The Forums › Forums › Emotional Journey › I'm Scared › Relationships and ADD/ADHD. Hyperfocus
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April 1, 2012 at 1:01 am #90662
AnonymousInactiveApril 1, 2012 at 1:01 amPost count: 14413Hi.
I am a 22 year old male with ADHD and 2e (twice exceptionality).
I’ve recently met a girl whom I really like and we’ve been seeing one another for about 3 months.
I can’t help but think that I constantly walk on eggshells and try to think 50 moves ahead with everything I do when communication isn’t over the phone/in person.
I want to think of something else but as soon as I am off my medication or done my schoolwork while on my medication; she is all that I think about. I’m pretty sure my hyperfocus on her must be annoying.
We’ve been intimate physically and communicate well in person. I just want to give her some room, because I think all of my attention gives her no time to develop more feelings for me.
I’m sure I can’t be the only one with ADHD/ADD that does his early on in relationships. Any tips?
REPORT ABUSEApril 1, 2012 at 1:44 am #113682ZSimon,
I ruined many relationships when I was younger doing exactly what you describe. Eventually I got lucky and met a girl that liked the attention and we’ve been together ever since. I was your age at the time.
The fact that you recognize the behavior is a huge step forward. I really wish I had seen this in myself earlier. You can talk to her about it, or create reminders for yourself to give her space. On the other hand your intensity will never go away, so maybe it’s better to find out if she likes it? I must admit that when I was your age I wouldn’t have listened to any of this advice.
Maybe some of the women on the forum can give you better advice. Just know that your not alone.
REPORT ABUSEApril 1, 2012 at 2:03 am #113683Wow. I’ve done that. I thought I was just desperate and clingy and had abandonment issues. And maybe I do. But that’s kinda weird that it might be an ADD issue?
REPORT ABUSEApril 1, 2012 at 3:58 am #113684Hi ZSimon,
Get a copy of “You mean I’m not lazy, stupid or crazy?”. It has a great section on relationships, among other things. It was from this book I learned that my behavior, just as yours, was related to ADD.
-Cyclone
REPORT ABUSEApril 1, 2012 at 8:36 am #113685ZSimon – Best advice I can give is to give her the space that SHE needs and not the space that you THINK she needs. If you go too far the other way then she might think you’re not serious about her.
So talk to her and be attentive. But if she says she wants a night out with her girlfriends or on her own then be cool with that and don’t act possessive. (I am not suggesting you do – but just in case.)
Sounds like you’re a caring and thoughtful guy so that puts you in a good place.
I am speaking as a female here. However, the flaw in this is I am a female with AD/HD so my perceptions might be a bit different from hers.
I do know for me anyway that a possessive guy makes me run a mile and one who doesn’t show real interest makes me run a mile too. There’s a balance and you need to just talk to her.
REPORT ABUSEApril 1, 2012 at 4:10 pm #113686
AnonymousInactiveApril 1, 2012 at 4:10 pmPost count: 14413Have you talked to her about it? Does she know about your ADD? You mentioned that you two communicate well…maybe talk to her & tell her your concerns. If she’s “the one”, she’ll work with you to develop the relationship around your ADD.
REPORT ABUSEApril 1, 2012 at 9:02 pm #113687
AnonymousInactiveApril 1, 2012 at 9:02 pmPost count: 14413Hey thanks for the input everyone
I’ve talked to her about this briefly and she thinks the ADD is cute and told me to not worry about it. She also said that she’ll tell me if anything is too much.
One thing that I find difficult is to do my own thing sometimes while she may be busy with her day. So I’m going to just tell her over text ‘Hey I have to do [this], have a good one beautiful, talk to you later ‘ and so on. Then focus on something for a few hours.
We’ve spent a day or two of every weekend together and talk often. 3-5 times per week. Sometimes for 2 hours.. Usually however long she talks for before realizing that its late / hearing a yawn (lol).
Today for example she has a huge proposal to do, so she told me that she’ll message me later. Now I’m just distracting myself with my hobby (planes) and some studying.
What I’m glad about is that the relationship isn’t one sided; and she also initiates things.. ie. leans in for kisses, messages me, calls, etc.. All I feel like I have to do is keep this balance. That is my biggest worry.
REPORT ABUSESeptember 20, 2013 at 6:12 pm #121966Hi, Im new. Im taking Wellbutrin for my ADD. I think my DR. doesn’t want to give me ritalin or adderal cos I have a history of addiction..I go to the county hospital so I can’t afford an actual dr for add help..I just found out about a yr ago or more…and of course I procastinated learning about it, lol sometimes the wellbutrin works and I can focus, but like today I can’t remember if I took my meds…..so i took it twice if i did…I m going crazy. I take care of my elderly mo with Alzheimers…i have that down pretty much…routine..My sisters don’t believe I have ADD, besides don’t help me with my mom…so i never get a break…..I don’t know anybody else who has this…i like walking around the house thinkin i have to do this and this so I start something and im sittin here at the pc instead thinkin what I should do..I say to myself “I can’t think” and now it is literally what is happening…i have all these thoughts I need help somebody to talk to…
REPORT ABUSESeptember 20, 2013 at 7:29 pm #121967Hi @andreano. Welcome to TADD You came to the right place. 🙂
First of all, do not take the chance of doubling up on your Welbutrin. Overdosing could cause you to have a seizure. Try using a pill minder so that you can tell if you took it. If you are like me and can’t remember to fill the pill minder then it’s probably better to just skip it when you’re not sure.
Second, there are some other ADHD medications that are better than Adderal or Ritalin for people with a history of drug use. You could ask the doctors about them. I don’t know how affordable they are though.
Third, I highly recommend that you try to get some kind of help caring for your mom. I’m in Canada so I don’t know what kind of services are available where you live. If you can’t get professional help maybe you can get a friend to help.
I know what it’s like because I take care of my mom and have a brother who is no help at all. But I have a husband who watches mom when I’m not here and helps a little with the chores so I’m not completely alone.
Have you checked for ADHD support groups in your area? It’s a long shot but there might be one. If not, you have a great group of supportive people here who will understand what you’re going through.
Hang in there. 🙂
REPORT ABUSESeptember 21, 2013 at 7:51 am #121971Hi Andreano. Welcome.
I am sorry you are going through or went through (the thought of going crazy). I can totally relate and it scared the @#&! out of me. I seriously thought I need to be committed to a mental institution and I felt really alone. I was soooo scared. It was months ago (before I realized I was suffering from untreated ADD). I had pushed myself too hard and became the most physically sick I had ever been and then the “insanity” kicked in (more specifically, the fear of loosing all control and not being able to get anything done and i was going to end up at the bottom again). I couldn’t sleep a wink it was horrible. I had placed so much responsibility and demands on myself, not realizing that my ADD mind couldn’t handle it.
It sounds like with the stress of your mom, you need to figure out how you can get help with that. It is a huge stress and responsibility on your shoulders. I understand how humbling it is to ask for help. It is the hardest thing to do because I like to think I can do everything all by myself.
Welcome. There are a lot of nice people here.
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