Survival in an ADD relationship…

[Wgreen]

Sobering stats. And that’s why some of us have a hard time calling AD(H)D a gift.

Still, I find it hard to believe that at some point in their academic careers, 46% of AD(H)D kids are expelled from school. Suspended for a day or two MAYBE, but expelled?? That is brutal. If this research was done in 1990, the study surely would have excluded many ADD kids, because most parents at that point were not seeking diagnoses. Few people even knew what AD(H)D is. That would mean perhaps that only the SEVERE cases would have shown up on the radar to be counted. And that would have skewed the numbers.

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[kc5jck]

To bring the thread back on track, which may be something new for me, the title is “survival in an ADD relationship.”

Earlier in the thread, there were posts by wives of ADD husbands who had issues with the husband’s behavior. To such wives I direct these comments and would say that I find that my wife, because she does not understand the ADHD brain and is unwilling to learn about the behaviors of the ADHD individual, will interpret some of my behaviours as intentionally disrespectful, hateful, or otherwise . . . “unhusband like.” (I’m having trouble finding words here.) The point is, wives, (or husbands) you need to educate yourself about ADHD so that you can place such behaviors in proper perspective and not take offence.

If you think of a child learning to drink from a cup, you expect them to make a mess occasionally. You don’t blame the child for a mess. As the child matures, you expect them not to make a mess. ADHD can be like a child that never quite gets the cup thing down. Things that people normally outgrow or learn to do, like remember where they put their keys, why they entered the room, or the third, fourth, and fifth thing you just told them just aren’t there for us. Sometimes we don’t see the elephant in the room. And other times, when you’re talking we can’t think of anything BUT whatever random thought or visual stimulus is flying by us at the moment.

This may just be my opinion, but I believe that understanding of ADHD, what it is, and how it affects the sufferer and the family, is the most important part of survival in an ADD relationship. ADHD meds are not a cure. Survival, while it may include meds, must consist, among other things, of the sufferer being able to establish a routine and develop coping skills AND a knowledgable family able to support the sufferer in learning such a routine and skills.

Routine, skills, and education will allow the sufferer to survive and be understood, but not cured. Unfortunately, despite the best efforts of all involved, some of the most irritating traits of the sufferer will never be eliminated. Hopefully with understanding, they will come to be accepted, or at least tolerated. And keep in mind that these traits may be more aggrevating to the sufferer than to anyone.

To sum up, learn about ADHD and really . . . we’re not trying to piss you off.

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