Same problem, same story

[srinat]

I was diagnosed when I was 16.  I’m 30 now.

Today I’m angry.  I’m angry because I’ve been having a hard time lately and I tried to explain to my new boyfriend about the ADHD.  Like so many other people, he tried to comfort me by saying things like “everyone has these hard times” and “everyone thinks differently” etc.

I know he’s just trying to make me feel ‘normal’ but it’s the same story I get so often.  It’s not like “everyone”.  It’s me, it’s us here on this forum.  I’m not just some person who can’t cope with life and who sometimes gets the blues, and who panics and cries because my room is a mess and trying to think about starting some kind of process to clean it is overwhelming.  And continues to cry because being paralyzed and overwhelmed by the idea of housecleaning is ridiculous and I feel like a complete idiot.

Being told that everyone has these problems is like telling someone who’s clinically depressed that everyone gets sad.  It’s like saying to a person with Aspergers that you believe everyone is on that spectrum somewhere.  It’s not the same and to say that it is doesn’t comfort me, it undermines all of the difficulty I’m having and shames me for being unable to handle basic tasks.

The whole “we all have troubles” narrative erases us rather than welcoming us.  Because I don’t have some kind of visible disability, people think they’re welcome to decide whether I have ADHD or not or, worse still, whether they ‘believe’ in it.

I don’t know how to explain in a way that makes sense.  I’m leaning towards a new strategy of leaving “ADHD” out entirely and just saying I have a neuroatypicality.

Anyone have any luck gently explaining to someone that support doesn’t mean pretending there’s no real problem?

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[kc5jck]

Leave it out.  Later if there is some aspect you wish for him to know you can say something like:

I need to tell you that I am not lazy, crazy, or stupid, I have been diagnosed with ADHD.  (Not to be confused with STD.)  If you’re like the 96% of the people that aren’t, you probably don’t have a clue of what ADHD is.  I don’t want you to say “I’m sorry”, “it’s OK”, or “everyone is handicapped it’s just that some handicaps are more obvious than others.”   I want you to know that I value our relationship and I want you to understand that . . . (then explain why you’re telling him.  Such as “although it looks like I’m following an imaginary bat around the room, I really am paying attention to what you are saying.” )

His response will let you know if you should invest any more of your time in him.

 

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[Patte Rosebank]

@Srinat, PBS stations have started airing “ADD…And Loving It?!” again. You could find out when your local station is airing it, and the two of you could sit down and watch it together.

Telling him that two of the guys from “The Red Green Show” are on it, so it’ll be funny, is a great way to get him interested in watching it.

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[spngbob]

Had the same issue with housework and sunk into a deep depression. As always  happens to me someone came along and said just what I needed to hear because I was brave enough to be vulnerable and share with him what was going on

he said to me you are looking at the whole picture and giving up. The truth is housework is never ending. Accept that. Let it be. Then break it down and do one thing at a time. Pick what you want to star with and then do the thing in front of you. Nothing else but that thing. Then take a break and do the next.

 

i dunno that really sunk in. Like some higher power spoke through him. Trick is it becomes a mantra. “I’m doing the thing in front of me”

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[kc5jck]

After watching ADD…And Loving It? several times, I noticed that they not only try to educate the viewer about ADHD, but Patrick and Rick exhibit the behaviors, and the editing of the film is such that presents to the viewer how the world seems to one with ADHD, with short scenes that move rapidly from one to the next .  .  .  and back.

Did anyone else notice Mike Meyers in one of the shots?

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[delboy]

I totally understand.  You just want to scream…”so you’ve lost a couple of travel mugs”, that’s not it, don’t you get it…I think I’ve lost my coffee mug several times a day”… frankly I should own stock in Bubba mugs…I buy enough of them…and it’s not just the loss of the mug…which I find very difficult to let go of…as I beat myself knowing that another one has bitten the dust, it’s the ramifications of the losses.

Unless you “get it”, how can you possible think of the many ways the loss of a cup can be embarrassing…when you go back in the conference room to pick up the mug you believe you have lost in that room, or others asking what you are looking for…and here “you mean you lost it again?” 

It is the silly things like this that undermine me, that cause non-ADDERS to believe I’m an airhead, when I’m not.  It can all be so frustrating.  However, back to the issue of telling a boyfriend…the only time I was able to get across to one that severity of just a few of my issues, was when he had previously been involved with someone who had ADD, and had lived through it with her, and so he understood…a little 🙂

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[READPHX]

I was an undiagnosed dyslexic for most of my youth, could barely read or write until computers and word processing software became available the masses. I was diagnosed with ADD 16 years ago, I was 38, married with 4 young children. I’ve been writing for the last 12 years. Writing has become my therapy, my escape, my gift, and my vehicle to enlighten others as to how an ADD mind processes information. If you have ADD, you identify with all or part of the poem I’ve penned below.

ADD is a part of you, embrace it, figure out how to use it to your advantage and let others you have ADD.

An ADD Mind..

Thoughts run through my mind at a furious pace, yet sometimes so focused..I lose track of time and space.

I’ve finished sentences for some who can’t keep pace, I live most of my days as if in a foot race.

I’ve dealt with anxiety which is hard to erase, yet in the eye of the storm… there’s no fear in my face..

I’ve driven by my destination at times having to retrace, yet can adjust to road blocks…no longer displaced…

Daily multitasking I’m at my best, managing the bubble most are quite impressed.

I can adapt myself from simple to chic, converse with those from the powerful to the meek..

I’ve come to points of perfect clarity, solved problems after great disparity, had visions beyond reality, yet can lose my mind over simple formality.

My vision of the world is quite unique, it allows me to see what others still seek.

My creativity reaches higher than the highest peak, solving problems others consider bleak.

There are many of us who share the same, some go onto fortune and fame.

If the words I’ve penned strike you as true, know your gift is unique…. and part of you.

T.READ

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[shilde]

Hey that was  GREAT poem or RAP I went back and read it twice. im SHARON and I have ADD

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[Author]

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