The agony of constantly losing things

[jh531]

My boyfriend has ADD. We live together in a 1 bedroom apartment. One of his top “side effects” of having ADD is he is constantly losing things. Not small items, like a cup, but kindles, cuff links, sentimental gifts. We’ve recently started to rid our apartment of clutter, to help the focus stay off of clutter and on to more important things…help the mind stay more focused. The problem is, even with our apartment decluttered and fairly spacious now, he is still losing things and he gets into fits of rage over this. He feels that nothing he is doing is helping…even with all the decluttering. He goes to a dark place when he loses something, throwing things out of frustration and harming himself at times because he says he can’t live like this. It is so hard to watch and I know nothing I do or say will help. I’m looking for any sort of help to understand or cope better with this or things I could possibly say or do to help him. I know this will happen again.

Thank you.

REPORT ABUSE

[rabbitpossm]

I can totally empathize.  I lose things constantly and every time it results in the worst feeling that always turns into self blame.  Something that’s helped me prevent losing small, more often used things is having a “launchpad” of sorts.  I have a small bin that stays on my dresser (alternatively kitchen table/counter, table near a front hall)  It took me a while but if you’re able to get into the habit of tossing things in there it really helps.  It doesn’t even need to be for specific things or stay organized, the idea is to just have something you can toss all the small things when you first come in, like keys, headphones, or whatever you happen to have and if you can’t find it you know there’s a pretty good chance it’s in that bin.  Even if you have to go looking through it it’s better then being lost in a messy room!

Depending on how you want to do it you can either have one for daily used things, like keys, headphones, buss pass, wallet, and a second one to just throw whatever random things you accumulate in the week and then they’re gathered until you’re able to sort them.  I find this one helps to prevent losing things like important papers and just helping keep up with clutter.

For specific items bright, noticeable colours are helpful.  I never lose my laptop case since I got a bright blue one.  It helps you see it in the first place as well as notice it if you ever see it around.

Anyways, strategies (for me at least) always depend on what thing I’m always losing.  I try to find patterns in what I lose/when/how and then adjust for that.  I attempt to use this to stop the awful feelings, sort of to try and force myself to be proactive rather than submit to the initial reaction.It can be a huge struggle though, especially at first, considering the biggest factor is organization/staying on top of things and that is definitely not one of adhd’s strong suits.  To be honest it’s probably taken me years to actually be able to use these strategies (mostly because I tended to ignore them) but it’s so worth the hard work/struggle to get to that point!  I hope some of these strategies can hep the both of you!

 

REPORT ABUSE

[g.laiya]

some good ideas from pp. one thing that has helped me is keeping my keys on a designated key hook by the front door. not perfect – still managed to lock myself out of the apartment three times in the last year – but, i didn’t lose my keys once 🙂
i also remember seeing something advertised at (i think) sharper image, tracker sets to put on valuable/important items that tend to get lost/ misplaced that you can then search for using a remote locator. and i’m pretty sure that all the newer mobile phones are capable of being tracked, though it may be a service you need to pay for.
but the idea of a small basket for all the daily use small things to go in – great idea.
also had it suggested to me(since our home is in perpetual chaos/clutter, and i was complaining that on those rare occasions i muster the focus and energy and time to do a major cleaning and organizing effort, it’s really upsetting to see it come apart within hours of the kids coming home) that i keep a basket that all toys go into at the end of the night, that the kids can sort through later, as damage control/maintenance. you could probably use something like this for similar reasons 🙂

REPORT ABUSE

[Author]

Posts