… And so here I am after feeling alone for many years. I am 30 years old. Many tell me I’m still young and though in some ways I agree, I can’t help but feel how much of my youth I lost in sadness, due to failure and a low self esteem.
I think about my dreams as a teen to become a lawyer and then I remember skipping school because I had failed to do my work.
I think about how for a time I spent my life high as a kite and drunk as a skunk to sooth the feelings of being less than other people.
I think about all the times I was called lazy and how in time I started to believe it.
I think about the times I was told ” I love you” by a beautiful girl only to have her tell me she is leaving because I would not give her the life she wanted.
All in all I think about the “What could have beens”
I recently hit 30. Never had I felt more alone. Then I found this site and it has given me a bit of hope. You see after failing for so long faith sort of disappears. I had been diagnosed with severe depression for many years and put on meds but still not really improving until one doctor said “maybe you have ADHD”. After the diagnosis and a bit a research things seem a bit more clear. But I have yet to start treatment. My treatment will start in January. I hope this will help me to finally begin a somewhat happy and close to normal existence.
If you are in treatment I would love to hear your story.AnonymousInactive
Hi! Manny, it is interesting to read your story. I had the same feelings and had to find out myself by accident. I always felt that no one could be depressed all there life. I sign myself up for a study and learn that the study was for ADHD. It took me a years as well to know what was going on with me emotionally. I did take medication and it really helped. You will know the difference in your life. it help in many ways as your working to sort through the emotoions of all the years not knowing.AnonymousInactive
My story is pretty much the same as Manny’s, except I’m 60. I just got divorced from my 3rd wife in febuary this year, after 2 years of separation, and 6 years together. I found this site, and am going to get diagnosed, and hopefully get recognized with ADD, and start treatment. My ex just caught her new man cheating on her for the second time, and called me…perhaps if she knows I haveADD, she might be willing to help me get my life back together, and finish the journey we started together…’tis to be hoped for.
I suppose the main thing is; now I can understand a lot of what has happened to me, and with help, live a much better life from now on!AnonymousInactive
Sorry to hear about that Bear but I totally relate to your love experiences. Being that I can barely care for myself and still living at home, having stopped trying to work from about 2 years ago, I think you did pretty well. I’m not even in a position to ever have a marriage.
I honestly have no clue how I managed to make it this far. My biggest wish for you is that you get the help you need and get the life you deserve back.
It seems that most of the people who are getting therapy and treatment do quite well. That in itself soothes my angst.FearwidgParticipant
20 Minutes, Folks.
That’s how long it took – after I took my first meds at the age of 46 – for my life to change.
Thought it was all bull – or at the very best, highly suspect … then I took that first pill.
20 MINUTES later, my mind cleared and I had sharp focus – ON DEMAND – for the first time in my life.
Went through the classic stages you’re talking about … What if I’d found out sooner? … All those wasted years … etc.
But you DO get past that and finally realize – “Oh well. At least I know NOW. So what do I do with the REST of my life?”
Get a good Doctor. Get a THOROUGH diagnosis. Work with your Doctor to find the RIGHT meds (it may take more than one), and the RIGHT dosage. Take the meds you’re prescribed WHEN you’re supposed to take them. Then – with your brain FINALLY working at peak efficiency – go to work fixing the problems you couldn’t (COULDN’T) before, and prepare for the best years of your life.
And remember: You’re not “on meds,” you’re “OFF ADD.”Rick Green – Founder of TotallyADDParticipant
There’s good stuff in what you say, Fearwidg. It’s a challenge to change lifelong habits, and to realize those habits and behaviours are not you, just stuff you’ve done.
The diagnosis is difficult and tricky. So you need a reliable doctor. But doing a lot of reading ahead of time is good. The videos on the symptoms and diagnosis get into some of that.
One of the issues I still struggle with, and I’m wondering if this is common with other ADDers, is that I have this need to control everything. I like things planned. I’m not big on surprise parties. I want to know where the kids are. It shows up in a lot of little ways, worrying about things or events before they happen, making sure everything is ‘covered’ and everything that could go wrong has been anticipated.
And when I have people working for me, I often give them a job, then end up taking it back when they do one aspect of it wrong. Rather than make sure I explain it well, checking often to see how they’re doing and giving them feedback I go to, “It’s just easier if I do it.” And so I end up stuck doing the stuff I want to pass off. I think this lack of trust in others is partly a result of stuff going wrong in the past and me having no idea why.
I wonder could it also be, since there are things I’m not good at, and struggle with, I can’t imagine someone else can breeze through it, and could actually come up with better results, or at least different but equally good results, if they took it on.
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