Quest for son let to some personal insights

[jpdenheijer]

Hi,

My son was recently diagnosed ADD (without the H). And throughout the whole process of getting there I started realizing he might not have that “out of the blue”.

My house is usually in a state of chaos. I will clean it up. Let’s just check my email first. Piles of mail i will sift through tomorrow (right). Unfinished projects at work. Procrastinating until deadline, then work in a frenzy to get it done, barely making it more then sometimes failing. But it “works better for me that way”. The desk is covered in piles of papers and stuff “i might need later, or not”

Forgetting doctor appointments, dentist appointments. Birthdays, etc

I started 4 college studies and failed in the first year because of lack of structured studying or boredom with dry theory.

It’s always a struggle to stay on top of things and I usually lose. Coffee, nicotine and games are my current “medication” and I’m starting to think those might not be the best way to get ahead…

The virtual doctor sends me off with 8/9 score on inattention.

A test i’d done yesterday (http://psychcentral.com/addquiz.htm) i scored a total of 19 with 18 points on the inattentive side. That would put me on moderate ADHD in a scale of “Adult ADHD” (>=36), “Moderate ADHD” (>=17), “Mild” (>=12), “Possible” (>=7), “No ADHD likely”.

Will contact the family doctor tomorrow for an appointment to see if he’ll refer me to some psychological help. I’ll try to keep this updated to let you follow the process here in Holland.

 

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[Patte Rosebank]

@Jpdenheijer, your house sounds a lot like my apartment!

State of CHAOS is right.  (CHAOS = “Can’t Have Anyone Over” Syndrome).  My standard joke is, “Well, I hit my head on the ceiling when I walked across the room, so I guess it’s time to get out my shovel and tidy up the place.”  (You might as well laugh, right?)

The ADHD brain is driven by what’sinteresting, not what’s important.  Housework is boring.  Paperwork is really boring.  No wonder we put off doing those things!

We ADD’ers have a lot of trouble with time, because it’s an artificial concept, and we do best with things we can actually experience with our 5 senses.  We function best when we can wake up with the sun, eat when we feel hungry, take a nap during the hottest part of the day, and go to sleep when night falls.  For millions of years, humans functioned in that natural way.  Then, humans invented artificial time-keeping systems, and the Industrial Revolution forced humans to conform to the artificial systems to maximize the efficiency of the factories.  No wonder we ADD’ers struggle with these man-made time systems!

To an ADD’er, there is only NOW and NOT NOW.  And NOW is only the most immediate 4 seconds.  That means we can’t really picture the future (so we can’t plan for it) or the past (so we can’t learn from it).  It also means that punishments don’t work on ADD’ers, because we can’t connect the punishment with what we did.  We might not even REMEMBER what we did!

That’s why we need to externalize and physicalize time, with timers, alarms, and calendars.  Otherwise, time slips away from us, without our even noticing it.

There are some great archived webinars here (http://totallyadd.com/webinar-archives), and any registered member can watch them.  There’s the 3-part series, “Start Now”, that’s a huge help with overcoming Procrastination.

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You’d be amazed how many people discover they have ADHD, when one of their children is diagnosed with it!

ADHD is highly heritable.  It doesn’t just run in families; it practically gallops!

In fact, ADHD is almost 100% genetic, and scientists have isolated one of the gene mutations and 2 of the dopamine receptors responsible for it.  Since it’s genetic, the diagnostic testing has to examine the history of both the patient and the patient’s family, for evidence of it.

A very small percentage of cases occur after a severe brain injury, but, otherwise, the patient must show symptoms before the age of 12 (according to the new DSM-V).

Until fairly recently, it was believed that ADHD was a childhood condition that people outgrew.  There are many doctors & psychiatrists who still cling to this old, false belief.  So, you should specifically ask for a referral to a specialist with experience treating Adult ADHD.

And do print out the results of the Virtual Doctor and the other diagnostic tests here, and bring them with you to your doctor’s appointment.  That way, you’ll have some answers when your doctor says, “So what makes you think you have ADHD?”

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[jpdenheijer]

Thank you for that wonderful reply.

That joke just hits the nail on the head. I did laugh (whereas i’d feel despair just days ago, which i think is good progress :D).

Got up this morning, drove to work and, when I arrived there, stayed in the car to call the doctor. Told the assistant my story and she said “Yes, that’s a very common way for adults to find out for themselves. I’ll go see if the doctor thinks he needs to see you in person or if he’ll write a referral right away. I’ll call you back.”

Yay for in a country where there’s acceptance and understanding for this in the medical profession. If all goes well I’ll be referred to the ADHD specialist at a local psychological centre I’ve visited before (depression symptoms).

Adventures await.

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[Patte Rosebank]

@jpdenheijer, in some ways, Holland is so much more advanced than other countries which CLAIM to be the greatest in the world.  That attitude to mental health is one of those ways.

Like you, I was treated for Depression before being diagnosed with ADHD (3 years ago).  When you spend your life struggling & failing at the things everyone else finds so easy, you do tend to feel anxious & depressed…

Fortunately, ADDers often have a great sense of humour.  When you can laugh at something, it feels a lot less scary, painful, or frustrating.  It loses its power.

There are some really funny videos here (http://www.totallyadd.com/videos), especially the ADDventures With Bill.  They’re funny because they’re true.

 

 

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[jpdenheijer]

Yes. From my past experience and what we’ve been through so far with our son, there’s always a sense of moving forward. In the case of my depressions (which were not all to be attributed to my ADD symptoms, but that’s a whole different story) I’ve made some great strides. Up to a point where I felt like it was “under control”, so i stopped treatment. But it never felt complete. That’s why I’m slightly, cautiously excited to be on this road I am on now.

Humour is a wonderful thing. Which has eluded me for quite some time, unfortunately. The same process started with my ex-partner and son right after him being diagnosed. Thank god i went to the library and happened to pick up “Superparenting for ADD: An Innovative Approach to Raising Your Distracted Child” (a well-known book here, I presume), which fundamentally shifted my outlook on what was to come and made me stop and think about myself. Since then I’ve managed to make my ex an enthusiast as well, which had an immediate effect on our son. We joke about it, laugh, identify with etc. Great!

Those videos you mention helped a lot as well. Lots of recognition 😀

Aaanyways, the doctor wrote his referral without needing to see me personally, which I’ll be picking up this afternoon. There’s about a 3 week waiting list for the intake at the ADHD specialist mentioned on the website (oh boy, must use digital agenda!! Place reminders five days before, and 4 and 3 etc lol).

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