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PLEASE tell me how do you deal with it???

PLEASE tell me how do you deal with it???2010-09-21T13:22:45+00:00

The Forums Forums Emotional Journey I'm Scared PLEASE tell me how do you deal with it???

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  • #88539

    Post count: 14413

    After slipping into a sever depression the diagnosed me with Bipolar and adhd.

    This all came about when I was 44 years old.

    I rejected the diagnosis at first, but the more I read up on these conditions

    the more I realized that they were dead right. All those years of suffering and

    trying to accomplish things and failing all made sense now.

    Therapy is going on its 5th year. I realize that ups and downs are part of

    these 3 disorders. The problem I am facing is dealing with them.

    There are days when the depression is under control, but the bipolar is

    taking over. Or the ADHD is uncontrollable. or visa versa.

    Don’t get me wrong. I have made amazing progress, but am unable to overcome

    any of the disorders for even a straight 3 month period.

    As, I am sure, most of you are aware of, this makes my work and home difficult

    to deal with.

    My wife and children are completely behind me and very helpful. But it doesn’t

    solve the problems.

    At work, nobody knows what i am dealing with so I go from the best employee to

    the bottom of the pile over and over again.

    I have put some checks and balances in place to help me, but trifecta of

    disorders gets overwhelming.

    Just wondering if anyone here might be able to help me find a system the is

    helpful AND easy enough to hold my attention span.

    Thanks for listening.

    I hope that you all are having more success than I seem to be having.


    Patte Rosebank
    Post count: 1517

    I know those ups & downs at work. And I know the importance of making your employer aware of it. Under the law, it gives them big responsibilities, and it gives you big protections.

    First of all, you need to meet with your company’s Human Resources department. Bipolar and Depression (and, in some places, ADHD) are legally recognized as disabilities. You should provide HR with a letter from your doctor, stating that you have these disabilities, how they affect your ability to function, and the concessions you may need because of them. The law states that your employer must take your disability into account when evaluating your performance. They cannot unreasonably withhold any concessions you may need. They cannot do things which they know (or ought reasonably to know) will be hurtful to you, or will make things more difficult for you.

    And, if you have told them of your disability, they cannot tell others without your permission. Your immediate supervisor should be aware of it, but it’s up to your own discretion whether to tell your immediate co-workers.

    Does your job involve a lot of paperwork? Are you in an open cubicle in the middle of the room? Do you often have to attend long meetings? These three things are huge problems for people with even one of the “trifecta” you describe. It helps to have someone help you with the paperwork, to move to a closed cubicle in a corner of the room, and to have a tacit agreement that you only need to attend certain important meetings, and that you can get up and pace or take a quick break every so often.

    These next things apply to both work and home:

    We have a hard time remembering things when people tell us more than a couple of things at once. We’re very visual, so we need to have those things written down. Also, it takes so much of our energy to concentrate on what we’re doing, that we can’t handle sudden interruptions. We actually physically feel it. It’s helpful to have people send you an e-mail to set up a time to meet. Or to silently leave a note for you instead of talking to you—unless it’s a real emergency, that is.

    As for meeting deadlines and dealing with big tasks, break the tasks into smaller chunks that you can easily accomplish. Write them down where you can see them, and check them off as you complete each one. Just don’t get so busy organizing all this that you don’t get around to actually doing anything.

    Hope this helps!


    Post count: 14413

    Thanks for the advice you have given me. Much of it sounds very helpful.

    Thankfully my job doesn’t include paperwork. Unfortunately, my job is Carpentry.

    That means that i work with a whole bunch of dangerous equipment and

    many times work at very high projects. I have accumulated too many injuries

    through the years. Some from my fault, some from others. I also work many of

    my jobs . This can be a blessing and a curse.

    My major issue is not being able to stay on track. I am always thinking about

    everything EXCEPT the job at hand.

    The home life is the only place I feel comfortable. My wife and kids have done

    an amazing job at helping me in all areas.

    Just today, i was telling my wife about this site and all of a sudden I realized

    that I was talking about what I was going to plant in the garden next year.

    My wife, bless her heart, was just smiling and and waiting for me to figure

    out what I was doing. She says that I handle it better if I figure it out on my own.

    Plus, I think she enjoys watching me end up a million miles away from where

    I started. She is genius level IQ and yet she finds it very interesting to watch

    me have so many cognative thoughts in such a short amount of time.

    And, yes, I have lists that I make or she does. This is very helpful but only

    when i can find the list, or at least remember that I have one.

    Again, thank you.

    PS It took me 25 minutes to right this response because the reflection

    on the computer screen is so distracting. LOL


    Post count: 14413


    Lists… Get your wife to make 2 lists. Put each somewhere you go often. Fridge and on the TV for example.

    And our though process can be fun at times.. well most times lets face it.

    Just today I was going to tell a co worker about recent news that Physicists did something really cool with Quantum Manipulation. I started the conversation with, “You know how in Star Trek they said that people or objects from different dimensions had a different Quantum “signature” or frequencies? ” We then started Trek talk back and forth, then I got around to telling him how they were able to change the rate of spin of a quantum particle by 25 times to the point it acted “as if it was completely decoupled from the outside world”.

    Well! That was one of the hardest ideas to put across cause it was very cool.. I brought Star Trek into it (attention killer for me right there), the idea was challenging and there was a really cute chick standing there looking at us like “where does this come from”? LOL

    How do we deal with it? One day at a time. I have a nice day planner that has a pen holder in it. Always leave the pen in it. Take the planner with you if you want to borrow it’s pen ! Lesson learned there.

    Make it special. Have a note pad in the back of it for doodling or throwing random ideas on.. The planner was one of the best moves I’ve made yet. A great place for your wife and kids to put reminders and encouraging notes. Get one. try it.

    After that there is other things to do but ask for those after you get the planner. One day, one thing, one step at a time. Just keep looking forward. You can’t change the past so don’t spend too much energy on it.


    Post count: 14413

    Thanks for your input.

    I do have a blackberry. I am good about puting Drs. appointments in it and I aet my alarm 1 hour before, just in case i’m acroos town.

    I never really considered putting everyday commitments in there. That sounds like a great idea for me.

    The therapist I have now has me keeping a mood chart in order to figure out a pattern to my mood swings. But even that is hard to keep up with. My wife and kids have been helping me remember the everyday things, but all three of my daughters are now off in colleges far away. That was a hard pill to swallow. They call me often. My youngest calls me every day to check up on me. LOL

    Again, thank you for the advice. I’m sure that that little tidbit will help me greatly in the everday journey.


    Post count: 14413

    Glad to help those on the same path as I am. You’re not alone.

    Something to try is a program like Sunbird. It’s a task manager and I think(i’ll look) that you can have it so you can have your blackberry check for updates.. like checking your mail. Or google calendar maybe.. something your family can access too if need be.

    There’s allot of techie ways and tools and fun stuff. Hell I wear a stop watch around my neck at work so I’m not late from breaks and my lunch break.


    Post count: 211

    tmcmurray and Shane – it is such a treat to come in here and read your stories. Mostly because it resonates with what I go through as well. Recognition is *always* interesting, isn’t it?

    I laughed when you mentioned how the glare from the monitor was distracting. I’m beginning to recognize elements of that kind of distraction as well. I mean, the distractions were always there – I’m just now figuring out that they’re not exactly, um, well, *normal* I suppose. Or maybe a better way to put it, is that it’s not “usual” for most people.

    Like yesterday, when I finally got it confirmed by my psychiatrist that “yes, wolfshades – you do indeed have ADHD”. Not surprised, really. Just relieved. Even grateful. But you know what? The first thing I did when we sat down was mention that he had a great view outside of his window. Totally distracted. (And besides I was making a joke – his window looks out onto a brick wall). He grunted. I grinned. Then he brought me back on track.

    tym – I’m kind of amazed that you’re doing such hazardous work and you’ve put up with the lack of focus for so long. I mean, I have that same loss of focus too, and I’ve done some pretty crazy things as a result. But nothing dangerous. Your daughter is right to check up on you every day.

    Like Shane says though: there are all kinds of helper aids for us. I use my iPhone and its calendar religiously. I have to. If I don’t, I’m sunk.


    Post count: 14413

    Hey there Shane and Wolfs.

    It may sound a bit odd, but this is the only contact I have ever had with someone with the

    issue i have. And it’s kinda cool. I don’t tell anybody about my disorders except my wife

    and kids and I have no close friends.

    So this forum is a nice outlet to talk about it all.

    Don’t get me wrong, talking with my therapist is great. She brings a lot of information

    and and ideas to the table. She sees things in me that I can’t see.

    But to share and converse with someone who knows first hand is great.

    Thanks for your input!


    Post count: 14413

    Man I’m open about it. And why not! Most of the greatest minds , Einstein, Oscar Wilde, Rick Green… were ADD…

    I post vids from here to my facebook and everything. We finally have an answer to what has held us from the greatness we know we could of had and how we can get it now! We still have time. Embrace it. Educate ppl about it. Most ppl think ADD is nothing more then being a hyperactive kid that needs Ritalin. I thought that until I learned more.

    Oh on the ADHD great minds track.. http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/8496955.stm

    Allot of great minds there although I wouldn’t want to be labeled the same as Che Guevara… but the others are col :)


    Post count: 14413

    To.. be opened to everything.. Share ones thoughts.. To get something from it.. even just the bit..

    To know how it feels.. to understand what it means.. Knowing what it takes.. Being close all the way..

    To have closeness.. feeling of danger.. When something might happen.. U’ve already seen it coming..

    To feel.. to share.. to know.. to be..

    We ain’t those who are oddities.. we are just what we’ve been.. seen what we could be.. Never to know until..

    May it be so one can feel it come nearer.. When almost to grasp it and then to let it go..

    To be diagnosed or not.. is that a key? Or to get to know oneself and the others when seeing more and clearer..


    Post count: 22

    I sometimes wonder why my adhd is just here, with me. I feel I have been on a roller coaster. 6 months ago I was in a much happier spirit and had more drive generally happier and more focused. It seems that when I don’t have extra help from therapists or add coaches, I end up getting completely messed up. I mean, I am so unfocussed, and can’t schedule anything on paper and stick to it, My life ends up chaotic and distracted when I don’t get help for my disorganization. BTW, I am also on Adhd pills, and antidepressants. Does anyone else have problems with focus, disorganization time management, blah, blah blah?? Just curious. It’s like I had a major setback. I think diagnosis is one thing, but the hardest thing is learning how to cope with ADHD.. I also found out last year that I have an LD called a non verbal learning disabilty- NLD- which I still don’t know enough about.


    Post count: 14413

    Thanks for the comments everybody.

    crystalsphinx, we have much the same in the “dealing with it” arena. I used to be crazy manic. Always on the go, running full throttle all of the time. I don’t know what changed things. All of a sudden I started having serious anxiety attacks and from there, depression, lack of focus in all areas and mood swings (which I always had just not as bad as they are now.).

    My dilemma now is that with which problem do I try to deal with first. I find that I can only concentrate on one issue at a time. Besides medication for the bipolar, i have a difficult time doing anything about it. The depression seems to follow the bipolar hand in hand. If my mood drops, the depression will most certainly follow.

    The ADHD seems to effect the other areas also. I feel that if I can find the ability to concentrate on one of these problems, that i may get a hold on all of them. It’s just that the ability to concentrae seems to ellude me.

    As you can probably tell by how I write, i can’t even concentrate long enough to write what I want to say.

    I wish you all of the luck with your issues and I hope that we both are able to find the right combination to overcome them.


    Post count: 14413

    i don’t know how throughly this can be connected.. but i have come to a conclusion… when in adhd mode.. hyper mode is which kicks in and although i’ve not been diagnosed yet in any waty my fearof bipolarity can go in the context of adhd… why? because bipolaryty has its manic, ypomanic and depression stages.. there’s are corresponding ones just in adhd….

    they say bipolar can change with the moods in a second… i don’t have so extreme changes but as i see to… from spring to end of august i was in flegmatig state… but wheen i got inform og get studyýing my mood changed in the other part… and last months end i was in energy levels where i could with less sleep get by.-.. now it has turned upside down…

    it seems so that in longer periods (or less) adhd goes .lige states by.-.. (if combined version)…

    i surely hope i get myself to get this diagnose… so i could get going again,…. surely this is something in us to learn but it surely is also very hard to get by in the between…


    Post count: 14413

    I am very confused and don’t know how or which problem to get under control of first – kind of a “which comes first, the chicken or the egg” dilemma. I too have ADD, depression, plus diabetes and sleep apnea. On Rx’s for everything, but feel no relief from any of the problems.

    Just took the ADD test on this website, and it implied that I might not have ADD. I also just watched 1/2 of a PBS show relating to fixing your brain and then you fix your body. (Oh yes, I am obese too.) The Dr. on the TV show described 5 types of brain functions that effect one’s weight, and several types also related to ADD. But I do not fit any one “brain type” either. I can’t seem to focus on what is actually wrong with me, so how can I get better??

    I fell into deep depression 12+ years ago. (In hindsight, I firmly believe that pre-menopause triggered the depression, even though my regular doctor said I was too young to be going through menopause at that time. I am assuming that post-menopause, with no hormone therapy, is continuing to fuel my depression, along with many personal family & financial problems.) Although there had been significant improvement in my depression for many years, more recently, I feel I have had a significant relapse. Any time I do not have any commitments with other people, I sleep. Today, after sleeping 12 hours, I dozed off reading the privacy policy while registering for this site. I sometimes feel that my fatigue and trying to sleep the day away, is my safe way of avoiding my emotional pain, instead of committing suicide. Is my inability to focus and my constant fatigue ADD related, +/or depression related, +/or compounded by my sleep apnea?

    I had a CPAP machine for my sleep apnea which I used for awhile about 10 yrs. ago. But it did not help me because when I moved in my sleep, the seal between my face and the air mask broke and the hissing noise of the escaping air would wake me up. Several years ago, I had packed the machine away, supposedly temporarily, when our home was remodeled and my family went through a re-arrangement of bedrooms. I have yet to find the box where it was packed away. However, I have not been aggressively looking for it. My friend has told me that there have been some improvements in the CPAP devices, but I can’t afford the doctor visits I would have to go through to have a new machine prescribed for me, nor can I afford a new machine. (Unemployment and crappy or no medical insurance have been some of the many financial wows I have been facing these past few years. My family owes thousands for past medical bills, and I am currently rationing my medications because they are so expensive. So not staying on a proper medication schedule has also been wrecking havoc on my heath, both mental and physical.)

    I have so many unfinished or un-started projects that, If I consistently wrote them in 1 place, I could fill a spiral notebook. I am a horrible procrastinator and always have been. But the past few years, as my personal family & financial problems have escalated, I have created more problems by delaying solving problems or even taking care of day – to – day things, like paying bills. I make lists upon lists of what I need to do, and can outwardly verbally chastise myself that “I WILL DO THIS TO-DO LIST IN THE ORDER I HAVE CREATED IT”, and yet barely complete the 1st item on the list, if I start doing the tasks at all. I use my calendar and tasks apps on my cell phone, to not only try to keep up with my work schedule (working p/t & collecting a little unemployment,) doctor appointments, and social events, but also to attempt to complete some of the tasks I have been avoiding (the last, to almost no avail.) Yes, I even admit, that I know I am avoiding these very important tasks, yet I still can’t bring myself to do them.

    Considering all of your posts were written 4 months ago, and everything that was written in an effort to help each other, were things I have been attempting for years – It makes no sense for me to have spent so much time writing this. Finding this website, and writing this post, I initially thought was to help me get my life back on track, but I am now admitting to myself and you, that it actually has served as just another distraction for me to avoid completing some very critical financial documents, that should have been submitted to my mortgage lender, weeks ago. I still feel lost, confused, overwhelmed and hopeless!


    Post count: 546

    then please. take that one task and finish it. you will beable to be proud of yourself that you kept one person from being homeless. YOU and cogratulations in advance on a task completed. so STOP what you are doing and help that very speical person that is worth the effort . hope this helps.

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