What if it does not work?

[Anonymous]

My son was dx 4 years ago, and I wondered then that maybe I did too. I have delt with depression and anxity for years and medication does not seem to work for me. Maybe that is because we have been treating the wrong problem, I don’t know. I have beaten myself up all my life for being lazy, not motivated, dumb (even though all my friends and family tell me diffrent). I have 4 children, with three of them having either ADD, Aspergers, Autism. With this they need a mom supper organized, wich as much as I try and make notes, read books, make organizers I’m still not. What if I get dx and get on medication and nothing changes. I’ve been so worried about it that I’m paralized.

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[Patte Rosebank]

People with ADD frequently beat themselves up with the “What if?” question, running through every possible scenario—most of them bad. Rick posted about this, in the “The Workplace” part of the Forum, in response to “In a spin” (http://totallyadd.com/forum/topic.php?id=434 ). His is the 4th posting in the thread.

I know it can be scary to face the question of whether or not you have this incurable (but very treatable) medical condition. But *what if* you get diagnosed, get on medication, and it changes your life for the better? Granted, finding the right med(s) and dosage(s) is a trial-and-error process, which can be frustrating…until you find the right ones, but when you do, it’s incredible!

Rick has described it as being like if you spent your whole life falling over things and thinking you were stupid and a hopeless klutz whom no-one would ever love…only to suddenly discover that it wasn’t you; it was that you happened to have one leg that was a few inches shorter than the other. Other people say it’s like going through life in a haze until you try on a pair of glasses and suddenly everything comes into focus.

Many of us have spent years being treated (with only slight success) for depression and/or anxiety or bipolar, before having an “aha!” moment that these are just symptoms of a lifetime struggling to function with undiagnosed ADHD. I am one of those people.

I’m still trying to find the right med(s) and behavioural adjustments, so I can make the best use of all the great aspects of having an ADHD brain, while minimizing the difficulties of it. But I am so glad I found out all my difficulties throughout life weren’t a case of my being “lazy, stupid, or crazy”, but of having a legitimate medical condition. Namely, a brain that works differently from most other people’s brains.

Medication won’t entirely solve the problems, but, for many of us, we need those meds in order to be able to properly implement the necessary behavioural changes. Since you’re having so much trouble with the necessary organizational structures to help your children, you probably need meds to help you too.

Medication is NOT a cop-out, or evil. If you had diabetes, you’d take insulin or Metformin to treat it, and nobody would blame you or say the drug companies were just trying to make money off treating your “imaginary” condition. ADHD is no different. It’s real. It exists. And, unless it’s properly treated, it is capable of causing a lifetime of problems.

You must get diagnosed and start treatment for yourself, in order to be able to help your children. The behavioural changes you learn about and implement to help yourself function better, will also help your children to function better. I’m seeing this myself, when I interact with my mom (who has ADD worse than mine) and a friend who has severe ADHD. It’s still a struggle, and I still get frustrated, but not nearly as much as before.

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[Anonymous]

You’re dealing with a lot because of your children’s problems. Anybody, no matter how well focused and organized, would find that overwhelming. The trick is not to have unrealistic expectations; not to get your hopes up way too high. Even if medication works really well for you, it’s never going to make your whole life better all by itself.

If you are diagnosed and try medication(s) and find one that helps, you’ll be better able to cope than you are now. If it doesn’t, then presumably you’ll be no worse off than you are now. So you’re choosing between the possibility that you might improve versus a certainty that you won’t (if you do nothing). It makes sense to worry about being worse than you are now if that’s a possibility, but if the worst that can happen is that things don’t change, I think that’s less a concern.

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[Anonymous]

Thank you so much for the encourgement, I know it’s time to work on this through a Doctor instead of trying to do everything on my own. I am ready for a change so I can help myself and children.

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[Author]

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