Should I visit the psychiatrist?

[milosx7]

First of all, hello forums!

Ever since I was a kid I was a dreamer. Kids hated me because I’d go out for half an hour and just weasel out because I wanted to play games. They thought I hated them, when in reality if I was doing something that I didn’t want, and think of something that I actually want to be doing, I literally feel this, sort of pain in my chest, and it doesn’t go away if I don’t get what I want! I couldn’t pay attention in school, I was always so lost in thinking what game I’m going to be playing when I get back. I had crazy, wicked ideas, when I was lost in thoughts (usually always when I have to attend something and all I wanna do is be at my computer). I ran a game server and programmed different mods for that server when I was just 12 years old. I was, still am, a computer genius, I didn’t just play games all day.

My narcissistic parents always beat me up because I wasn’t doing good at school. I would either have straight A, or straight D. For example, I had a straight A in English, but straight D in mother, Serbian, because I haven’t read a single book – I just can’t read, I always forget what I’ve read because books are boring, and I have to go through a page multiple times until I remember. My parents always called me uninterested in everything and damn lazy. But I don’t get how I am lazy and uninterested if, for example I can stay up for 3 days straight doing nothing but code, I don’t even eat or go to the bathroom. Just sit there, and write thousands lines of code. I still have crazy ideas and still writing useful software and games!

I’m also very reckless. I do lots of drugs. Mostly weed. But amphetamines and mda are my favorite. I avoid doing them too much so I don’t OD. I don’t do drugs so I can be cool kid y’all. I do drugs alone, in my room. Amphetamines actually make me clean my room, take a bath, which I rarely do, and most of all, they put this “pause” on my brain. Feels kind of normal to me. People say amphetamines makes them hyper, in my case they just make me feel, well, kind of normal. Same with MDA, but I take MDA when I go partying

First time when I went to the psychiatrist, of course, my narcissistic parents had to attend the meeting as well. So I had to lie that I don’t consume drugs, which is already bad since diagnosis would be way off. Terrible. They blamed my laziness and forgetfulness on the games (??), and the psychiatrist thought I was just depressed for some reason, that’s why I “played video games all day” – which I don’t. My parents said I did, that’s how they interpret me sitting on a computer. They are technologically handicapped 😀

So I was prescribed some sidata and bromazepam. I gladly took them, because I’m a junkie, I’d take anything (after I do a complete research about what it is that I’m taking, and absolutely know every ups and downs of it, did that before I tried any drug, and I tried all sorts of different crazy stuff). They just made me feel worse, and gave me sleep paralysis

I’m not depressed. I assure you, I’m 100% sure I’m not depressed. I know what I want in life, and I’m heading there STRONG! I was depressed when my first girlfriend left me, and I know how depression feels. I’m lots of anxious tho. For some reason I love taking so much drugs and owing so much money, and coming up with all the money one hour before the deadline. It’s crazy! I know I can be in big trouble, yet I just delay trying to get some money until the last moment.

If nothing else, I’d just visit a psychiatrist so I could get help to stop my reckless drug habit. Maybe I’m perfectly fine, but drugs kind of ruined me.

• This topic was modified 5 years, 9 months ago by milosx7.

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