Parenting schedule (ie: custody schedule) for ADHD child

[Anonymous]

Hello. . . my son is 8 years old and was diagnosed with ADHD 2 years ago. I share custody with his father – who also was diagnosed with ADD as an adult – but seems to now reject that idea. . .and is skeptical at best regarding his son’s diagnosis (done by a child psychologist wwho works out a Paedatric ADHD hospital clinic and supported by his family physician and psychiatrist).

Currently our custody order dictates a three night rotating parenting schedule – 3 nights with Dad and three nights with me. The teacher is completing daily behaviour scales with my son – as he has increased difficulties in school with his behaviour when overnight with his father. The 3 days at Dad’s are like a three day long sleep over. . . diet low in protein – high in refined carbs, lots of x-box gaming. . . and more troubling this week – missed half a day of school because Dad said “I couldn’t wake him up – so I though he should sleep in. . . “

Going back to court is going to be a long process.

In the meantime – would a 7 day – alternating week schedule be less disuprtive – even though it would mean 7 nights without structure, routines, bedtimes. . . because right now the transitions every three days are turning into a nightmare . My 8 year old son rages and screams for hours – having a 3 year old temper tantrum when it is time to get back to the routine that he thrives under.

BTW – I was also recently diagnosed with ADD . . .and have welcomed the relief that the meds have brought for me. . . it is making me a better more patient parent now that I am being treeated

I am looking for ways to sbetter support my son. . . is it better for him to be in a unstructured environment for longer periods of time n order to reduce the transitions between two dramatically different households while I gather the support needs to go to court to seek a change where I can support my son through the week – and he can have fun with his dad on teh weekends when the structure his not that important. . . .

Thank you

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[Hans]

Nunuq68

Here are might thoughts on the issue..The best way to support your son (in my opinion-DISCLAIMER)

#1. Is your son on medication… yes/no

#2. If he is on medication is he getting them when he is with his father..

Since you are now on medication you can realize the diferences it makes in your life and your ability to handle every day tasks.

So I think the larger issue is not if your son stays x number of days with you or your husband it is in fact if he is getting proper medical treatment.

I suspect that your son is not getting medication If your husband is not taking medication and is rejecting the diagnosis for your son. It starts to approach child abuse issues if he is not being given proper/needed medication for him to lead a normal life. Your child has a right to learn. His medications allow him to learn and prepare for the future. Please do not let his father deny your son that right. As always remember proper dosage is required not too much and not to little.

Good Luck

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[Anonymous]

Thank you so much for your kind words. . .yes my son is prescribed to take Concerta – which has proven to work wonders. And only recently I have started to wonder if Dad is giving him his meds. I have a weekly dosette (so ADD Dad can remeber – but perhaps he is simply tossing the pills. And he refuses to give me a direct answer. I just started an analysis of the behaviour rating scales / support sclaes that eh teacher has been doing since December – and 42% of the time if I send him to school – he needs less support in the classroom and has better focus and socially appropriate behaviour. If Dad sends him to school, 42 % of the time he needs more support with deteriorating behavior. The teacher has even asked me if I thought Dad was giving him his meds. . .and I guess I was too naive to think otherwise.

Fortunately – even though we have joint custody – I have been named the primary caregiver so I have the right in a disagreement to make the decision about his health care (and he can take it back to a judge to change the decision.

It is just so stupid when my very bright an sociable little boy – does so well with the basics. . .meds, good food, decent bedtimes, exercise. . . but Dad does not see it.

I guess I may need to press Dad (legally) to give his meds. . .

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[Anonymous]

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[Author]

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