.S. is by far the best book I’ve read on the subject of ADD and romance.

5.0 out of 5 stars helpful in understanding how &why i function as i do, Nov 10 2002

By newly diagnosed college student (north carolina, usa) – See all my reviews

i found this book to be extremely helpful. everything i’ve read deals with what makes someone add and ways to deal with add (ie. meds and orginational skills). being that i was only 17 when i first read it, i did not apply it to any kind of romantic relationship but to realtionships with my parents and my friends. more importantly it made me very aware of some the bad, hurtful habits i have (like interupting) that i didn’t even relieze 1)that i was doing it and 2) that they might really be hurting people and my relationships with them. Help other customers find the most helpful reviews

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2.0 out of 5 stars Poorly written, Sep 5 2002

By A Customer

While this book may contain some good information and practical advice, I could not get past the sloppily written introduction or langorous details of chapter 1. A good editor would have been a godsend for this topic.

What was the question again? :o/

Jim

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[Anonymous]

Have any of you ever asked your “significant other” a question, and then three minutes later have to ask the same question again because you weren’t paying attention?

The second time around when you hear the answer, combined with the annoyed tone in their voice you realize what you’ve just done.

It’s as if the data entered a queue or “buffer” of your brain, but it hasn’t been allowed into your CPU yet.

Drives me crazy. I can only imagine how my wife feels.

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[veronica]

clive

I was thinking about my relationships , and what i came up with is i was looking for a relationship that would help me make up for my lack of attention to detail .

As we know that does not work .

Anybody else have any ideas ?????

dude, i have this…. and now he’s tired of having to make up for lack of attention to detail. he is also tired of making up for uncompleted tasks that i start. it weighs down on peeps eventually.

DogFather

Have any of you ever asked your “significant other” a question, and then three minutes later have to ask the same question again because you weren’t paying attention?

The second time around when you hear the answer, combined with the annoyed tone in their voice you realize what you’ve just done.

yes! in fact i do this fairly often. and again, my hubby is tired of having to repeat himself and having to remind me of the conversation we’d already had in regards to whatever question i asked.

the other day he just gave me a look and i knew it, just by the look, that’d i’d already asked him that. so, i said, “i already asked you that, huh?!” he shook his head yes, and waited for me to go through my memory bank to remember the time and place we were at while already discussing it… sure enough the answer was there. so, he said he’s just going to give me that look from now on, if it’s something we’ve already discussed. this should be fun.

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