The Forums › Forums › What is it? › "He can focus when he wants to" › Typical Remarks
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September 5, 2012 at 10:43 pm #90998
Today while my grandma was over helping me with my long time enemy, LAUNDRY, she made lots of comments about my disorganization saying the typical “You can do it if you really want to! I know you! Your smart! Your just not trying! How can you be so forgetful? Thats not normal at your age! Whats going on?” Normally this would hurt my feelings and make me feel inadequate. I now know that its just apart of the ADD and I am learning, it just takes me a little bit longer to learn the techniques. I giggle at comments like that because they validate the ADD when at times I doubt I have it. Yes I show all the classic signs but I guess the diagnosis was just so easy. Walk in (after months of being on the waiting list to see a psychiatrist!), answer a bunch of questions and BAM “yes, you have ADD”. No blood tests, brain scans (do those even exist for ADD?). But I guess its true.
My grandmother, I believe, is the source of the ADD! She is highly distracted by things (I HATE going to a store with her!) and today misplaced everything in a moment like her grocery list. I (being a brat) said “I cant believe you lost it so fast! What’s going on with you? Your so forgetful! See your no better than I am! Do you need to go to a home so soon??” and laugh (sounds like im being mean but my family is very sarcastic, french, blunt, french, hyper and french. I blame everything on my French blood!). We joke that the two of us together we may have a chance at remembering things… no success so far!
REPORT ABUSESeptember 5, 2012 at 11:35 pm #115987Sometimes, it just needs to be said!! AND if it feels a little GOOD. then great for you. no harm done.
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REPORT ABUSESeptember 5, 2012 at 11:38 pm #115988It’s good Grandma can validate your diagnosis with her comments and observations. If not ADD, then what? 😯
REPORT ABUSESeptember 11, 2012 at 8:29 pm #115989Yesterday my grandmother was over again…. I had just finished two, 12 hour night shifts (they were super busy on top of that) with little sleep… Maybe 6 hours in 2 days. She once again was going off about how I always forget and lose things. I did not remain so calm this time. It wasn’t hurtful but highly irritating. I said “Grandma, now IS NOT the time! I REALLY don’t have the patience to tolerate you right now! Now PLEASE! Leave me be!” With out medication and being incredibly tired she is a brain OVERLOAD! Too much going on at once! GOSH! I NEED A NEW SITTER!
REPORT ABUSESeptember 11, 2012 at 10:24 pm #115990My dad used to say some of the most thoughtfully hurtful things to me, both when I was a child and as an adult. As a child he used to regale me with all of the usual “…if only you would just apply yourself”, “… you can do anything, if you would only put your mind to it”, which is in stark difference to “You can accomplish anything, when you put your mind to it”. Neither of which ever felt good to me, when I was growing up. He used to send me to my room and punish me in other ways, all for being what I now know is ADD. I remember once when I finished a math homework paper and showed it to him. I was so proud, because I could answer all the problems and I did it in a couple hours, which was quick for me. It wasn’t neat enough for him and he tore it up and sent me back to do it over.
Before my dad died last year, I got to talk to him about my ADD. His comment: “So you are crazy, not stupid?”
My mother is better, she has been reading a lot about ADD and has apologized to me so many times I can’t count. “You Mean I’m Not Lazy, Crazy, or Stupid?” was a difficult one for her, because of all of the short chapters, she was calling me several times a day.. at work, at home, saying “I never knew! I am so sorry, son”
Moral of the story: Parents are difficult to raise in today’s world. You have to teach them early, before it’s too late. With a positive attitude, persistence, and a little patience, they can be taught. I am sure grandparents are tougher, but they don’t have as many distractions.
REPORT ABUSESeptember 22, 2012 at 1:12 pm #115991Shutterbug – My dad would always say that too! “You always do things half heartedly! You need to put more effort in!” In fact he still says it. Just yesterday he did… I was raking the lawn and he took the rake away and made the usual comment. Luckily he is as impatient as I and did the job for me. hahahahaha It doesnt hurt me anymore. In fact I made a joke about it and we laughed. Luckily he has matured with age. Well he’s still young, but its still nice to see! Good to hear about your mother. My dad couldnt pay attention long enough to understand the ADD and loving it… hahahaha Mom on the other hand finally understood and was no longer hurt by my dad and I tuning out during conversation and not “listening”, or being impulsive and impatient. It really helped her.
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