not had that "connection" in dating

[Shadow Nexus]

No dating advice please! This is about making connections as an ADHD person.

Everyone seems to talk about that “connection” you make on a date with the right person. I’v had crushes, but not that fabled connection. Meetings with women always go the same. After a while, no connection is made. I’m bored out my mind. She or I slip away when possible. End game.

In an acting class exercise in college, you tell a lie or a truth to the class. They try to figure out which it is. I choose truth. I told them, “I’d never made a dating connection to anyone.” Everyone said lie, except one. I told the class it was a truth. There was collective gasp and mumbled chatting. Then it hit me, the one who said truth. I looked back at them with my jaw on the floor. There was another who hasn’t??

Dating is about making small talk for most. Going out and talking trivial things for the date then maybe a kiss at the end. You have to worry about awkward silences and making good small talk.

I hate small talk with a passion. If your not talking about something intelligent, don’t say anything. For me, there is no such thing as “awkward silence”. I can only talk for a short time in person before I start to burn out and get tired. My ideal date would be watching a SCI-FI movie or series marathon. We get close, watch, and say nothing for seven hours straight. Watching quietly, a science program on real theoretical warp drive or the science behind the sixth sense. Then have an intelligent discussion afterward. If things go well, we kiss.

How many women can keep quiet for that long?? How many women would never consider small talk?? There is no such thing as awkward silence??

I know there is one other person who has never made a connection. I have know there are more.

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[Anonymous]

I’ve been thinking about the dynamics of dating lately, as I am trying to get back into it.

I would be your very worst date ever!!! I am an incessant talker who can’t deal with silence! I get bored, so we need to talk + do something. I get too bored to just sit around and talk.. but get bored to do something with someone in silence. I don’t watch TV at all, unless it is something really interesting. My last ex boyfriend was ok just to sit in silence for hours; drove me nuts. and me constantly poking at him to do or say something drove him nuts. lol.

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[Shadow Nexus]

If there are any others on here, please post. Being of one of two people isn’t enough. Else, don’t thanks.

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[Anonymous]

Dating is tough for me because I am really shy and have a hard time breaking out of my shell. Once I do I think I overwhelm people I am loud, talk too much, constantly switch topics, and so on.

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[billd]

And there’s my twin sister right there. That’s me, 100%. To a T.

“social anxiety” was what the neuro-psych called it as one of the pieces of ADD.

Anyway, what you said describes my issues with dating……………….

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[Anonymous]

I’m quite frankly opposite. I connect with others easily. But, I have to admit I’m kind of fickle. I have a serious relationship right now and we get along and are more compatible than I’ve ever been with anyone else. He does not have ADD. I’m an extrovert and get my energy from being with people, even large groups of people. But, I’m finding that less the center of the joke now that I’m somewhat calmer and more focused and not incessantly talking like I do unmedicated.

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[munchkin]

Maybe the talking is just a way of connecting. A lot of women have an innate need to connect in order to feel reassured that “it’s all good.” We will talk about anything at all just to get you to talk back, to hear your voice, to share the moment. We are hardwired to find security.

If small talk is annoying, you might need to find a different way to connect. Eye contact and touch can fill the same need in a woman that talking might do. Also, if you were to explain how small talk ruins the mood for you, without anger, blame or judgement on the other person, maybe the two of you could figure out a mutually pleasing way to interact.

I think it’s all about “we” and not “me” – which gets hard when you are alone a lot. I found that when I had a long “dry spell” I just had to start seeing people I didn’t think I connected with to get back in the swing of the “we” thing.

Just my thoughts – take it or leave it.

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[Anonymous]

I’m a “LEO”, through and through……nuff said.

Toofat

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[Shadow Nexus]

>Dating is tough for me because I am really shy and have a hard time breaking out of my shell. Once I do I think I overwhelm people I am loud, talk too much, constantly switch topics, and so on.

Sounds like nervous babbling. Some of us do that including myself.

I get drained from being around people in-person. It just takes about 10-20min before i’m drained and need to sleep. Take a car ride as an example, this great scenery is going past, breath taking views, and what is she doing, babbling on about nothing trying to fill the silence. LOOK A THE DAM VIEW GOING BY! Geez. Another one, talking during new movie or TV program. Both are massive turn offs.

Eye contact is non-verbal communication. There is no need to say anything at all. Words are not needed, just a look and/or touch. Never talk during a movie unless you’ve seen it at least ten times. Even then quick statements, not to spoil it.

No is such thing as awkward silence. Long hours nothing but silence. When we do talk it’s about important things, not small talk drivel. It’s lets get to point, get the problem solved, and discuss only as long as needed. For more complex issues, the convo runs it’s course and ends. Most people settle because it’s expected. I’m not one them.

I’v given up in-person meetings a while back. I’m on the third dating website and last. Things look good, but i’m realistic. I’m willing give it a few years. After that, it’s time to accept my fate. She doesn’t exist in the real world, only in my mind. I’m not there yet, but the idea of accepting it is getting easier with time. I’ll just assume she isn’t my type and not bother trying.

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