Vent time!

[Carrie]

Today isnt the first day this has happened! (warning, yet again a long post sorry)

I have a hard time with comprehension. Heres a really lame example…

Someone can tell me: blue + red = purple.

I would say “I dont get it. That doesnt make any sense I need an example”

other person would say “If you mix blue paint with red paint you will get purple paint”

me: “oooh I get it now… But how much blue? How much red? What if you mix this amount here? Or this amount there? and what if you want to reverse the coulor?”

And I get myself all confused when its a very simple concept. Really, its THAT bad at times! Just 3 years ago I saw a tag that said “made in China” and I finally understood that it REALLY was MADE there and then SHIPPED here! Sad…

2 days ago a lady called from the SPCA. Heres how it went:

Lady: Hi im from the SPCA, you donated some money to us last year, did you receive your letter that you can claim on your taxes?

Me: uh… No? I dont know? I dont remember… Who are you? When did you send it?

Lady: Im from the SPCA, you donated money to us last year in March. $80. We have sent your letter so you can claim it.

Me: Umm… Sorry. I dont know. I dont think so. What do you mean my taxes? Is it important? SHOULD I have it?

Lady: *laughs* well, yes if you want some money back…

Me: Ok then… uh… Sorry, I still dont understand what your talking about… I dont remember donating.

Lady: Well you did, here at this time blah blah blah.

Me: Right! Right! I remember.. sorry.. im really sorry. So what now? You sent me a letter for my taxes? I dont get it.

Lady: *laughs* uh thats ok… We have sent you a letter so you can claim your donations on your taxes.

Me: Oh right right (still unsure what shes talking about)… Yeah just send me another one. Really sorry, im having a hard time remembering and understanding you. (I was stumbling a lot while saying this and couldnt put my thoughts together)

Lady: *laughs kinda unsure* Thats ok… Are you alright?? I hope I didnt wake you up!

Thats how much of an idiot I sounded like, and really felt like. I couldnt comprehend anything she was saying when she couldnt of made it any simpler! I feel this way with a lot of things! I can NEVER connect the dots. With other things im 10 steps ahead everyone. I felt like such an idiot.

Then today, a co-worker asked me a simple question which only needed a simple answer and I rambled and rambled and rambled and knew I was doing, saw that I was talking about the wrong thing, and yet I still continued… feeling like an idiot, and still completely missed what she asked me. UGH!

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[Anonymous]

Well today I saw the “ADD and loving it” show on PBS and join TotallyADD.com. I cried that there is someone that can finally help me, help myself. THANK YOU!!!!!!! But when I tried to tell my husband he blew it off like it was an excuse, He has no sympathy!! I understand him and why he’s the way he is but it still hurts that he wants nothing to do with my ADHD or try to understand it. He is wonderful though, he loves me for me, and he has a really good sense of humor.

When I tried to talk to my family (mom, dad, and sisters) they still insist on telling me what is best for me and that just confuses me more.(and of course pisses me off). I LOVE LOVE LOVE being an “at home mom” and I have to say its one of the first successes that I am proud of and is always an on going “work in progress”. But I suck as a homemaker, my house is always messy and cluttered, and my children see this and may thing that this is normal. I can’t afforded a maid. And this also makes me a bad wife. I’m home all day, but the house isn’t clean?(I’m hoping that I can found help.) Well back to the point my sister and mom (and husband) insist that I need a career and I don’t understand why I can’t be a successful house wife. I love the people my children are turning out to be so far and being the person that had something to do with that!!!

Thanks for listening

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[Anonymous]

Carrie, I know this is a bit cliche, but I understand what you are saying. I am not a dumb person, but I feel dumb all the time. I can straight A’s in classes, and at work, people are always amazed at how much I know. My husband tells me all the time how smart I am, but how come, so many times, I feel so stupid…like I can put two and two together on such simple concepts. I really drives me insane. A couple of minutes ago, my husband and I were arguing about ISBN numbers. I was reading a post to him from a topic on this site, and the person had mentioned ISBN. I pronounced it out by letters – I-S-B-N, he says to me: “It’s pronounced IS-BIN…you don’t know much about books do you?” I get defensive and say, “oh, I know what that is, the number on the code for the books…but why would I really know that really, how important is it really?” So then we argue about the importance of knowing these numbers…it is really a stupid argument, but I could not let it go, mostly trying to redeem myself for feeling so stupid!

Oh, and the rambling on about things I do know about, I do all the time…then I feel like an ass after rambling on and on, because I am afraid I sound like some kind of know-it-all…and the person who asked the simple question with a simple answer is looking at me like I am an ass! Why do I have to go on and on and on…I mean well and enjoy sharing information, but I get so excited about one topic, I could on forever, and then, of course, go off on some insane tangent, constantly repeating myself, only to get to the point that I have completely forgotten what was even being discussed in the first place and have know idea where I was going with my tangent…SO frustrating.

I guess it’s the ADD, but I mostly just feel dumb and crazy.

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[Carrie]

Kbtordai1170- Exactly! Exactly!

Emt – I KNOW exactly how you feel too! Some of my family brushed it off too and it really hurt. But as I learned here, do it for myself. When I start changing… Maybe they will notice and then believe me. If not… At least you are becoming who you want to be and have the potential to be! I was a stay at home mom, but my house was upside down! Really bad! I felt like a horrible wife. I wished I was like my grandma who always had all the laundry done, house perfect, and always had a hot meal ready to eat! Plus take pride in her looks. Shes 65 and looks 45! Small steps! I was referred to http://www.flylady.org/pages/begin_babysteps.asp this website! It helped A LOT! Once you have meds too, you can keep your focus on it and get the motivation. I found before meds it felt next to impossible to get myself to do ANYTHING. I felt like I had to drag a 1000kg weight. Thats how bad my lack of motivation was. Once I had meds, I could force myself and I like to play games with myself. For example.. “Ok husbands gone to the store… I bet I can get the dishwasher unloaded by then! GO!” and I would race! I love to play fun little games like that with myself. To get my kids into the fun we would race each other. “I bet I can get the dishes done before your room is clean!” Mind you.. they are still young (4 & 5) so that works! haha You need a set routine which with ADD is hard to do on your own without meds and a coach, or tactics (I search online). With them you will be able to!

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[nellie]

kbtordai1170

LOL, you are right about the pronunciation of ISBN – it is the letters. You had me wondering there for a moment so just had my daughter check on howjsay.com

Carrie,

I have absolutely no medical credentials so please pardon my armchair observation: but have you ever heard of Central Auditory Processing Disorder? The way you describe your phone call and that this sort of thing happens often made me think of it. I never heard of it ’till recently when a neighbor of mine told me about his daughter’s diagnosis. It’s essentially a problem with processing auditory information despite good hearing ability. Apparently it is also a another one of those conditions that can be co-morbid with ADD.

Anyway, just thought I’d mention it…

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[Anonymous]

Yes!! Nellie great observation!!! Absolutelly!!!

Here is a link on CADDAC that discribes it: http://www.caddac.ca/cms/page.php?166

Very simple test can determine if you have that … and it would clear up alot of the confusion for you!

It looks a lot like ADD but it isn’t resolved by medication so it is something that will persist even if you are on an adequate dose.

Do you find it is harder for you to grasp concepts if there are presented orally or verbally that if they are presented visually?

Great call Nellie… Let us Know Carrie if you find this sound familiar…

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[Carrie]

Hmm.. Ive never heard of it before. A lot of that makes sense… I do have a hard time hearing in a lot of background noise, but Im almost positive I have hearing damage. I thought thats why I heard the wrong words. Everything else just seems like my ADD. I can hear the words being said, I just cant for some reason, comprehend what they mean.

I can understand concepts… They HAVE to be spoken, I have to SEE them written, and I NEED an example or I wont get it. I can read and not understand, or I can hear and not understand, but I have to be reading and hearing it at the same time for directions. ALL the time I need an example. ALWAYS! Well, reading isnt a good way to word that… I have to see it in my head. Reading the words helps because… oh wait… if I see the word I can understand… hmmm… interesting. They can say “the cat is black” (very simple example), I know what a cat is… I know what the colour black is… but to see the sentence “the cat is black” then I can follow while hearing it. Bleh!

Hmmm… I dont know! I wouldnt even know where to get tested for this. Small towns are not cool at times. I will get my hearing checked, I know for sure I MUST have some damage. Certain tones I have a really hard time with. Lower voices… like my brother. I swear he talks quiet just to bug me! But he says hes talking normal. If im facing away from someone I cant really hear them, or if theres a lot of background noise I cant hear very well. I figure hearing damage because since I was born, my dad squealed his electric guitar super loud… Listened to that my entire life, then I started playing instruments too and would always play loud. Im only 23, so that sucks if I have damage already.

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[Anonymous]

You need to see an audiologist for the test… I dont know where you’re from but ask your family doctor for a referal, maybe there is a major hospital that has an audiology departement that can give you the name of clinics… it’s really worth finding out because you don’t need to feel stupid!

You explain things quite clearly and you got the concept of the link I refered you too as well… It really has to do with mixing up backgroung noise with forground noise, filling away information you hear in the right place and then retreiving it it rapidly when it only presented verbally…

these questions you ask may be a compensation mechanism you have developed to give your self a delay of time to process the information and to request more hints in order to get the right information retrieval because its passing through the auditory system first…

For example… the is a a scale on an IQ test that if passed only verbally with no visual support and no example, someone with auditory processing disorder, althought he hears well and is very smart, has the hardest time… if I right it out here you have the visual support so it’s not the same… but when some one has a nomal score everywhere else but a very low score only on the scale that ONLY rely on verbal comprehension… that is a clue also!

If you are facing away from someone and can’t really hear them… lower tones are hard… maybe you do have hearing loss but maybe not… it still fits the picture! There are things that can be done for it you know!!

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[Carrie]

A lot I do fall into, but the ones I do relate more with ADD. The others that dont have anything to do with ADD, I dont have. I can pronounce words fine, except when my brain moves faster than my mouth! haha I have no problems distinguishing sounds, and I can sound out words like nothing. With my ADD meds I noticed I can now follow a conversation fully and I dont tune out anymore and I no longer have anxiety. Just I take things literally and have problems with yes, as you say concepts, well no not concepts (unless once again I dont really know what that means hahaha) but following directions and understanding things like definitions because I take them too literal. Both verbal and written. Just the other day at work I needed to flush a catheter (im a nurse). I hadnt done it in months and wanted a refresher. First I went to a nurse and she gave me verbal step by step instructions and I still had no clue what she was talking about. I then got a book with the same step by step directions with text and picture. Still didnt understand. She had to come with me, and talk me through it as I did the actions. I then understood what I was doing.

I dont know. I have a problem trying to explain things like I am now. I have a hard time coming up with the right examples. Its hard for me to sort through all my thoughts, find the right words to convey what im trying to say. Writing is easier since I can re-read what Im saying and stay on track. I can stop and think about it. When I read things I am able to read over and over and with the ADD I tend to just skim and miss a lot. But I can still go back. i think though its because my brain is going way too fast. I know I do have a low vocabulary and always need to look things up. I think this is my biggest problem. The reason being, yeah, I dont understand definitions. I need to look at synonyms and have examples. Plain definitions dont work.

*shrug* who knows.

All I know is that Im starting to think of and find ways to help me better understand. I think its more my brain is going to fast, some hearing problems, and my lack of “word knowledge”.

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[Carrie]

Here perfect example!

I just looked up the definition of “concept”

–noun

1. a general notion or idea; conception.

I have NO clue what this means! A general notion or idea?? Do they mean… just a general thought? I think so…

2. an idea of something formed by mentally combining all its characteristics or particulars; a construct.

Pffff this one. Who knows! Its too long. I have to read it VERY slow. So… An idea made… by… combining all the characteristics of something in my head?

3. a directly conceived or intuited object of thought.

See, now I would really have to look up the word conceived… I THINK I know what it means… Like to conceive a child! So… to make a thought?

Theres a perfect example! Now I feel really dumb for all this. I dont know why I have such a hard time. I feel stupid thats for sure! If I take it really slow, I can get it. But it takes a lot for me. I think due to the ADD I just go too fast and dont have patience. I HATE SLOW! But because of it, have problems comprehending.

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[Anonymous]

Carrie thank you so much for the web site it very interesting and I’m going to try it!!

I love this forum I really needed others to understand what I’m going through!!! And I have a lot to vent about!!! Carrie I’m with you I need a visual lesson on anything. I read instructions but if there aren’t pictures I’m lost!! I have to find someone to help me understand what they want.

Carrie I’m on meds too, but I still have a hard time with my memory, my sisters always say that they don’t tell me anything because either I …

1. forget and mess up the “surprise” or say something that is a secert or…

2. they start talking about something that I’d say “wow I didn’t know that when did that happen” and they say “what are you talking about I told you about it yesterday you forgot already”

what i hate the most is I can’t either agree or deny them. And it always sounds like I’m lieing about it. How the heck can I lie about anything when I can remember what was said!!!Hahahahaha

kbtordai1170 – I do the same thing, but I never let anyone make me feel stupid. I always say it a matter of opinion I have my way and you have your and leave it like that!!! I have enough to worry about.

I did learn one thing that I like the person I am. It was a long road to get here. But no one is going to make me feel bad about myself. There are a lot of thing that I do really well and that is my “happy place” hahahaha

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[Carrie]

Yes! Same with me and my memory! I know exactly what your talking about! Not being able to agree or deny! At times I feel really bad about not remembering… My dad was over yesterday and was talking about a fishing trip we went on about 5 years ago. I couldnt remember it at all. He thought that was very strange and looked hurt that I didnt remember. I felt really bad so I pretended I did remember! It really irritates my husband too. He swears up and down he’s told me about things or this or that happened, and I cant remember a thing. And yes, I cant keep a surprise. Im terrible with it! haha

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[Anonymous]

I am going to see an audiologist…aghh!!!!

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[Author]

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