so what now?

[veronica]

hubby and i have been talking about my reactions when i’m called out on something that i have messed up on or dropped the ball on. when someone calls me out, i usually react defensively. “i don’t mean to do it, it just happens”…. it what is usually spat out.

so we’ve been chatting and he’s been helping me recognize these instances (unfortunately these conversations usually come after he’s blown-up from aggravation and impatience of dealing with me). so, now i have recognized that i do this, but what now.

what’s the next step? i can talk and talk about my emotions and how i feel in certain instances for days and days, but what do you do once you recognize the root problem, emotion and reaction? where do you go from there? where the hell is the tool box for that?

REPORT ABUSE

[Ginniebean]

What helps partners more than anything else is realising that there are indeed actual limitations no tool box is going to fix. The destination may be normal but unfortunately that’s not a desitination that we can ever reach. We can implement strategies but the plain fact is that this is an incurable disorder.

There will be symptom leakage, to expect otherwise is unrealistic. It’s perfectly normal to react defensively to criticism and in fact people without adhd do as well. The idea behind ‘constructive criticism’ is well meaning but in practical application it’s still criticism. Emotional dysregulation is a part of adhd and my honest advice is for critical communications (because they too do need to be had) is to do so in an e-mail or in writing. It allows us with adhd to process the information without being overwhelmed by the emotional dysregulation and gives us the time we need to come back with a less impulsive response.

Yes, this kind of communication is very different but it works. It takes into account our processing deficits and is much more likely to be productive than the same ol same ol. I don’t know about you but I always feel ambushed in these types of situations and that’s never been good for me in terms of communication. Communication is the number 1 issue for couples with ADHD and if we want to be apart of the solution we need to stop seeing our actual needs as such impositions that we can’t ask for them.

REPORT ABUSE

[Author]

Posts