Overfocused ADD Q?s

[Anonymous]

Hi, I’m a student, 27 years old and recently a guy at my school got a ADHD diagnosis. He doesn’t really know me that much, but by talking with him I realised I had a lot of the symptome he has. He told me to go see the school counselor because he really believed I had it also. So I’ve begin to make some research on the pathology to find out Overfocused ADD explained a lot, if not all of my behavior.

It’s been about 2 months now that I realise what I have, but I haven’t had the time to go seek for help pas the school counselor. I had an appointment with a psychiatrist, but she made me feel like an immature toxicoman. I think she doesn’t have experience with adult ADD and I got really mad after that appointment. My school counselor recommanded me a neurolog who has a lot of experience with ADD student from my school. So after the holiday I’ll go see him.

The reason I’m writing here is to try to make the diagnosis as easy as possible. I’ve been accepted in a master degree in electrical engineering in january, and I really need help to be what I know I can be and have the help I need to get good grades. Here’s the symptom I have that trouble me a lot:

– Depression/ lack of self-esteem (feeling that all my life is a complete failure)

– Huge difficulty staying attentive in class (check outside the windows, drawing in class, playing with my laptop or anything except listening to the prof)

– Obsessive repetitive thoughts (suicidal thinking since I’m 12 but no attempt, feedback of bad memories/experience, extremely hard time forgetting a girl I have feelings for)

– Difficulty working in a group except I’m working with competent people, incompetence make me feel really angry

– Trouble sleeping if I don’t smoke pot before, too much thing in my head that I worry about and I keep shifting from one thought to another, it takes me hours to sleep.

– My way is always the way I go, even if their’s a list of to do thing, I’ll do it my way

– I’ve had some problem with the law, and got a few warning from cops to shut up or else… (oppositionnal behavior is really strong with me)

– I argue a lot, even when I have the same opinion as the other but I don’t like how they say it. A friend of mine nicknamed me Socrates because of that.

– I have a hard time staying focus on thing I don’t like, but when I like what I do, I work fast and don’t disturb me or I’ll get irritated

– I forget words, do lapsus, forget daily items (key, wallet, …)

– I have addiction like cannabis, cigarette, alcool (if I don’t get the 2 others, I feel that I need to be stone)

– I’m a sensitive guy, but I hate showing it up, instead I’m acting like a rock, except when I’m at the limit of what I can handle

– Disorganised (room, work, huge financial problem of non-paying)

Their’s other thing, but those are the symptom that I believe have nothing to do with my cannabis consumption. Also, I have most of the quality associated with the ADD pathology ( Intelligence, creativity, curiosity, a lot of energy, high pain tolerance, empathy, intuitive, artistic, capable of solving problem, …)

Also, I’ve just realised that a lot of people in my family has ADHD in different form: on my mother’s side (at least 2 aunts, 4 cousins, maybe my gand-mother (which has alzeihmer for a few years now) … on my father side, no diagnosis that I know about (we don’t talk that much about it) BUT : he have 2 brothers who had big drug problem, trouble speaking until the age of 9, one of them commit suicide, and the daughter of the other have huge problem with speaking.

I’ve realised when I had my appointment with the psychiatrist, that she made too much emphasis on my cannbis addiction, but never tried to make a diagnosis pass a detox… But I don’t think cannabis is my problem, it’s been 1½ week since I haven’t smoke weed, except the fact that those symptome are augmented : I have hard time sleeping, high sensibility to noise, forget words, distracted, less depressive, eat much less (sometime I only eat 1 small meal/day) … I don’t feel like marijuanna is my problem, but I believe it’s a good medication for me since it help me : socialise, concentration, sleeping, eating,

The only thing I don’t like about smoking weed is the augmented depression, but I’ve read a lot about cannabis effect and I know I’m smoking indica (which is more couch lock buzz) and that if I’d get some sativa strain (high head buzz, laughter), I would get the best medication for me with less drawback. I wouldn’t have to change my friends (one of the recommandation from the 1st psychiatrist). Plus I already have experience in growing my own cannabis(I don’t grow anymore), and I loved it. : I had to get a routine to take good care of the plants, I had a huge smile on my face during that time (those plants are sooooo beautiful plus it made me feel that I was good at something), helped me with my $$ problem (I never sold, but I didn’t have to pay for cannabis).

Well, what I’d like to know:

– Am I ADD Overfocused?

– What should I do when I go see the neurolog (bring different test passed on the internet, bring primary school report) anything else? It’s a hard thing to diagnose, so I want it to be as easy as possible

– What do you think about cannabis as medication? If I feel that it would be the best thing for me (placebo effect) wouldn’t it be a good thing for me? I do believe that if I hadn’t smoke cannabis all my life, now, I wouldn’t have friends (I’m a solitary kind of guy) and wouldn’t have got into university (wouldn’t be able to focus and remove the stress I put myself into).

– What should I expect from now on? I do need help and turn my life around, will I be able to do so? I feel I could change the world, but totally disable to change my life and get it straight.

By the way, my first language is french, so don’t be too hard on me with mistake I could’ve done

Thank you for your help

Jean-Sebastien

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[billd]

>>

– Difficulty working in a group except I’m working with competent people, incompetence make me feel really angry

– My way is always the way I go, even if their’s a list of to do thing, I’ll do it my way

– I argue a lot, even when I have the same opinion as the other but I don’t like how they say it. A friend of mine nicknamed me Socrates because of that.

– I have a hard time staying focus on thing I don’t like, but when I like what I do, I work fast and don’t disturb me or I’ll get irritated

– I forget words, do lapsus, forget daily items (key, wallet, …)<<

OH YEAH!! I get REALLY ticked at incompetence! I mean REALLY.

Luckily, I used to have a boss who loved to “debate”, even when he didn’t believe a word of the side he’d chosen. He and another friend who used to be a professor said they did it to prompt others to SUPPORT their side of an argument instead of simply stating something like “because I said so”. I had fun with them, we could argue just because we enjoyed it, but it was never really an argument, we were “sparring”, I guess.

Yes, if I don’t like it, I drift REALLY easily, even if it’s really important. Forget where I just put something 10 minutes ago – in a place specially chosen so I’d recall where I put it.

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