(presumptive) diagnosis at 47 – now what?!

[Anonymous]

When my son’s gr.1 teacher suggested he might have ADHD, I got defensive, “There’s nothing wrong with my child!”

By gr.4 we knew something about him was different and holding him back in school so we set up psycho-ed assessment #1 with a diagnosis of LD, depression/anxiety and a recommendation to repeat the assessment in the future. Just went through psycho-ed assessment #2 with the same psychologist/clinic. This time, we got a diagnosis of ADHD for him and, based on the family history, a presumptive diagnosis for the rest of the family (2 adults, 2 teens).

We’ve started on meds as well. What a difference! I am thrilled for my kids and want to be cautiously optimistic for myself, but after 47 years of feeling like an epic fail, I’m having a hard time believing that I can overcome the challenges of ADHD. I want to believe and I’ve always recognized my potential – which is a big part of the problem, really, since I’ve never achieved it – but a lifetime of false starts and incompletes has shaken my confidence to the point of non-existence.

I’m grief stricken that I wasn’t diagnosed sooner – so many “wasted” years. I’m guilt-ridden that my own ADHD kept me from hearing what that gr.1 teacher tried to tell me so many years ago – so many unnecessary years of pain for my son. I want to blubber like a baby, rage against the universe and curl up in a ball, all at the same time.

But I won’t do any of those things. Instead, I’ll do my homework. I’ll take the baby steps. I’ll learn about this disorder, the specific challenges it presents and how to overcome them. I practice developing new skills and habits. And I’ll learn to accept that there’s nothing wrong with me – that I’m not lazy, stupid or crazy. I’ll do this for my children, as well as for myself, because I can’t expect them to believe me when I tell them how wonderful they are with one breath and denigrate myself with the next. And they are wonderful. Wonderful and unique and creative and strong and sensitive and caring and compassionate and intuitive and incredibly, piercingly bright.

Still, I’d wish I’d understood years ago …

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[Anonymous]

I’m in the same boat as you, except I have no children.

I’m struggling with letting go of the past and trying to focus on the bright future that is in front of me.

the knowledge that I’ll FINALLY be able to have some stability and long term success both personally and professionally is my motivation to keep working at this thing called living.

Without that, I’d still be falling down the rabbit hole.

DD.

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