perhaps this will help :D

[veronica]

i’m on several forums for several different things. on my personality type forum i posted about my adhd…. and one individual on that site responded to my thread with the best description i think i’ve ever come across, i wanted to share it:

“Here’s a metaphor that seems to make sense to non-ADHDers.

We have to understand the interaction between an ADHD person and ‘normal’ culture. It’s like this. Imagine a set of dice, but not all of them have six sides. Some have four sides, some six, some eight, some 10, some 12, some 20, and some 100. Each side of any die has a number, just like a six sided die.

Now, imagine that each kind of die is a different aspect of the world: 4-sided dice are like ideas, 12-sided dice are like emotions, 20-sided dice are like spirituality, some are behaviors, and so on. It doesn’t matter what each represents, just that it represents something you might want to talk about with someone else, one’s spouse for instance.

A normal person’s brain is able to organize her dice so that all of the same sided dice are in the same location and many of the dice are also sorted by the number. So she (let’s call her Gracie) has a set of 6-sided dice altogether, but some have the 1 up, some the 2, some the 3 etc. This is true for all the ‘dice’ in her brain which allows her to access whatever sided die she needs, AS WELL AS the specific number on that die she wants. Pretty orderly, no?

An ADHDer has a black bag with all his (let’s call him George) dice jumbled up together in it. Chaos.

So let’s say George and Gracie have a conversation. Each assumes the other’s brain looks and acts like his or her own. Gracie expects George’s brain to be orderly. George assumes Gracie copes with chaos just like him.

Gracie, needing to communicate and develop intimacy, wants to talk about the number 5 on 6-sided dice. She pulls a 5 on a 6-sided die and places it on the table to start the conversation. George knows that he has to respond per cultural norm. George does what he always does and reaches into his bag of dice and feels around for a 6-sided die. Depending on how George organizes his chaos, he may be lucky and find a 6-sided die which he triumphantly pulls out. Bad luck, George, it’s the number 3, not a 5, but he lays it on the table anyway (he has to respond in some way.)

Gracie is somewhat miffed that it is not a 5, but since George is a man and the 6-sided die is in the ball park, she lets the specific number pass. Gracie and George eventually pull enough dice with the correct number of sides to have a conversation about 6-sided dice (but probably not at all about the number 5).

What happens if George, in response to Gracie, pulls out the number 3 on a 4-sided die and is completely off target? Gracie’s reaction will not be positive. Remember she assumes that his brain is organized at least as well as hers, so what does she conclude? He is not listening, he is deliberately avoiding her, he doesn’t care, he’s lying, he doesn’t love her, and he is a total jerk. You can imagine other reactions. As her anger rises, George’s hand which is holding the bag shakes more and more. This destroys whatever meager organization he had going on in his brain. There is no telling what die he will pull out next. This infuriates Gracie even more. And this dance continues through their relationship.

So how does Gracie end up feeling? Not cherished, ignored and is left without any hope for the intimacy she desperately desires. How does George feel? He observes that he can do no right in her eyes. He feels guilty, at times like he is abusing her, and feels isolated. “

this person has ADD (inattentive). not a bad description, huh?!

~v

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[Anonymous]

If this person has ADD, they must’ve written this description right after their prescription. I got as far as paragraph 4 and totally lost interest. Not because it’s bad, just because….well do I have to explain? LOL! And I took my meds about …ah…..that’s why. Excuse me while I go re-administer….

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[Anonymous]

lmao… glad I’m not the only one. I’m currently only on Wellbutrin, I didn’t even make it half way through it.

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[Anonymous]

Oh thank god. I thought I was losin it.

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[Bettyboo]

Oh my I got it…Veronica and good for you for actually writing it and staying on track. You’re absolutely right – my husband always felt frustrated and not valued because I never pulled the same dice as him even though I wanted to and he knew I wanted to but could never figure out what was the matter and I think he began to give up or just excepted it for just being me. I believe, Vernoica that the key is education, communication, comprise and understanding…that will help non-adders understand why it isn’t as simple as they see it in their minds. I truly believe that our partners, friends, lovers, families coleagues don’t want ill will towards us as they want to be able to understand how to complement our strengths and not feed our weaknesses.Who wants drama in their lives all the time…life is far too short for that. I have to believe that however…Im not nieve to the fact that we do have individuals in our lives who live off of disfuction and push our buttons continually. Medication allows us to pull the same dice as our counter part approximately 80% of the time (I’m not a dr…read this stats on the web); but it doesn’t change who we are…it is up to us to acknowledge the behaviours that work for us and adjust accordingly…we still have to do the work for ourselves. I believe that we then complement ourselves which in turn complements our family etc.

How’s that for Valentine’s Day!!! Happy Valentine’s Day to all the wonderful men and women on this site…hopefully you pull the right dice today…Good Luck (if cheating helps hey go for it all in fun)

Elizabeth

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[veronica]

you are so funny bishop!

yeah, it took me reading it twice to “get it”… but then again i used to play D&D with my bro so it was an analogy that i completely understood. hee hee

Oh and Elizabeth, i didn’t write it… just spreading the word. the person who wrote it is on my personality forum. that individual has ADD and replied to one of my posts with this. it’s an interesting perspective.

and for the ADDer, here’s a sum up…..

in all our heads we have dice. ADD and non-ADDers. we have several with many different numbers. each has its own color shape and number order. when a non-ADDer wants to talk about something they pull out their die and put it on the table… in the instance above, they pulled a #5 on their 6 sided die (so the #5 is the subject to which they are bringing up). they think in their heads that you will respond to #5, but you reach into your chaotic bag of dice and bring out the wrong die. so the frustration begins with the non-ADDer as you two talk about every die and number under the sun, BUT the #5 initially brought up.

the cycle continues leaving everyone involved in disarray. it’s no fun, but those of us that can understand it and have support, will get through it all.

good luck to everyone.

~v

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[Anonymous]

LOL! I used to play D&D too V. Back when it was fun to play and not so bogged down with rules. Now it’s just AD&D.

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[Anonymous]

Why too complicated for me V

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[veronica]

@Simoski:i believe the way this person wrote it, it makes more sense to the nonADD mind? i dunno. i understood it.

bishop! i love that… AD&D. heehee

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[Anonymous]

I understood it, and it did make sense to me as I could feel and remember various conversations with my bosses, my mom, my ex-boyfriends etc. when I read that analogy. I was able to read through the whole thing, but mainly because I am at work and it’s totally the thing I should NOT be doing right now!

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