Over/underwhelmed introduction

[Procrastina-Tron]

I just spilled my heart and soul into word document so I could submit it here… It took me about 20 minutes to write. Would you believe I absent mindedly closed the word file before I could copy and paste the message body? Maybe I do suffer from ADHD…

DISSAPOINTINGLY BRIEF SYNOPSIS OF LONG WINDED ELOQUENT MESSAGE:

–          Wife and I suffer from depression

–          Had a crisis on April 5th (take your mind to the far reaches of reason, I was there at that time)

–          Had therapy, got an appointment with a psychiatrist 3 months after my crisis (insert witty joke about the health care system relating to a well oiled engine abandoned on an overgrown lawn)

–          Was diagnosed (?) with ADHD during session 3 weeks ago(Forgetful, get incredibly frustrated especially in the mornings when my wife points out what I have forgotten to do or have done wrong), a much longer list of symptoms

–          Struggle at work, home and with my music – I am deeply passionate about all of these things but I don’t work on them and can’t figure out why – I am hurting because I want to do well at everything in my life but come across as not passionate, disinterested, lazy, etc. Leads to sadness, depression, feeling overwhelmed

–          Have been on Concerta for three weeks, 1st week was 18mg, 2nd on has been 36mg. Feel no difference whatsoever. Read about someone who started taking Concerta, they organized their home office and read over 200 technical papers in one night, they wouldn’t read one in a year… which is roughly where I am. I haven’t done anything spectacular like that…

–          Am interested in modifying my habits, along with therapy and possibly medication to turn my life around, anti-depressants made everything much, much worse

–          Wife was supportive and said “this makes sense” until I told her that the psychiatrist told me that my activities over the years may not entirely be “my fault”, seemed like an excuse for my behavior… still depressed, deeply concerned about getting better. I wrote a few things about how Rick’s videos on habits directly relate to my experience and that I am hopeful for this site & community.

Anyways, there was much more in the original message… it was more thoughtful and concise… this feels lackluster and unfinished. Like my life, I suppose.  🙂

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[seabassd]

@audrateper

Phone Jamming…What about SPAM JAMMING?

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[Procrastina-Tron]

Amidst the stages of uncertainty I am currently going through, I know I have a tendency to trail on and am often hard to follow. That being said, I was struggling to see where my message indicated I needed phone jamming. 🙂

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[seabassd]

There was a SPAMMER that posted right below your post. Looks like they’ve removed it. It was for some sort of phone jamming device. Yikes, With that post removed it really makes me appear insensitive or disinterested or just plane out of it. Well, the being out of it part fits from time to time.

*Response to Your Original Post*

Can totally understand where you’re at. Depression for me has come in cycles for as long as I can remember. I recently posted about the cycle on another thread. Basically it’s a continuous In-and-Out, In-and-Out and In-and-Out of depression cycle…soooooo frustrating. Part of that I’ve learned, for me, is that my mind uses this cycle to wake itself up. I think it enjoys the struggle a bit.

As for meds, you mentioned that you read where others have reported some amazing benefits just after starting on medication. It seems like the internet and some publications tend towards reporting on extreme results with meds., either with horrible side-effects or some sort of bolt of lighting change. Not to discount these results but I have found my experience not to be so profound. I think you’ll find as you read through the forums on this site that many people find medication to have a more subtle impact on their lives. I like to think of it as subtle but profound. When combined with meditation, acceptance, organization, reaching out, etc. positive forward progress, although sometimes slower than I would like, does happen.

I’ve taken Prozac for depression, however I am currently off of them. I haven’t totally determined how I feel about Prozac yet. I see positives and negatives.

TotallyADD.com is a good place to find people who can relate to what you’re going through. I think you’ll be surprised by how much in common we all have. There’s a lot of wonderful real world tips from those who have ADHD that I’ve found to be of great benefit towards the management of my  ADHD.

Wishing you the best.

 

 

 

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[Procrastina-Tron]

My doctor had put me on “Cymbalta” to try for depression. Unfortunately I was placed on 60mg from the get-go which is supposedly a fairly high dose for someone who hasn’t been formally diagnosed with depression. That turned out very badly, after several therapy sessions and a visit to a psychiatrist… I am off anti-depressants (I quit Cymbalta cold turkey, not advisable, but it was necessary) but on Concerta.

Like you said the internet is generally very one sided – either it’s the most amazing thing in the entire universe or it’s complete garbage. I suppose in my muddled and confused mind, I am always questing for “Aha!” moments of clarity, so far the medication hasn’t given me any noticeable effects.

The first two days I felt elated while driving. I felt as I was hyper aware of my surroundings, where in fact I was just trying to memorize license plates for no apparent reason. Since then it’s been the same old. Not applying myself at work, etc. I get the slight inkling that I have an enhanced focus when I am really interested in something, but trying to recover from depression, frankly nothing is interesting, not even the leisurely pursuits.

I have my next appointment tomorrow and am hopeful for some new steps; I think therapy and adjusting my attitudes and habits may work well.

Would you believe I used to write meditation music? 😛

Thanks again,

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[Procrastina-Tron]

APOLOGIES – I’ve accidentally posted the same message twice and can’t seem to delete the original.

I saw the spam before it was deleted, so your comment was not taken as insensitive. 🙂

My doctor had put me on “Cymbalta” to try for depression. Unfortunately I was placed on 60mg from the get-go which is supposedly a fairly high dose for someone who hasn’t been formally diagnosed with depression. That turned out very badly, after several therapy sessions and a visit to a psychiatrist… I am off anti-depressants (I quit Cymbalta cold turkey, not advisable, but it was necessary) but on Concerta.

Like you said the internet is generally very one sided – either it’s the most amazing thing in the entire universe or it’s complete garbage. I suppose in my muddled and confused mind, I am always questing for “Aha!” moments of clarity, so far the medication hasn’t given me any noticeable effects.

The first two days I felt elated while driving. I felt as I was hyper aware of my surroundings, where in fact I was just trying to memorize license plates for no apparent reason. Since then it’s been the same old. Not applying myself at work, etc. I get the slight inkling that I have an enhanced focus when I am really interested in something, but trying to recover from depression, frankly nothing is interesting, not even the leisurely pursuits.

I have my next appointment tomorrow and am hopeful for some new steps; I think therapy and adjusting my attitudes and habits may work well.

Would you believe I used to write meditation music? 😛

Thanks again,

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[Patte Rosebank]

@Vevolis, the most current research has shown that most antidepressants tend to make ADHD symptoms mich worse.

One of the exceptions is Effexor (Venlafaxine), which I’ve been taking for many years.

However, as with any med for mental issues, results will vary for each person who takes it. It’ll take careful, medically supervised trial-and-error to find out if it’s right (or completely wrong) for each person.

You might want to talk to your pharmacist. Often, pharmacists know more about meds than doctors do!

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[Procrastina-Tron]

Thanks for the insight!

I had an appointment this morning, they’ve increased the Cocerta dosage to 54mg per day in hopes that it will have more impact as well as “Mylan-Bupropion XL” (A “light” anti-depressant) 150mg to begin next week – supposedly before any therapy starts, they want me in a better head space, more focused, etc.

I’m a bit discouraged that I supposedly need pills to feel better, I’d like to just work on myself in therapy, form new habits, etc… but I’m told I need these medications so that I can achieve a state where I am actually capable of working on myself and forming new habits in the first place.  🙂

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[caitlin1007]

Have you tried taking Vyvanse? I’ve been diagnosed with Severe Depression and ADHD and as a result I have to take Sertraline (Zoloft) & Vyvanse. The combination works extremely well for me. Maybe it would do the same for you.

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