So much to do…

[doublel]

After many years of struggling with my son’s behaviour (and the lack of support from the medical field) in school we took him to Chisholm Centre and had an evaluation done and it was determined he was ADHD.   During the evaluation and after answering hundreds of questions about him I finally said to myself “oh my gosh that is me!”    My son (11) and myself (46) are identical creatures…it’s actually pretty scary when I realize how many similarities we share.

Josh was diagnosed and we started him on Concerta and life is good…..except I knew I was ADHD too, I felt I was holding a secret but didn’t know what to do with it.

My job was turned upside down and the whole structure of my work life was in a mess (still kind is but that is an 11 o-clock movie another time) it was then I realized I would have to be diagnosed to get a handle on it so I could function in this new world at work.  Sink or swim….not even sure I can say I’m swimming these days…

I knew what kind of doctor I need to call ….I wanted to do this rather quickly….so I made an appointment and went to see him…..after a few weeks he confirmed what I already knew….I knew I was ADHD before he told me, I have never been so sure of anything in my life as I was with my diagnosis.

I started with Vyvanse (spelling?) oh did I mention that I am a terrible speller?   mostly lazy….really….I felt so bizarre!  weird…out in left field….but I didn’t realize the more I focused on how weird I felt the more I felt weird….LOL…did you get that?   of course you did 🙂

So we adjusted here and there…then to Concerta….all over the board….and this has really only been in the last year.   I still today do not know if I am on the right med for me or know what dose I should be taking.  After a few weeks my side effects go away and I feel more scattered so I think I need an increase….but this keeps happening to me….doc doesn’t really think I need it…and that I my level of “production” is measured by a new standard and now I’m expecting that correction from the increase…does that make sense?  I’ll try again…without meds I run at 50% production, take concerta and now run at 75% ….body get used to concerta and start to decrease a bit in production so doc increases the does but I do not get an additional 25% production maybe only an additional 15….So, am I on the right dose?   I do not have any of the side effects that I had when I first started the meds.   Is that ok?  I’m mean yes, it’s good…but sometimes you can measure your adequate dose by what it does and does not do for you right?

Also…I know I should be reading about ADHD and learning more about it, as I suspect there might be other things lurking within, but I don’t like to read…I’d much rather walk around forgetting what I was going to do….or scroll through Pinterest looking for new projects to start and not finish….cause there are about 10 of them staring at me right now….and if I start another sentence with “oh honey I had this great idea!” my husband is going to check into the psych hospital….

Right now I feel out of control…I do not know what needs to be done or how I am going to get it all done….my doctor will flip when I see him next week…give me crap for starting these projects…

How I describe myself lately….I can’t talk anymore…I am ok with those close to me but in a meeting at work I am a mess….I try to talk, make myself look normal but I cannot articulate what I want to say….I know the words, I speak them but where are they when I need to use them?   My brain is like one of those loto machines….all of the balls are bouncing around in there and then one will pop out with one of the winning numbers on it….for me all those balls represent words, bouncing around in my head and when I am speaking I am frantically searching for the right ball.  So I sound dumb…when in fact I am average articulate, but I cannot pause the world so I can find the right word or “edit” my sentence then play again so no one knows witnesses my pauses and awkward broken sentences…

I know my meds are working because I am very focused at work on my projects…sometimes too much so that I don’t get other tasks done because I am nit picking about details that don’t really matter….but my mind is going crazy!

Sometimes at work I will go looking for a word document saved on my computer and can’t find it because the files I created a  mess so I will re-organize all of my files and folders in my desk top….classic ADD…and today I realize why everything is a mess….because at one time I thought I would just stick all the files “there” and when I had time to dedicate I would clean it up….today I realize that it was not time I needed to do the task it was the focus I needed to do the task.  When I was in the mind set to seriously focus on the clean up of the files ….I would do it….that mind set only visited my body once or twice a year….and when it did there were far more important things to be focused on than sorting files….so you can just imagine the hundreds of files waiting to be cleaned up….which I now do when I am looking for a file that I can’t find….look a cow!

I am 46, always late, disorganized, pretty sure my keys are in my purse,  work full time and have two kids.   I also have an on-line scrapbook business which tends to be ignored far too often because I’m too busy forgetting what I’m supposed to be doing.  I live in southern Ontario with hubby.

My husband is far too structured for my liking but at the same time I need it…when he goes away fishing for the weekend I jump for joy because I can come and go as I wish and can get completely off track and not have to worry about what time I need to be home….my kids (6 and 11) love it too….I love to take off for the day and drive to Ikea…then decide we need to hit a second hand store in a town an hour away…then plug in Swiss Chalet into the GPS in another city….on our way for chicken we will stop at places that look interesting because we have not been there before….gypsies….last weekend my sons says….how do you know how to get to all these places mom?   I don’t …I wing it….

Glad I found this forum….I need you 🙂

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[kc5jck]

I love posts like the above . . . they make me feel so normal.  (As in, it sounds so much like my situation – or, normal for this group.)

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[blackdog]

Whew! That was a long one. I’m not criticizing and I know it’s something that you just can’t help. But just remember that a lot of us don’t like to read that much. Shorter is better.

(Hello, Pot? This is Kettle. You’re black.)

I don’t like to read much either, unless it’s for fun, and even then I read only a little at a time. Unless I get really into a story and kind of hyper-focus on it….Getting to the point, there are a lot of videos you can watch. And people here who have read all about ADHD can answer some of your questions.

Now, as for the medication issue, I can’t help you there. The only one I have ever taken for a long period of time is Welbutrin. I have been on Ritalin before but my doctor didn’t really know what he was doing and didn’t stick with it long enough to find the right dose.

However, if you feel the medication is working for you, as you said, then I suspect there may be a different cause for your speech problems. Do you get really anxious when you have to speak in front of people at work? I know I do. And believe me, I look stupid 90% of the time. When I’m at home thoughts just flow and the words will just spill out effortlessly. And I always think “Why couldn’t I say that before? Why can’t I be like this around other people?”

Just something to think about. You could try some relaxation techniques maybe. And don’t be afraid to pause for a bit and just ask everyone to give you a second if you need it. If it is a meeting that you can prepare for ahead of time, try jotting down what you want to say on a note pad and taking it with you. I have started doing this all the time for doctors appointments and things so that I don’t freeze up and forget what I want to say.

It sounds like we are a lot alike. Your story about cleaning up the files on your computer reminds me of how I clean up the house. Twice a year, whether it needs it or not. 😉

It is good that your husband is so structured. It really helps to have someone around to keep things on track. But it is also good that you get away every now and then and get to be a gypsy for a day. I have a friend with ADHD, much more severe than mine, who has been helping me to learn coping strategies. And she told me she tries to give herself at least one or two days a week to just be totally free without any structure. That helps her to stay focused on the days when she really needs to be.

This is getting really long so I better take my own advice and shut up now. But I may have a few more things to add later, in another post. In fact I know I do. I always have something more to say….

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[kc5jck]

Oh no blackdog, double broke her post up into easy to read chapters.

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[blackdog]

Glad you added that last sentence to your first post kc5jck. It kind of sounded a little insulting the way it was. I know you didn’t mean it that way, but it looked that way.

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[jojosephine]

I love when my husband goes to work and goes away. It means I can do things on my own schedule. He stresses my out and it makes me irritable that he can swoop in and do a task or a chore that I have been trying to complete all day or makes a comment about something being messy or not done.  I, also, get so offended when he reminds me to do things like I am some sort of idiot. I know it is all me and my low self esteem (which is something I have to really work on).

I know what you mean about structure. For all my life I have wanted nothing but to live a structured life. For example, my life-long girlfriend has always had a simple, organized and nicely decorated home that she did herself very thriftily. Her clothes closet always consisted of modern clothes that she currently wore and nothing else. When we went away on trips she was able to know exactly what she would need and packed light I would be lugging around a huge over-packed suitcase . When I have achieved living a structured life (in all areas), I will have successfully mastered my ADD.

I love going on road trips with my kids because I am not faced with the daunting chores at home, not to mention my kids won’t make a mess that will just add to the daunting chores. It was always a rush to get out and see new things.

I live in southern Ontario too. I am 40. I have a 2 and a 5 year old. I run my own business from home. and I am trying so desperately to get organized in both. I started Vyvanse a couple of weeks ago (still working on finding the right dose). And I will be starting some cognitive based therapy fairly soon. Right now I am trying some strategies on my own. I am looking to start an Adult ADD support group, because in my area there isn’t much unless I want to drive 45 min south or 45 minutes north. Please message me if you would be interested in something like this. (If we life close enough).

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[doublel]

Yea I know…sorry, it was a bit long, but it was my initial post and now I won’t have to re-post any of those paragraphs becasue I already let them loose here….:) and now you know who I am…realivively speaking 🙂

Don’t worry I am not offended…thanks for the compliement about my paragraphs, it’s something I make sure I do to create interest…I once had (key word HAD) a friend who would send me email messages that were essays long and in one paragraph…..yuck!  That was brutal, and so obvious there shuld have been some line breaks….any way we wont get into that today 🙂

So I think my next step is to identify what my problem is with my lotto words…maybe it’s anxiety and self esteem….that would be my first guess then I can seek out some help/tools to help me.

I have some ideas where to look but if any of you can offer suggestions I’m all ears…

Also, I think I need to hook hubby up to some information about dealing with people with ADHD.  I often find myself coming to my sons defence because my husband doesn’t know how to speak to him….Josh is so sensitive, and sometimes my husband does not practice this when he is communicating with Josh.  Of course he needs it for dealing with me too  🙂

Blackdog please feel free to post more on my orginal post….

kc5jck….looking forward to future conversations with people like me 🙂

jojosephine…I messaged you about a group, thank you 🙂  I hate it when my dh reminds me to make sure I give my son his meds!  Makes me feel like a kid.  Your first paragraph…I could have wrote.  wow.   My husband irritates me ….I don’t like to say that but it’s true.  One thing he does that tops my list is this…..actually I will give you the example that happened last week…I had to work late, I started at 8:30 AM and worked until 7:00pm, I told him I would PROBABLY work until 7:30 then I will stop and pick up meatballs (specialty store) then head home ( I work 30 minutes from home – small town with limited food/clothing/fast food selection so we plan out trips so we don’t have to drive back and forth for the thngs we need)  I left work at 7 went and bought meat balls then I remembered we needed hamburg from Costco, so I stopped there and picked up a few things as it is difficult to fit all these chores.  I got home at 9 ish and he flipped out…you should have been home at 8:15, then proceeds to plan out where I should have been in 15 minute intervals….in order to be home at 8:15.   yea.  I was real impressed.  you think I was out at a bar drinking or trying to avoid my family.  I was running around like an idiot to pick up all the things we needed …kids needed stuff for school, we needed food items…etc.

Not happy.

He needs to be educated on how to handle me and our son …if you can recomend any good reading for him I’d love it 🙂

 

 

 

 

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[Patte Rosebank]

@Doublel, your trail of “just one more thing…” is so familiar!

It used to drive me nuts that time keeps getting away from me, and I don’t even feel it passing, unless someone tells me, or I set an alarm.

Now, I know that we ADDers have trouble with abstract concepts—and “time” in the human world is a man-made abstract bunch of measurements. No wonder we can’t feel time passing, or estimate how long it’ll take to do something!

Even though I now understand why I have trouble with time-perception, I still have to set a series of alarms, and carefully back-plan all the steps to get somewhere or do something, to figure out how long it’ll take. And make a schedule and force myself to stick to it.

But I still screw this up sometimes (like, today), but not as often.

________________________

“It makes me feel like a kid when my dh reminds me…”

That happens a lot in ADHD “mixed marriages”.

The non-ADHD partner feels like they need to take responsibility for everything, or it won’t get done. To the ADHD partner, this feels like “He (or she) thinks I’m a kid!” A marriage is supposed to be an equal partnership, so if it turns into a “parent and child” dynamic, there’s going to be resentment in both partners.

It’s one of the things in Melissa Orlov’s book “The ADHD Effect on Marriage”. And communication is a big part of it.

It also helps if you can laugh about the things that frustrate you.

Have you seen “ADD…And Loving It?”—the documentary that led to TotallyADD? (http://totallyaddshop.com/products/add-loving-it#.UkSbMBe9KK0)

It has some lovely moments, when Patrick McKenna (who has ADHD) and his wife (who doesn’t) talk about their marriage. They love that ADHD means life is never dull, and that it gives them so much to laugh about…if not in the moment, then later on.

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[blackdog]

@doublel

I meant to tell you before how much I like your lottery ball words description. I sort of think of it as going through a filing cabinet searching for the right file. But lottery balls describes it better.

As usual, I don’t actually remember what I was going to say when I said I have more to say. Things tend to get lost on the journey from short term to long term in my brain.

I believe your husband thinks that he is helping when he does those things, that he doesn’t mean to criticize and treat you like a child. Have you tried talking to him and telling him how you feel? Just let him know that you appreciate his help and advice but that you feel like he’s treating you like a child sometimes. And explain to him why you do the things you do, like losing track of time.  Knowing the why really makes a difference.

There are things you can do to help too. Using alarms like Larynxa mentioned, for example. Another thing that I do is talk things out with myself. As I am getting ready to go I’ll go over what I have to do step by step- “Okay, first I am going to go to Canadian Tire and then up to Dollarama. Then I am going to go to the pharmacy and pick up my medication….” Of course, my family is used to seeing me talk to myself so I don’t need to worry about looking like I’m losing it.

And I make lists. Lots of lists. I write down what I am going to buy when I go shopping, grouped into categories and listed under the name of the store I am going to buy it at. You can do this even when it’s a last minute thing. As soon as you think “oh, I need to go to Costco for…” stop, get a pen and notepad out and write it down. And make a note of the time and how long you think it will take. Then add at least an extra 15 minutes to that time, ’cause you know you’re going to get derailed somewhere along the way.

The forums are full of tips and strategies that have worked for others. Nothing is ever going to work 100%, but you can get better if you work at it.

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[Patte Rosebank]

“ADD Stole My Car Keys” is another great source of tips and strategies.  And it’s funny too!

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[doublel]

Thank you!!!

I am going to read that….

seriously I am…I have to 🙂

Does anyone have a tablet or kobo?  sorry a little off topic…

 

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[blackdog]

I’m old fashioned, still prefer to read the hard copy. But I know there is a Kindle app for iPad and I’ve been thinking about trying it. But I just can’t quite grasp the concept spending money on a book that isn’t actually a book.

There is no such thing as an off topic post around here. And since the subject being discussed was a book I don’t call this off topic. I would say it also fits the overall theme of the thread, since tablets/ebooks can be space savers and help with organization strategies, like making notes and keeping a schedule. And also, from the opposite point of view, they are a great source of distraction and can lead to a lot of lost time. Like right now, for example, when I am supposed to be taking a shower and getting ready to go to the doctor ( I am sure that it is the 30th now). But I had to wait to get into the bathroom and while I was waiting decided to it down and turn the iPad on…..and here I am.

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