Social situations

[Anonymous]

I find myself replaying every conversation over and over in my head. Did I talk to much ? How many times did I interupt others talking? Before events I kinda coach myself not to do these rude things. But I cant help it. When I want to talk I talk alot. When I dont leave me alone. Do other people notice? or maybe its not as bad as I think. or I think that I probably shouldnt of said that it really didnt come out right. I really dont want to be that annouying person I think I sometimes my be. I just know alot about all kinds of things so I normally can relateon many topics. Plus I am now at home alot with my kids so when I am in a adult conversations am ready to talk.

Also last night I was at a pta meeting that sort dragged on and on , I must have checked my email and facebook every 2 minutes, My copy of meeting minutes was covered in doodles. I caught myself at one point and looked around the room to see who else was like me and doing these things. A few but most were paying attention. However even though I wasnt really paying attention I was listening and I think I got most of the info. Unlike the week before where I was not paying attention till I heard my name and then played it off like I was paying attention and unknowingly agreed to a pretty big project. Lets hope the recuits I picked to help are better organized them me. I am a great planner but not so great with the follow thru sometimes. I can deligate pretty well

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[shutterbug55]

I avoid Social situations. Too much going on for me. Big meetings are a different thing alltogether. Big meetings usually bore me to tears and after 30min, I politely excuse myself and either stand in the back to daydream or just leave. As far as talking to people, at work I try to keep it to a minimum. At social situations, such as parties, church functions, or family get togethers, I pick an out of the way table and plant myself there. I let my wife do the talking and make polite listening sounds and nod my head. Most people think I am stupid, so this works very well for me. The ones I can’t fool are people who have known me for a while. I *NEVER* volunteer for *ANYTHING*. That way I don’t let anyone down.

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[nellie]

jlmccarthy

Well as long as you’re not the PTA secretary probably no big deal

Maybe next time admit to zoning out for a moment I hope for your sake they chose you because your talents made you the ideal candidate not because it’s a miserable assignment. My problem is I often end up agreeing to huge projects on the spur of the moment as a result of my enthusiasm and underestimation of the time required.

The fact that you’re good at delegating and planning is a good thing if you are the head of the committee/project. If you start your first meeting off assigning tasks to those most suited to them and you retaining control over the tasks you are good at then you’re project will probably be well executed. Here is an opportunity for a strength based collaboration.The key is people get the jobs that enthuse them, something most of us with ADD are all to familiar with .

However, there’s delegating and then there’s ‘s shirking responsibility. I have worked with people who “delegate” because they’re lazy and don’t want to do anything and burn everyone else out as a result. And I’ve worked with others who play helpless and suck people into helping them and then say they delegated the task. Both types are incredibly annoying.

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[Anonymous]

Hi JMc………. thought it was interesting post. Seems many people with brains that function as ours do… have social issues….. I do not. Not blowing my horn that’s just a fact. I thought maybe rather than commiserating on the issues…… it might be an good alternative to speak from the position of one for whom social contact works just fine.

So having said that…… I notice that a lot of people on this site have issues of over talking, butting in, veering off the topic… monopolizing…… (list not exhaustive) so here are a few thoughts. Managing social situations can be done by anybody, anybody!!! Listening, conversation and being congenial is a social art form….a skill……practice will make it easier. It does take a little bit before it is not a mechanical process, but, so does anything when we first start to try it!!! Riding a bike or playing a piano….all learned skills.

Here are a few simple criteria I use for social conversation…… I have used them everywhere from the Executive Board Room, conferences where I know no one……to a Bar…….house party where I don’t really know anyone………wherever, they work.

1. Smile ( it indicates a degree of openness)….don’t speak, wait…….saying a perfunctory…..”hi there”….”how you doing”, things of that nature like greetings are fine….. but stop there……..STOP!! Mind peoples comfort zone too…..

2. Listen to the conversation thats in progress, catch what it is about….. ( listening is a skill that can be developed further and further). It doesn’t matter if it’s a boring conversation listen, it’s all good practice!!! Just listen….

3. At some point one can make a simple statement…… “that’s cool”……..”really”……. or simply hmmm….. that kind of thing, but stop there!!! Those little things tell people your engaged.

4. A little further along you can ask a simple question……… “how long have you been doing that”…. “when did you first get interested in that”… that encourages a speaker to continue….then stop. You have shown interest.

5. Avoid talking about yourself at all costs…….. asking just a couple of those simple questions encourage others to talk about themselves and by listening actively with those little comments folks are put at ease and will talk to you all night.

6. Once you get comfy you can repeat bits of what they say back to them in your words….it affirms your listening and interest….but keep it short though. Wow you job 5 miles a day…my god…….. or wow where do find the time for that, (whatever it is).

This is not being phony…….. it is the skill of being in a conversation without monopolizing it…. or butting in… etc.etc. ….

People will not find you pushy, boring, or aggressive. It’s funny but placed in any social situation no matter what conversation is you can hold your own without feeling out of place, just with these few simply guidelines. Getting into debates and pushing a point…..in almost any situation won’t get you very far. A social environment is not likely the best battlefield anyway. people like to talk about themselves they are comfy with that… it’s something familiar.

Funny but the more one practices listening, really listening…ACTIVE LISTENING….the more the attention span grows.

Anyway there’s two bit from me……. take it use it, or, leave it on the floor…. ????

toofat

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[laddybug3]

Sounds like me. I had a friend take me to the counseling center, because I was not spending enough time together. I thought since I was eating with her at lunch, seen movies, and was in a club that was social enough for her and me. It drove her nuts when I was looking at the clock and freaking out, because we were planning on going to the movies.

Then there was times when people nominate me as president of different clubs. Even if I voted against myself, I somehow ended up as president. Then I felt I had to do my work.

Drove my friends crazy when we went to the clubs and bars. I was fine for an hour, but after that hour it had a problem with. The music too loud, too dark, too many strobe lights, too many people, and too late. One time I got a bad headache.

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[Author]

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