So Frustrated Being Me!

[lexie]

I am a 48 year old woman who came to the realization that pretty much everything I have attempted in life was a failure! I have moments of brilliance that are sabotaged by the stupid things that I do.

Most recently in a long list, I have been given a wonderful opportunity to work part time at a college with students. Pay is not horrible, especially since I can pretty much pick my own office hours (I have a 4 year old so this is HUGE). Things pretty much go swimmingly until all of a sudden they aren’t.

Most recently in preparing an event along with a student leader, there were a few things that really had to get done-the most important being getting the under 18 year old’s to get a parent signature on a waiver so that they are able to attend.This can be a little difficult because some of these students are from other countries. We are now 3 days from the event, and students just received waivers today. This is not good.I knew this had to be done in a timely manner, but somehow time slips by and it gets put on the back burner until all of a sudden something clicks in my brain and the realization hits…. And then the anxiety and self loathing kick in.

I am so tired of being embarrassed! I am tired of knowing that I’m going to screw up and it is something that I seemingly have no control over. I’m tired of being the weak link all of the time. I’m sick to death of wondering if this time I’m going to be asked to leave.

As a pre-teen I was diagnosed with ADD, and according to my mother was pretty all over the place. I was put on a strong drug (usually used for epilepsy patients) for at least 6 years (if not longer), while my brain was being ‘trained’ (maybe it was, I don’t know). In my late teens I came off the drug and was set loose on the world!

I come across as competent, calm and well spoken–I present well, which makes my stupid mistakes all the more baffling to those I work with.

I can have terrible anxiety, have had depression, and have a terrible self worth. My memory is awful. I have to really focus on making sure I listen to the words being spoken in a conversation–I tend to think about other things while someone is talking and don’t hear a word being said.

Most of my 40 something friends are at the stage where they have a really good grip on who they are and have reached high points in their careers and personal lives. I wonder if I will (at the very least) ever come to a place of peace where I have more control over my life. I want to learn techniques that will help to deal with my lapses in memory/bad habits created over a life time of living with this disability. I want to know if I should be on medication. Would that help?? Where do I start?

I want to make myself ‘work’ better, but have no idea where to begin……..

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[shutterbug55]

I thought I was the only one who feels like that.
You have heard of the Midas touch? Everything Midas touches, turns to gold.
I have what I call the Roto-Rooter touch: Everything I touch, turns to… Yea you get the picture.

Most of what I do for work is pretty mundane stuff that anyone can do, so I have check lists and procedures to keep me from making the same mistakes over and over. I add to the lists, so the mistakes I know I will make, come further and further apart.

I got lucky, because my procedures and checklists got the attention of management and pretty soon I became the rain-man of process improvement in our company. My advice would be to make checklists for those things that mess you up the most. Write check lists, FOLLOW the checklists. they do you no good, if you don’t use them. Write up procedures and make sure they work before you automate them or commit them to checklists. Remember checklists can have “by When” dates, to let you know what needs to happen, on what ever date.

I think you will see benefits to doing this pretty quickly. Check lists schedules help me past that panic mode that happens when I get overwhelmed.

Let me know how it works out for you.

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[susank]

I so get the being smart, but so often falling short thing. I’m blessed by being married to a corporate leadership coach. One of the best things he taught me is to use a suspense calendar. I’ve heard this idea a number of times on this site and I know it works for me. I wrote my doctoral dissertation using a suspense calendar and my ADHD is so bad, I should never have been able to do it. Break the job down into smaller parts – like really small parts, and include everything that will need to be done – don’t leave anything out by telling yourself you’ll remember it – you won’t. Put all these steps on a calendar, giving yourself a generous runway before the due date. Now, here’s the most important thing – when you see the task(s) on the calendar – DO THEM. If you put them off to another day, they’ll begin to pile up and you’ll get overwhelmed. Just because we have ADHD, doesn’t mean we can’t be disciplined – we can’t use our disability to just give up. There’s a book called, Eat That Frog, by Brian Tracy. He says if you had to eat a live frog every day, you’d need to get up and do it first thing – otherwise you’d think about it all day. Each morning, do that thing you don’t want to do FIRST. Having ADHD means we have to work harder and smarter.

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[lexie]

Thank you both so much for your responses! I enjoyed both of your experiences.

Shutterbug55 I do make lists and add to them as needed, BUT have to remember to look at them, especially when things are starting to get a little overwhelming.

I have not heard of a suspense calendar before susank. I’m guessing that it takes a certain amount of time to plot out, and then, get down on a calendar-an extra step to completing a task–but totally worthwhile if it allows one to be successful.

I’ll keep working with my lists and try the suspense calendar.

 

 

 

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[seanmacky]

I am very glad I came across your posts and the ones’ following.  I must echo shutterbug55 , by saying “I thought I was the only one who feels like that.”  Lexie, I totally relate to you when you say that you do something brilliant, followed by screw-ups.  As soon as I give myself a pat on the back, it’s like I lose sight of what’s ahead and drive off the road.

 

I do customer service work and it takes me a LONG time to absorb the training and be able to get a smooth, efficient pattern down.  And of course I change jobs for various ADD reasons and have to learn a new system again.  If anyone has any thoughts about how to take good notes or to pick up all the info you must absorb in Customer Service work, please, any advice would be welcome.  I work at IT help desks.  A lot of troubleshooting, “This does not work, help!”

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