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"Outed" without my consent

"Outed" without my consent2012-09-21T04:39:50+00:00

The Forums Forums The Workplace The Law/Employment "Outed" without my consent

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  • #91042

    Post count: 59

    A few months ago I began a new job. My previous workplace was shut down by the owner without notice one afternoon, and by the next morning I was already re-employed! Good timing, and I’m a pretty good catch! ;-)

    Anyway, I work closely with one other person in the company, and my filters and ability to tell white lies are both a bit lacking, so when I had a doctor’s appointment followed by a new prescription and she asked what it was for, I said, “actually it’s for ADD”. It turns out that in a previous life she worked with kids with learning disabilities and was very familiar with ADD and disclosed her own OCD. At this point I thought – Great! We will hopefully have a lovely working relationship moving forward, with lots of mutual understanding.

    Then a few weeks ago she said, “you’re going to be really angry with me.” Why? She proceeded to tell me that in a meeting with our bosses (the owners of the company), she told them about my diagnosis. Apparently for my ‘own good’ as they were questioning some blips in procedure and she felt that this explained the situation. She also, ever so kindly, let them know I was on new medication, and that she was very familiar with ADD, so they didn’t need to worry.

    Since that time I have, obviously, lost any trust I had in her, and consequently our working relationship has spiralled downhill. At the same time it turns out she’s more than a bit manipulative and is probably digging her own grave with no input required by me at all. I chose (ADD-speak for impulsively didn’t act) not to address the breach of trust with my bosses. A large part of me felt that if I brought it up it would reinforce its existence.

    I’m angry because I know that if you don’t have it, it’s pretty rare to truly “get it”. I hate knowing that I can’t make them ‘unknow’ this about me.

    My HR trained brother-in-law was outraged and touted human rights, the disabilities act, etc, etc. I just don’t know that I have a fight like that in me. I just want to do my job and be happy. (Actually, I want to marry rich, but that’s for another forum..)

    My co-worker is in the midst of being caught out for blatantly lying to create rifts between other staff members (very passive/aggressive childishness, but extremely destructive behaviour which is threatening people’s livelihoods), so for now I’m content to lay low and stay out of the line of fire until the dust settles. I am however starting to formulate a letter (my best form of communication) to the main owner, outlining a couple of changes in my work environment and work load that would be beneficial for both the company and for me. And I think I will emphasize the positive ADD traits to try to better tailor my job to my strengths.

    If it all goes to sh*t, my dad has an extra room at his place… ;-)


    Post count: 596

    Remember that old adage: don’t fix what ain’t broke? I would keep out of the fray and let the dust settle. In terms of the letter, keep it in the drawer until you really need it and take out the ADD part. If you have constructive suggestions that make sense for the company ( in $ terms) then make them without mentioning the ADD. So far all they know is that a problematic employee gossiped about another employee and provided second hand information which may or may not be true. Do your job to the best of your ability and the ADD won’t matter.


    Post count: 845

    If you have not been asked about your ADD, I wouldn’t mention it. I think that the changes you propose, even if to accomodate your ADD, should be recommended on the basis of their benefits to the company and in allowing you to work more efficiently.

    If and only if asked about your ADD, you can try to explain it to them. List some of the “benefits” of ADD and point out that some even consider the different way in which the brain functions as a gift that leads to enhanced creativity. Mention things you do well such as play the bassoon or differential calculus.

    If your overall performance has been good, they may have forgotten your blips in procedures and diagnosis. Why bring it up?

    I’m sure you’ll get other opinions. Pick what feels best and . . . good luck.

    Nellie – you must type faster than me. It sounds like we’re on the same page.


    Post count: 303

    If you write a letter, maybe propose the changes as benefits to your strengths as a worker, and don’t mention the ADD unless they specifically ask. Then if they ask, you can at least get a feel for what they know. That way you sound more proactive about your work environment, and less needy in regards to your possibly perceived disability.

    I say “possibly perceived,” because really, if this gal lies, they may know nothing, or if they do, they may not believe her. Everybody has blips in their performance. If it’s a real problem, they’d have come straight to you. Don’t sweat it, for now. Plus, again, she could be lying about the whole thing.

    I’ve worked with people like that before. She is not happy where she’s at. She’s crashing and burning, because she’s been trying to get out, and throwing everyone under the bus to do it. Good bosses, heck even the crappy bosses I had, know when this is going on. It shouldn’t be too long before she does something that gets her in a position where she has to quit or be fired. Just don’t get caught up in it with her. Let this be about her, right now, not you, and not your ADD.


    Post count: 59

    Thanks for the feedback!

    I am holding off on any action at all for now. Treading very carefully so as not to get inadvertently caught up in the stupidity. I can’t believe the things I’m starting to see now that I’ve opened my eyes a bit though! Why can’t people just be happy without needing to make everyone else miserable? Or be successful without making everyone else fail?

    I come from the glass half full school and it is very disturbing to see someone trying to dip their straw into my drink! But, I plan to just keep refilling the glass, no matter what. Today I finished work and went on a photography adventure in my neighbourhood. It’s my way of transforming the bad energy into something beautiful!

    It still makes me slightly nauseous that I trusted someone too quickly and have been betrayed as a result. I know it’s not my fault, but unfortunately the consequences are mine, and I’m not sure that I’ve seen the last of them yet.

    And Geoduck – thanks for that perspective. You’re right. Given the patterns I’m seeing, who knows what was actually said. This is me, trying not to sweat it! ;-)

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