Sticking to your guns versus hyperfocusing

[Anonymous]

I experienced a situation at work last week that made me wonder, am I being persistent or am I hyperfocusing?

I feel very strongly that I was being persistent, and my coworker intentionally goaded me into an argument…then prolonged said argument for three days just because he likes to debate. As the older, more qualified, more experienced staff member, I feel stupid for being sucked into this.

Upon reflection, I realize that office culture is such that this particular coworker has rarely, if ever, been reprimanded for arguing with more qualified, more experienced personnel who disagree with him. I also know how many times during the “discussion” that I:

-said “let me think about the changes you propose and get back to you later,”

-said “I haven’t had time to think about it yet,”

-said “what we’re doing works well; there is no need to change it,”

-said “the way you want to do this will not work; if you must have it done that way, you do it and I will do something else,”

-caught him red handed in several attempts to circumvent me and push through his suggestion as though we’d both agreed to it,

-verbally made it clear that I was angry when he continued to argue the point,

-verbally made it clear that I wished to end the discussion, and

-attempted to walk away and go work on other tasks.

Twice, I searched for a supervisor to intervene and they were all out of the office. At one point I flat-out said “my God, let it go.”

This situation caused me so much stress that my counselor supported my decision to use sick leave for the remainder of this week and recover from stress related symptoms.

I *think* if I was the one who was hyperfocusing, I would have been the one who couldn’t walk away and couldn’t let it go. I don’t think it’s hyperfocusing just because I wouldn’t give in to a twerp and called him on his nonsense.

MissMuffins

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[kc5jck]

I generally handle such situations by doing what it takes to get them to shut up and go away. So I might listen intently . . . no I mean appear to listen intently to what they have to say, nodding my head occasionally, then saying something like “Oh, you always have such good ideas!” while thinking . . . this is definitely one of your usual lame ones, go off and do it, just don’t involve me. Then I go off and do my job my way in the way I think it ought to be done, not caring in the least if the other person agrees with me or not. Life’s too short to suffer fools and their stupid ideas.

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[Scattybird]

Are you his line manager or just more qualified – I mean does he have any right to change said procedure? It makes a difference how you handle him. It sounds to me like he’s either an idiot or very calculating.

It would be better to thank him and then ask him to detail his suggestions in an email so you can consider them fully. You can then respond after thought and close the matter. Copy it to your line manager if you want back up. Then if he wants to discuss it verbally just say the matter is closed. Copying your reasoned response to your line manager means he (the pest) can’t then sneak anything in under the wire.

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