This is going to take more than super glue…

[Anonymous]

2009 took everything I had, it really did. My first semester I had a full course load of third year courses condensed into nine weeks so that to make room for my student teaching. The stress involved there, with the 45 minute long presentations and the 65 page term papers (I wish I was hyperbolizing on the paper) is enough to drive anyone mad, even without the ADHD. Through into that mix two best friends who live together and one is dangerously depressed and the other has anorexia and living off watered down fruit juice. Oh, and let’s not forget during finals my brother I lived with got kicked out of high school for breaking someone’s arm and drug possession. My brother and father would get in fist fights over missing cigarettes, you can imagine the environment dropping this bomb created. I stayed with my boyfriend during my practicum. I never went home.

I’d quit my job prior to the above semester because I do have SOME sense but while they promised to hold my position for summer, they did not hold true to that promise. I did manage to find another job rather quickly, but it didn’t pay very well and it was in a rather stressful environment. I had just changed my minor so I needed to fill in the new gaps in my transcript so I took a couple of courses during spring semester. I only took one at a time but it was still for three hours every evening after working all day. As soon as my spring courses were over half way through June I took a second job because it was the only way to pay for tuition for this year. I spent all summer working from 7:30am to 9:30pm and not getting home until close to eleven because I bus.

I continued working both jobs in the fall while taking four courses, and volunteered with some of the student associations on occasion during the second semester. It was November 2009 when I finally got the diagnosis I always had but thought I didn’t need. I could have told you I had ADHD when I was ten if you’d listened. I got some supports from the University for exams and finally started on medication. I haven’t been responding as well as I’d hoped but I think that might be from the sheer level of burn out I’d reached by that point.

This semester has been an absolute disaster. I started with nothing in the tank and it’s only gotten worse from there. I lightened my load significantly. I took only three courses, I quit one of my jobs and only worked one volunteer position which mostly consisted of chatting with fellow education students and no cognitive effort whatsoever. Even so, I think I handed in three assignments on time all semester and only because they were group work and I didn’t do all of it alone. I handed in one of my unit plans three weeks late! I handed in other assignments at least 4 days late, sometimes up to two weeks. It’s ten o’clock at night two days before my last final exam and I’m typing this and watching veggie tales clips on youtube. It’s pathetic. I still have to write the study guide for this exam I should have have been studying for already because I have to hand it in for a quarter of my mark on Wednesday morning. Did I mention I work tomorrow? I have to tell the kids at the out of school care I work at that this is my last week there. That is going to go over well. I’m going to be up to my ears in sobbing six year olds. Yay.

Honestly, if I can manage to limp past the finish line I have a great summer lined up. I have a job working with older kids, with a boss that is very supportive to my needs and a much higher wage, like 45% higher. It’s the only job I’ll need and I won’t have to take a second job and I have no courses during spring or summer term. I’m reducing my course load for my final semester by breaking it in half and doing it over the full year next year. But I’m so burnt out that I’m nothing but ash and if I don’t find some way to put myself together again I’ll have a reprise of this year, fewer obligations but still failing worse than ever. I’m hoping to pass my courses this semester when throughout my entire post secondary education I winced at anything lower than an A-.

You know, I don’t even know what I’m asking for here. Maybe a way out, maybe just the internet version of a hug. I don’t know any more. I give up for today. I’ll try again tomorrow.

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[Patte Rosebank]

Ah, the long dark night of the university student, frantically trying to meet a deadline… I remember it well.

Try chocolate. Good quality chocolate, like Lindor or Godiva. It really does help. I’ve also found that an hour or so spent watching old comedy films, especially ones that are more physical than verbal, is a fabulous escape. Just don’t let it last so long that it keeps you from eventually getting back to your studies or work.

If you haven’t already done so, let your prof know that you won’t be able to make the deadline. And be sure to advise him/her that you have ADHD, which really makes it difficult for you to function. And go and talk with Student Services and/or your faculty, about getting more help with it.

You’re making a wise decision to reduce and stretch out your course load for next year. Just remember that it’s a classic ADHD trait to take on too much, in the heat of enthusiasm. And to not ask for help, even though it’s clear to others that we need it.

(hugs & chocolate)

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[Anonymous]

I think I will be able to hand it in tomorrow, just not with my exam like I am supposed to. Thankfully, I get time and a half for my exams through student services so I won’t be handing it in to her directly anyway. There will probably be a box in the Educational Psychology office or something to drop it in, like last time.

This prof is relatively sympathetic because she knows I have ADHD and I made that clear from day one. Most of the profs I have are pretty good about everything, one of the bonuses of being a special needs minor in the education faculty. The real worry was that I handed in my other assignment for this class late as well, so I feel as though I am abusing her good will. Yay guilty feelings!

Heh, I got a bit of a giggle when I realized we were giving hugs to each other in separate threads simultaneously. It’s sweet really. <3

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[Anonymous]

I’d like to comend you on your strength and perseverance; that’s a ton to take on for anyone, factor in ADD, and all the frustrations the disorder entails, and it’s really quite inspiring!

I dropped out of university after 5 years because I couldn’t cope with the stress or the additional demands facing a person with ADD (further complicated by an anxiety disorder.) I often feel really disheartened when I think about my future, the careers I’m interested in all require further schooling, but the way the post-secondary education system is structured plays to the weaknesses of ADDers. It’s encouraging to hear that, despite how much stress and unhappiness you’ve had to endure this past school year, you’ve stuck with it and are still committed to your goals.

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[Anonymous]

One of the things that has helped is that the University is a lot more supportive than I would have thought, at least the one that I go to. Yes, University is structured in a way that is almost set up to make you fail, but there are supports. I’m doing a Bachelor of Education with a Special Needs minor. That kind of program tends to gather very sympathetic teachers – most of the time. I stress the most there as I had an absolute disaster in one of my classes; the prof literally hated me. It was a disaster. Ah, digressing.

The University I go to has a branch called Specialized Support and Disability Services. They are great at giving you things like extra time on exams in either small rooms or in isolation, and I have flexibility on assignments in some classes. I had to take an Art Curriculum course this term and I handed things in things days late with no penalty because of my accommodations. I got additional assessments for learning disabilities this year and I also now get a note taker or I can audio-record my classes, which ever I choose. I think I’m going to go with the audio-recording, I’m highly auditory anyway. Point is, awesome accommodations and the staff are really supportive. These are things to keep in mind if you ever do decide to go back to school, there are people who’s job it is to help you.

I do feel a lot better already now that my courses are all done! I have everything in to my profs in terms of exams and assignments. I feel the need to brag here for a moment. I WROTE A SIXTY THREE PAGE ASSIGNMENT IN TWO DAYS! WHILE WORKING A SPLIT SHIFT! AND I HAVE A COLD! I have to admit, I feel rather smug. It wasn’t even total bullshit, it was only kind of bullshit.

What I am looking at now is how I can get myself back together before school next year. I am taking things slow next year in terms of school, I am only enrolled in two courses per semester. They are 400 level courses but still. I could take only one course in my first semester but I don’t think I could handle taking things down that many notches. Besides, I think that taking the counselling course would be a great addition to my CV. I’m tailoring my degree towards kids with ADHD as well as Emotional and Behavioural disorders.

I am thinking of enrolling in a yoga class. I’m also thinking of making a box garden on my balcony. Any tips on that guys? I also want to actually consciously put together an actual organization system instead of this haphazard mess I have for a life right now. I think where a lot of the struggles I have had come from my inability to recognize that I am not superwoman. I’ve always heard “Oh, you’re so strong,” when I talk about things but I am trying to learn that I don’t have to be. I’m done being an octopus, I want to be a dolphin!

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