Obsession with spying on woman

[hommebleu]

Hello,

I am wondering if someone could answer my question. It seems all my adult life I have never been able to shake off this constant tendency to notice woman. On one hand there does indeed seem to be an obsession with sexual thoughts but it is not that I am necessarily aroused. This of occurs constantly while I have been single for several years however even when I have entered into a committed intimate relationship with a woman I am really in to, I still fear the inevitable which is that I continue to notice (and “fantasize about” I suppose although it doesn’t go much further than the obsession of looking).

I wish to clarify, I have morals and I believe in respecting woman and I am against the objectifying  of woman’s body. At times I thought of myself as a victim of the Playboy culture. I am very careful never to make a woman uncomfortable when I am in her presence and even when I am being a “voyeur” I am careful not to allow the person notice I am obsessively looking at her.

OK so here is the question – is it possible that this could be a symptom of my adult ADD? I don’t want to be constantly distracted by other woman especially when I will eventually be in another committed relationship. Is it possible that a medication might help me stay focused in the present moment and avoid this kind of obsessive voyeurism?

REPORT ABUSE

[hommebleu]

My choice to describe my behaviour as spying on woman  probably was my way to try and attract more readers and get a quicker response to my dilemma.

I  am concerned whether my disclosure might lead people to perceive me as some kind of immature sex-obsessed loser. I hope people will not read my post in a judgmental way but rather will appreciate my authentic cry for help for a most frustrating obsession and/or symptom.

I suspect my obsession with constantly thinking and secretly ogling woman could be a symptom of my ADD. This behaviour certainly has caused me to feel a lot of shame just like many other aspects of my ADD.

Regardless of why I maintain this constant distraction in my head,  I realize the real issue is my inability or my unwillingness to live in the present moment.

When I go to my mindfulness retreats, we practice something called custody of the eyes. n I  need to apply this principal to my daily living, My mindfulness practice is probably the answer I was looking for when I posted this query about my obsessive sexual fantasies with strangers.   Perhaps this is really all about me learning to truly appreciate what I have as opposed to longing for what I don’t have?

 

REPORT ABUSE

[seabassd]

@hommebleu

No worries, I understand you’re just sharing what is going on with you and are looking for some feedback.

An overactive mind can definitely get you in some mental loops. I know I’ve dealt with obsessional thinking and rumination, how much of this is ADHD I’m not sure.

It sounds like you’re aware that doing something to the point of making someone else uncomfortable is not a good thing. It’s important for us to step outside ourselves and consider how what we do affects others, ADHD or not.

Men look at women that’s what we do. I can’t think of any male I know who is attracted to the opposite sex that doesn’t get distracted by women. Even my most conservative friends will steal a glance, married or not. Make sure that you’re not making a mountain out of a molehill. Maybe you’re saying to yourself  “Don’t Look! Bad Person!” and making things worse, “obsessing about obsessing”.

Not sure how much medicine will help with this. Maybe it will lock you in a bit on what you’re doing and therefor decrease the wondering eye.

 

For me, I have a tendency to fall into obsessional thinking and ruminating when I’m self monitoring a bit too much. Somehow I’ve gotten on the mental track of observing in an obsessive manner how everything and everyone I come in contact with are affecting me. What helps me, is to shift focus from “What’s going on with me?” to… what can I do for someone else. Maybe I’ll touch base with a parent or family member who I haven’t spoken to in a while and who I know would love to hear from me. Doing some physical labor for someone that doesn’t have the time or isn’t able (I did this on Saturday) helps me quite a bit. Making up a care package for someone else and going through the process of getting it mailed out (I would like to try this).

Thoughts come and go, some we’re o.k. with, and some tend to weigh us down. We don’t have to follow them, or believe them to be true.

 

REPORT ABUSE

[lindsey3]

About 4% of adults have ADHD, but I don’t know how this % is divided between men and women  – lets say 2%. All women around the world have been ogled, objectified, rubbed up against at some point, whistled at, had men talk to their chests and SO ON. Women get used to men and boys ‘spying’ on them from girlhood onwards.

I don’t know if what you feel and do is different from the majority of heterosexual men, but am  pretty sure that is has nothing to do ADHD.

Maybe you are just another misogynist? Women are used to men being this.

REPORT ABUSE

[Author]

Posts