Why am I so scared??? 53 and just discovered it wasn't a joke :

[Anonymous]

Greetings Everyone and Thank You for this wonderful forum;

I think I’m in a state of shock that I’m actually taking the first step to finally gain some insight to explain why my parents, friends, bosses, and husband accuse me of being a “thoughtless, lazy, rude, disorganized airhead”.

So many emotions, so many questions, so many huge piles of…well… EVERYTHING. {,,,sigh…}

Last October was my wake-up call. I was chatting with a friend of mine who teaches special needs children, when I jokingly said “I can’t believe I forgot my phone again – I must have ADD!” And she flatly stated, “You do know that you most certainly have ADD, right?” It was like a slap in the face. For the first time, I had to actually consider the possibility that I really do have ADD – Then I started researching it.

After taking every ADD test and questionnaire I could find online, it appears that I do indeed have almost every symptom. It took me a couple of months (and a lot more research) to get up the courage to talk about this with my hubby, and when I did he threw all the typical nay-sayer retorts at me, claiming this was yet another “excuse” for my bad behavior. So, I took all the post-its and binders filled with notes on my lifelong ADD-related problems and tossed them in the garbage. No way was I going to go down that road without a support system!

Then last Monday, out of the blue, my husband announces that he is now convinced that ADD explains most of my issues. The next day I made an appointment with the first available psychiatrist in my health care network. What’s stressing me out is that she has no mention in her bio that she treats or has studied ADD. The health care network associate I spoke to said that according their listing for her, she does accept adult patients with ADD, but I have a really bad feeling about this doctor and I haven’t even met her yet. I’ve never felt like this about any other new doctor – Am I making too much out of this??

Now I’m trying to decide if I should wait until July when the psychiatrist who specializes in treating adults with ADD is available, or go to the appointment I have on the 11th and see what this other doctor says. They are both in the same office and I was told I could switch to a different doctor within my network if I wasn’t comfortable with the first one. I’m just so overwhelmed by all the horror stories I’ve been reading from folks who had to go to multiple doctors to find one who would even test them.

I appreciate any thoughts, suggestions or words of encouragement Thank you!

Lu

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[Scattybird]

Hello Lu – welcome to the forum.

It is so mind blowing when someone tells you that you have ADHD and you didn’t figure it out 30 years ago for yourself – I understand how you must have felt. A similar thing happened to me. You think, well why couldn’t someone have said that years ago….

It is good your husband seems more understanding of your situation now.

There is no need to be scared but there is every need to ensure your see the right person.

Can you be sure to get an appointment with the specialist in July? My thought is if the one who knows about ADHD can see you in July then that would be your best option. Afterall it is only a few weeks away. I know you probably want this sorting now but…..

I was lucky and found a specialist in adult ADHD and saw her as a private patient. My GP has no experience of ADHD and I would have been sent on a wild goose chase had I gone there first – only because she wouldn’t have known what she was dealing with.

If you have to pay for your consultation then hold out for the specialist. On the other hand you could see the one you booked an appointment with now and ask to do the assessment. If you feel it’s out of their depth then transfer.

Read up as much as possible about coping strategies in the mean time.

Good luck – let us know how you get on.

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[Anonymous]

@2muchtodo : Congratulations on making this important step. You’ll soon have the relief you deserve. My life changed for the best 2 years ago when I started on Concerta. That’s when my son was diagnosed with ADHD too. Double relief. I can understand his distress and yours. No pill is a miracle, but I can say that for myself, there’s a great improvement. What remains to be worked out are routines and organization. Impulse control is great. I don’t spend for no reasons. No more buying 10 t-shirts because there on sale and because I must have every color they make (even if I only wear black, white and pink). I stopped accumulating so much. I’m much calmer and at peace. Concentration is now possible. Even the piles are smaller, there are less forgotten appointments, I manage to find my keys. Once, my keys got stuck in a laundry basket that’s been sitting there for many days…

My life started at 43! I’m sure the worst is behind me because everything was a mess before. Of course I’ll always wonder about ‘what might have been’ if I hadn’t had ADHD or if I’d been treated 35 years ago. I do get frustrated sometimes about the lost opportunities, but I know it won’t bring back all that time. My life starts now. I spend less time comparing myself to others because they don’t have my story. I compare the new ‘me’ and the former ‘me’ and I can’t believe it. Baby steps, of course. One day at a time. I have a second chance to make it better and so do you and everybody in this forum. We all offer tremedous help to each other and that’s the best therapy. Reading all the great threads is like talking to the best specialists in the world, because we know first hand!

Hang on, you’re almost there and you’re not alone with this forum. Keep us posted.

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[kc5jck]

I agree with Scattybird, Wait and get an appointment with an ADHD doctor. In the meantime, educate yourself about ADHD keeping in mind that there is a lot of bad and misinformation out there.

This site is a good place to get pretty good information, but even so, we don’t always agree with one another. Get the advice and take that which you feel is right for you.

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[Anonymous]

Thank you all for your input and encouragement!!!

Today I realized that preparing for my first appointment is mostly why I have been in such a sorry state the past few weeks. Dredging up all the painful, frustrating memories from the past 50 years was very difficult. And it caused me to go into frantic “I can’t get this fixed quickly enough!” mode, which brought on severe anxiety and even more scattered thought patterns.

I have spent many, many hours reading everything I can find online, and it is hard to know which site is providing the most accurate ADD medical information and coping strategies. I discovered that some of the sites directly contradicted others, and both were written by professionals who have written books on Adult ADD. It will be hard to figure it all out and find what is best for me, but I believe that reading stories from people who are living it and have gone through the processes are going to be a wonderful asset.

Monday is a holiday so I’ll have to wait until Tuesday to call about changing my scheduled appointment. I did some searches on the doc that has the earlier opening and on two sites that allow patients to rate their doctor, she had VERY negative reviews. I don’t know how honest or accurate these type of reviews are, but it created even more doubts that I should opt for the earliest possible appointment.

I’m still trying to find my way all the forums here and which one I should be posting to. Once I’m on here, time just flies and the next thing I know, my legs are completely numb and it’s 3:00am!

It is a relief to know that I’m not alone in this and that there are so many people here who have had the same experiences. Until now, I thought I was a freak of nature…that there couldn’t possibly be anyone else who’s brain functioned like mine or who had dealt with the same weird issues.

I’ll update you on my progress, and thanks again for the support!!!

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[kc5jck]

Although not exactly your situation, the following link may be of interest to you.

http://totallyadd.com/forum/topic.php?id=2368

There is a lot of good information and funny stuff on this site but unfortunately, it is somewhat hard to find. It’s sort of like buried treasure or Easter eggs . . . and you never know where you will find it. I tried to systematically read through all the threads when I got active on this site last October. There is a lot to read now.

I was diagnosed last year. I’m almost 60. There seem to be a well defined and predictable range of emotions associated with a diagnosis which vary a bit due to age. It’s normal. You’ll get over it and move on. Medication may help if you can find the right one. If not, just the knowledge helps. You’re lucky since it doesn’t seem like you’re in a “crisis” situation.

This is a great place for support and information, don’t be shy.

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[Anonymous]

Welcome to the bright side 2much:

Fantastic advice given above and may I just add…

WATCH OUT FOR THEM BLOODY HIPPOS! THERE EVERYWHERE I TELL YOU

Pete x

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[Anonymous]

2much2do Good for you for looking into adhd and getting the help you deserve. It’s a scary, brave decision but your life will be better once you know for sure and your doctor helps you put a plan in place. I’ve been following my Doctors plan to the letter and I’ve seen a big improvement in my focus, productivity and happiness. I have much less anxiety and for once I’m beginning to feel confident in my abilities and hopeful for the future – not without some initial tears about what could have been and anger mind you! But I’m in a good place now.

Peter, I’m intrigued. I’ve been on this site for a few months and have to report that I have not seen any hippos 8O. Where are they and what do they mean? Can you give us a hint? 😆

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[JimC.]

@2much2do: wait for the doctor in July. simply there is no point in seeing a doc that is untrained, you’ll walk out discouraged as it’s unlikely anything will get resolved.

As Scattybird & kc5jck & others have said, educate yourself and if I may offer some light advice: make a list of questions you have between now and July. If you try to remember them, well, you know…. 🙄

There isn’t anything to be afraid of…you made it this far in life without any major disasters and so a few more weeks will be of no consequence; many here (including me) diagnosed late in life profess that diagnosis is actually a great relief. and with some help thereafter, you’ll do just fine.

Good luck and keep us posted. Jim

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[Anonymous]

Hi, I spent months reading on ADHD, remembering and writing the story of my life before I met a real specialist. I wrote by periods (0-5, 6-12, 13-18, and so on) and by subjects (friends, school performance, sports, hobbies, work, relationships, family, spending habits, obsessions, addictions..). I asked friends, HB and parents to tell me what they remembered. As you can guess, I was hyperfocused. Consequently, answering all the questions (oral and paper) on evaluation days was a brease. Everything was so organised in my head and the diagnosis was easy to do. Good luck!

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[Geoduck]

Wow. Lots of responses, already. Well, I’m going to have to respond without reading all those. No time, sorry.

There is this thing that all animals have that we, being humans, are encouraged to ignore. Instinct. If your gut is telling you to find a new doctor, follow your doc. Don’t ignore it!!!

What do you have to lose, here? You get a doc who may be better equipped at treating ADHD, if that’s the diagnosis, AND he or she will be “in network.” Seems win-win to me.

I had a psychiatrist who refused to to treat or even diagnose ADHD. She treated me for depression, which I didn’t have, instead. My ADHD symptoms got much worse.

Look, just take the time to get with the RIGHT doc. Don’t waste time on someone your gut is telling you is wrong. This is a real and serious disorder. If you have this, the sooner you get the right help, the better. Trust me!

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