Of being alone

[firechild]

Ive been incredibly lucky. I’ve been blessed with parents who not only worked hard to understand ADD but worked hard to both give me support while helping me forge my own independent life. The problem is they’re getting older and I’m terrified. I have friends and other people in my life, but no one who I’ve ever felt loved and accepted me as much as they do and the idea of not having them around sometimes brings me to tears at night when I’m not distracted by life. I almost wish I could just move back home so I could spend more time with them. How do you handle these fears? Does anyone else have issues with fearing loosing people? I just really want to know I’m not alone with these fears

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[Misswho23]

Your not alone. I went to see a therapist when my mother became ill with heart issues. I was trying to get my life in order and me and my sister were doing the bulk of the caregiving. It was actually when I sought help for dealing with my mother that the therapists diagnosed me with AD/HD. I had always suspected it though.

My whole family is adopted although my older siblings all came from the same family. My older siblings were adopted because their birth mother had died and they were still young. Our father who adopted us then died when I was too young to remember him. And I found out a couple of years ago by birth father died several years ago. So I never had the chance to meet him. So I’ve had a lot of death and loss at a young age.

There are times I wonder if my overwhelming feelings of losing people close to me stems from that. I think to a good extent it does. But over my life I have always felt separation and loss more deeply than others seem to. I think in retrospect AD/HD may have a part in it. I really can feel emotions intensely. Both good and bad. It sometimes can be overwhelming and I have to remember to slow down and breathe.

It’s a really hard part of life to watch your parents or parent in my case get older or become ill. It brings up a lot of emotions and for me feelings of loss and that I really have no control over somethings. But I remember all the good things and that those memories are something that can never be taken away from me. And I’ll be o.k.

I wish I had some profound advice. I talked about my fears with my therapist. I have close friends who also have aging parents so that helps. They know what I was going through when my mother was ill. She’s ok now but I have to face she is elderly and won’t be here forever.

Hope this at least helps knowing that your not alone in feeling this way.

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[ashockley55]

I, too, have this fear. Right now, I am single. And sick. I have a cold, but, other than that, I have a blood pressure issue that, along with ADHD, hinders me from getting a whole lot done on my own. Often, I find myself wishing I had someone to help me. Particularly when I’m acutely sick, I wish I had someone to run to the store for me to get medicine, or kleenex, instead of having to just suffer or drag myself, sick, out to the store to get it myself. I find myself thinking “I want my mommy.” She lives four and a half hours away, so I can call her, but she can’t do an errand for me, or fix soup for me. At those moments, I want to beg her to move in with me, even though that would probably be a mistake (We have a much healthier relationship with distance.) I often wonder what will happen to me if I remain single for the rest of my life? When I’m an old lady, will I be alone? How will that work??? Who will take care of me???

I cannot fathom my mother passing. I don’t even want to think about needing, wanting to call her and ask her some cooking question, or just talk to her, or make sure she is okay, and not being able to do that.

I am an only child. I have no other family than my mother. I have very few friends.

I often feel like an astronaut, disconnected from the spaceship, floating alone in the universe.

Ha, was that melodramatic enough? Truly how I feel though!

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[trashman]

Asshockley, don’t feel bad I am the youngest of nine,married with two sons.I think if it was not for my disability payments I would be living alone. sometimes I feel so disconnected I think I would be better off. some days i would like to disappear and just be alone, and anonymous no more judgments.

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[shutterbug55]

Hi Fire,

Firstly, relax. Take a deep breath.

I am 57 now, and I was blessed to have known my Great Grand Mother. I would sit for hours listening to her tell stories about her life while she was growing up. She was the first person I knew who died. I knew all four of my Grand Parents, and while they treated my brothers and sister FAR better than me, I listened to everything they had to say. Later in life, I used to hang out with a pretty rough crowd, and I lost a couple friends to accidents and misadventure. We were all too tough to admit it, but we keenly felt the loss.

I fought in a couple wars, and lost quite a few friends and aquaintances. My father is gone now. My mother is getting tired and slowing down. My older sister died of cancer. She of all my siblings, was more of a mother to me than my own mother. I depended on all of these people in my life. Some of them who were supposed to be good to me, weren’t too good to me and didn’t help me that much. Others were there and looked out for me, taught me things I needed to know and very literally made me the person I am today. Their passing was a HUGE loss to me.

I don’t attend funerals. I prefer wakes. I would much rather hear and tell stories about these people, than stand around in a suit and tie surrounded by tearful mourners. I want to remember these people and their personalities. Not as some dead shell in a box.

The moral of the story? People are going to come into our lives and for good or bad, affect us in ways we can’t possibly imagine. We love them, we cherish their company, we get frustrated at them, and sometimes we may even dislike them, and when it comes time, we say good bye to them at their passing.

I will bet your parents taught you how to become independent along with all the other stuff. If there is more you want to learn from them, now is the time. If this whole thing of their passing still bugs you, talk to your parents about it, or talk to your psychiatrist, or close friends.

One of the benefits of this thing called ADD, is we tend to live in the moment. I try to use that whenever I start to worry about the future and other things I can’t control.

Hope this helps.

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[shutterbug55]

I thought of something to add: With all of these people coming into my life and leaving my life, I am not really alone. I am finding, I isolate myself out of choice for my own reasons. I am finding there are people out there that want to help me, and it is up to me to accept that help.

Moral of the story? Look around at the people around you and see if you can find the ones who want to help. You might be surprised at how many there are.

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[firechild]

Thanks everyone for your comments and support

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