sabatoging myself

[Nanapamela]

I am fifty-one years old and struggling with my ADHD. I feel I am always unsure of myself. I am always concerned that I will say or blurt out the wrong thing. I have been told I can be emotionally draining and that upsets me. How can I not ruin or sabotage my relationships with co-workers, family and friends with this frustrating problem I have? Living with ADHD is a nightmare at times.

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[Patte Rosebank]

I spent 41 years feeling as you do. Since being diagnosed in April, and being on Concerta (augmented with Ritalin when necessary), I feel a calm I’ve never felt before. I no longer have the racing thoughts that just spill out, uncensored—which can be so emotionally draining to those around me. And because I’m now in control of my words and actions, I no longer obsess about whether or not I made a good impression.

Are you getting any sort of medical treatment for your ADHD? It really will make a huge difference. Medication isn’t the only answer, but, based on my own experience, it gives you the impetus to make the necessary lifestyle changes in order to function.

If you’re not getting treatment for your ADHD, please ask your doctor to refer you to a psychiatrist who specializes in ADHD. And a life coach (in-person or an online version) will help you with making the necessary behavioural changes so you can harness all the wonderful things about having ADHD, and control all the difficulties of having it.

Good luck!

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[BAM123]

I concure make sure you get treatment – more than likely the right medication will releive your symptoms and allow you to see and feel the difference in behavior. I have learned this is not a self control issue or something you can WILL yourself out of/ I still look for natural ways and methods to control symptoms – but you meed to get soem releif and perspective first and that means treatment is a must to start with.

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[Nanapamela]

I wonder if there is any natural treatment out there.

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[Robbo]

I started working on this post late last night/early this morning I think, then let is camp on my desktop. It’s more important to really try to give back here nowadays. That’s nearly impossible when ya work yourself to death trying to understand ADHD, and feel like I’m clueless. I hope to look back and see myself growing years from now. Patience in a bitch.

I can relate to all of what you’ve said. Please try to be patient with yourself. I’m finding out that it’s indeed a very long difficult road changing how we relate to people. I simply can’t relate to all people. That’s my newest realization. I need to really accept the fact that I won’t fit in everywhere. It’s painful, but less painful than the endless struggle my life has been. Doing more listening and less talking is one of the best changes I’ve been able to make. I don’t end up with my foot in my mouth if it’s not open and yapping. Sounds so dang simple huh?, it ain’t!.

I’m taking a break from charging out into the world to make people accept that ADHD is real. Lot’s of real experts are already doing that. I’m not one of them yet. I hope to remember saying this. I have to admit I’m still a beginner.

Lot’s of education is the bulk of the solution for me, I’ve spent tons of time reading here. Tons of time watching the video’s, and I need to keep on working on it. My memory still fights letting all this new info and a different approach to life stick. I am one rebellious dude. It’s a little bit sickening how much I fight change.

Nutrition is an excellent natural treatment, a very important additional tool. Good healthy food is medicine. Self discipline is not taboo in learning to live with ADHD. We just have to quit being too hard on ourselves. It’s a different discipline, a very tricky sort of tight rope walk. Follow the advice here.

I feel like a hypocrite writing a lot of the stuff above here. I’m just deep in one of the downs of the ups n downs life includes.

My biggest struggles are the sticking with new habits like writing down all my plans in my planner, setting my phone to remind me to do all the little stuff I forget. I don’t want to do this, it really pisses me off that I have to write so much down.

Dealing with ADHD is a lifelong journey. There’s no quick fix to this.

I have to remind myself that I do have plenty of good qualities to offer. I just have to be more selective about who I offer them to.

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[trashman]

Robbo, I read your post and just enjoy some of the nuggets of truth and wisdom that seem to come out of your posts. I can say with all honesty that I to feel that I don’t have a lot to give back. It dose fill my heart with joy on the days that I have enough focus to read a long line of posts and be able to give back a big I can relate or Thank-you or may be even a word of encouragement hoping to build up some one in there struggle .

I seem to have a very sensitive heart and carry my emotions on my sleeve. I don’t like that about me but don’t know how to change this. so I am who I am I spend more and more time by myself.so I don’t say or do something stupid. I wish I could run away from my self I would. but at age forty nine I know that this is not possible . I try not to say to much of how I am feeling because my family and one or two friend are tied of hearing about it. so every now and then you wonder full allow me to come here and pour out my feelings , so Thank-You all.

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[Robbo]

Thanks trashman,

It’s not wrong to wear our heart on our sleeve, that’s just my opinion. My attitude has been a little bit better lately and I’ve taken another step back from some challenging new friendships. I haven’t given up. Just letting myself take a break from the struggle of trying to be a friend to people I don’t yet have that much in common with. I’m giving myself a rest. I will keep putting myself out into the world and taking risks, just putting myself into different social settings. Having my heart out on my sleeve is simply part of how I’m built. So I have become willing to step back from people and places that push me too hard to act like someone I may never be. Now I have more energy to spend on the friendships that are working.

Being a friend is becoming more important than having friends. I accept where I am in the big picture of humanity, I do fit when I focus more on what I can do to bring some comfort to other folks, the folks I’m able to be a friend to are more like me, not the social butterflies. People struggling as much as me with being a human being. When I look for these people I find a lot more than I ever realized were out there.

Part of what lets me move foreword is letting go of what our society considers successful people. I’ve spent a lot of time hiding out from the world because I wanted to fit in with the those people. I have to take responsibility for putting off learning how to really just be a friend until now. The more I surrender to whatever role I’ve been given, the easier it is to be happy with it. I’m finding that learning to be a friend to people is enough, friendships that I have judged as lower on the social ladder are actually much more rewarding when I stop comparing my life to the wrong people. I’m not less, just different. I’m part of the vast majority of humanity that might only end up with a small handful of quality friendships, they will be more real and lasting than a lot of what I’ve had. We’re not very visible in the artificial world of Entertainment, Movies, and TV. There are not a lot of those popular good looking people in real life.

Keeping my expectations out of the equation and focusing on what I can contribute is letting me feel more comfortable with the friends I do have. However humble we may be. The friendships that accept me as I am are with folks that are just as far behind learning social skills as me. Real people, people I meet in support groups and the ones struggling just as much as I am with mental health issues. Honest people.

It’s hard work but I’m learning to accept the good feedback I get from folks at my level. I’m settling in to being part of the folks with their hearts out on their sleeves a little bit more. I’ll bet there are more of us in the world than we think.

Now you say, “stick with me kid, you’ll go far” cuz I’m a couple years younger

Peace Brother

6-28-12

PS, it’s freaky when I feel like I’ve made some good decisions and have a measureable amount of dignity. I can imagine one of my ex-girlfriends saying “you think you’re so cool” lol. what a load of crap that was, huh? hek, sometimes it don’t matter how I spell measureable. I’m comfortable in my skin here now, n most days that’s all that matters. Cool, huh?

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[Anonymous]

Wow…just joined believe this website is God-sent. 62 years old female and am becoming more and more OK with me being different. Not something family “gets” but I feel there is great hope for my life with greater understanding and support for me and those around me

as well. Went to a psychiatrist got concerta and couldnt get myself to take. I take so may other meds (high blood pressure, high

choleserol and digestive issues) I would rather find alternative options. Can anyone advise me. Really looking forward to getting the

tools for living with ADD. Thanks for sharing.

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[trashman]

HI, if the only reason you are not taking the meds you where given is because of the amount of other meds you are taking. I would suggest that you go through the process of finding the right medication and the right dose. Then decide if these meds are for you.they are probably safer then some of your other meds.

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[Robbo]

Hi Prayraynorshine,

Good name ya picked out there. Hey! I got an idea, check out the holistic approach to this thing. Use google to search this site by typing this

Holistic approach to ADHD site:totallyadd.com

copy and paste that line above as it, in the google search window, you’ll get a bunch of links to pages all over this site on the holistic solutions to ADHD. But don’t post a link to the search result on this thread, even if you really really want to, because for some crazy reason that crashes the thread you post it on, and then it won’t open ever again, forever!, that’s a long dang time, okay?, good, now good luck on your mission should you choose to accept it.

I got a cool list of threads and really good blogs from this web site when I did the google search thing. But watch out for the homeopath stuff. I don’t trust that watered down medicine stuff, it’s not berry smart, in fact, it’s kinda like snake oil if you know what I mean.

Okay, now go get em tiger!

7-3-12

PS, ignore the first one that says “Synaptol” that’s a paid Ad google puts on top of the list to trick us. They get paid a lil every time someone from here clicks on it at all. Same thing with the results on the right side. They’re all paid search results, in other words, it’s sorta like a legal way for the people sellin junk to pay google a kind of “bird-dog” fee, or a “kick-back”. So I just ignore the ones that say “Ads” really small in grey letters so you almost don’t notice em. Heck you guys, advertising is why google makes so maynee billions of bux. Jus by tricking us into buying stuff because it’s familiar! Jus from seeing it over n over n over on the computer screen, tv screen, billboards, labels, checkout counters, on and on, heck that’s why Nascar cars got stickers all over em, those drivers get paid thousands of dollars each time they take a big swig of that crappy soda pop! especially after they win a race, gross huh? … DGMS! Ukay, I’ll cut it out, I might end up taking high blood pressure medicine too. I bet if you quit drinking stuff like soda, and other junk food it might help with your blood pressure. Ya never know. I might be on to something here friend.

PPS, holy moly, I just realized, All 3 of the first 3 links from the google search are advertisement. Sorry about that. Just skip to the ones where it shows the address of the page it links ya to. If it starts with “totallyadd.com” it’s a ‘probably” real link to something good here, but even the 4th one is about some homeopathic junk. JMHO. You’re on your own with the rest, mostly it’s good stuff if you don’t mind the google ads all across the top, not too hard to ignore if ya ask me. I bet ya know about most of this stuff. But it’s always good to be reminded. I don’t want to help sell stuff I know exactly nothing about. That’s just me.

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