Vent on planning and Lateness

[laddybug3]

Yesterday, I was so upset. Everyone was late. I was there on time (five minutes before the group starts). My mom was with me and she could not understand why I was throwing a hissy fit. Explaining that when I was late before everyone yelled at me. So, I mentally tell myself to get ready a half an hour. Now the whole group is late and that is okay. It is not fair! Fine, I am going to be late for everything now. See how you like that! I probably get scolded and told to go talk about my doctor. Still Everyone was late. Even the person who had the keys to the place. He was a minute late. A person was five minutes late. Then the group came in about fifth-teen minutes later. It is a social group.

I was planning on going to this group today at noon. It got canceled. They called me at well, late in the night. Close to my when I go to bed. It bothered me so much that I could not go to sleep. It was memories of me getting into trouble when planning had failed. So I went up and crossed that off my planner. Then I looked at it and started crying. Could not stop crying. I am crying right now. Worse is the thoughts about how to control what is going on right now. Yet, I do not want to. I want the plan to work and it is not going to work because it canceled.

By the way, getting this emotional about planning happens all the time. It is small and in the long run does not matter. I know that in my heart, but my mind is just so fast. That I want to fix it, but I can’t. Is it bad that I want to not do what I was taught to do when I am like this? I know I should just do something else like take a walk, listen to music, or do a hobby. Yet, I do not want to. I want to hold on to this feeling and let it destroy my whole day. That is what going to happen. It has almost cast the morning.

I am just upset that it is okay for a group of people to do this together. When I do it is because of my ADD. Then what happens. I go back to the ways of controlling what I feel.

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[Anonymous]

Wow, that sounds so much like me, especially the part of being unable to stop the emotions from running away and ruining everything.

I was in the middle of making my lunch when I got an email from my boss insisting that I join a meeting in progress right now! No planning, no being able to prepare, not even knowing what it’s about. But since it’s my 4th day on the job, I don’t want to risk not attending (it’s a teleconference and I work from home).

So instead of being able to gain anything from the meeting, I’m fuming about the audacity of the ambush method of calling the meeting, whether or not the batteries on my phone are going to run down, what’s going to happen when the presenter is finished, and why on Earth is it acceptable to throw me into a meeting where the presenter is dropping so many f-bombs and I can’t say anything about it.

I’m considering talking to my supervisor about it. I don’t think it’s the best use of my time.

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[Rick Green – Founder of TotallyADD]

I have found that my emotions run away from me when I’m feeling defensive. Especially when I’m called on something. And I get, that when someone else does the same thing, it’s doubly upsetting.

Problem is me getting upset just costs me my power, my calm, my energy.

And yes, like you, it’s cost me my sleep.

If something is really bothering me I either talk it over with my wife. Venting. Or I write it out. Or, if I’m able, and this takes practice, I say, “I will worry about this tomorrow.” and then I deliberately keep bringing my thoughts back to something I like. Or read a book I like to pull my attention onto something good.

It’s been a painfully slow process for me to realize that people are gonna do annoying things. They always are. It’s never gonna stop. Ever. That’s life.

And it’s only annoying because I think it should be some other way. “All unhappiness is due to unfulfilled expectation.”

But I expect people to be on time. Or want to hear my good ideas. Or give me credit for my work. Or help me. Or support this wonderful website… etc. etc. etc.

A book I recommend: “Loving What Is” by Byron Katie.

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[Robbo]

I was late to the appointment before the appointment that may have led to the appointment to see the doctor who will help me.

I’m in ADHD hell. All my hope is lost. I want to un find out everything I’ve learned here. Maybe ignorance was bliss. Maybe I was better off believing I just needed more discipline… what went wrong? Oh I know. I had hope… that was my mistake.

looked to close into the mirror… found hell.

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[Anonymous]

We are not all cookie cutter people…..we have some things in common like anybody else on this spinning ball. How we respond emotionally and physically is key….like anybody else. I believe, understanding ADD or an ADD diagnosis is a clue or a cue…..to awareness and management….not an excuse. I’m going to catch hell for that one…..

Toofat

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[Saffron]

NO Robbo, hang in there, all right? You will make the transition to a time when everything will improve. This is the hard part after finding out—the purgatory. So many of us have felt your frustration and sense of being lost and in between while seeking diagnosis and treatment, so you are in good company. We care about you; stick around and we’ll try to help.

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[Anonymous]

Ah TooFat your insites are great, always nice to read lol food for thought… for adders would be protien ?

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[Robbo]

Thanks Saffron,

I’ll be back around, I’ve found some clearer info to help me understand the complexity of this can of worms we have. It’s much less simple than I had hoped.

I’ve been listening to this guy a lot, It’s better use of my time than writing endlessly about the problem. The solution is to slow down and be grateful I’m not as screwed up as I used to be. I’m feeling better than I did last week. Being late makes me want to scream like that picture of your cat. That’s a perfect picture of how I feel when I’m put off again by this health care disaster.

Russell Barkley

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rcwp9T3zNcM&feature=related

Yep, plenty of protein along with my medication, what I eat is a huge part of the solution. It’s much easier to mix some protein powder in with my morning coffee and milk. I’m not even taking the 5mgs of ritalin (methylfenidate) any more. Much less than the right dosage only makes the symptoms seem worse a couple hours after I take it. Writing that prescription for me was like a dang slap in the face. A sick SICK joke. Our health care workers are expected to do way beyond what any superhuman person can hope to accomplish.

Nope, I won’t give up. That could be the most valuable thing ADD n related disorders have forced me to learn. Not giving up pays huge.

I ain’t no dang termite!

Peace.

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[Robbo]

<<>I believe, understanding ADD or an ADD diagnosis is a clue or a cue…..to awareness and management….not an excuse. I’m going to catch hell for that one….. >><

Heck man, I’d say you make perfectly good sense. One of the things I like the most about this place is the heaping helpings of respect, allowance of dignity, and people are just cool. I’ve never seen flames here, I’ve been involved in less than half a dozen BBS sites, some were awful (didn’t they used to call em bulletin board systems?) here that would stand for Big Brain Site. It takes a lot of good common sense to be polite and respect people.

Dang, I forgot what I was going to write. ***thinking, waiting…pondering***

Oh yeah! I wanted to talk about the solution to my memory problems. I’ve been fighting that battle much longer, like all my dang life for crying out loud. FCOL, for pouting endlessly by myself in seclusion… for… umm you get the picture huh? Forgetfulness has been the source of my parents’, friends’, and my misery for as long as I don’t want to remember. I’d like to forget about a lot of the result of my forgetfulness. That’s a mean kind of irony. Neuroplasticity is a big part of the solution in my case.

Neuroplasticity has been one of the greatest discoveries I can think of, and there is solid proof that it does exist. I’ve always been very fascinated with all science. Philosophy etc. Here’s one of the baby steps I’ve taken in that direction. I don’t want to give up the creative spelling. So feel free to write me up all ya like spelling police But when spell check underlines my writing, instead of just clicking on the correct guess, or correctest, lol. fun word huh? I re-write the word, guess first without looking at spell checks guess, or if I can’t get it, I still re-type it. That’s making me remember the difference between the spelling of awful, and awesome for example.

One time I was meandering down a page with my endless blather. I was brand new here, I complained about how some spell checks tell me aweful comes with an e, some don’t. When I realized the mistake, it was too late to edit that post. The point? almost there!…

Hope, it’s not lost, and I promise to keep a strong grip on it from here on out. I have the image of me holding on to the thick rope on a bull just before they open the gate at a rodeo. What a wild ride this has been and will be.

Giving up is just not to be found anywhere in my DNA. Another one of those “holding on and letting go” psychological issues I’ve had compliments of the way my dad potty trained me. I love the crusty old tough guy. My dad had honor. He showed us how to treat a lady by example. So ya won’t hear me blaming him or anyone or thing else for this. It just is. Eventually I’ll find out the whole truth/Diagnosis, and what it is that I need to work on the most.

How doe you guys like my new picture? hehe. I kept running out of batteries the day I was trying to get a good picture of that horse, each time I got ready to take a picture the horse turned around, a bunch of times!. Like the horse was messing with me. Rechargeable batteries run out quick.

oops, long post again… ugg

ARF!… Ruff!

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