Why is everything in slow motition?

[Faequine]

Hahahaha. Now that i have typed it i know why. I have no brain. I can’t rememeber diddly, i’m constantly distracated , i can’t focus, and it’s on the back burner. That is when it comes to dealing with all the ADD stuff. Hubby wants me to be educating myself about ADD. I know what is it, the 3 categories, but how it applies to the things i do seems to be a mystery. I have read and reread many articles that explain ADD behaviors, how they are seen by other people, what should be done (Vagualey IMO) to correct/improve situations, and many other things. Sometimes after all the reading i have a small light bulb moment, other times i’m more confused then before, or i’m completely lost.

I find most of what i have read is to vague for me to grasp. At the cost of aggrivating my husband if i ask him about it, as he can read it and understand it like crystal. So what do i not get about it? It says to try doing this method to try and solve this aspact of the behavors. (yes, i know this is vague, but i can’t remember details ATM) All i can think it HOW? How do you do it? It’s frustrating, i feel like there’s missing links. And so nothing is accomplissed, i feel deflated and hatered for AD grows brighter.

My hubby, has recently been more insistant that my medications don’t work. I can still fel them working, i get a certain wakefulness or awareness in the mornings, and driving in the afternoons, especailly in rush hour traffic is a ton easier if i have downed to afternoon dose. For what ever reason, and this has been confirmed by a doctor, I’m burning through a long lasting (6-8hr) medication in about 4-5 hrs or less. I feel drained, exshusthed, unable to focus on almost anything once the times up. I hate it, since most often the burn out peroid is once hubby gets home from work, and ADD is rearing up to show it ugly face with a vengence. It usually takes 5-15 mins to piss him off somehow. The shorter the time the worst the burnout it seems. Have i tried other meds? no and yes. The issue: they weren’t covered and i can’t afford to shell out 200+ per vial, thats not including the other medication i take.

I haven’t been to the normal family Dr in a while, i find it’s hard to drive out there most days, trying to get it to fit into everything else is another problem. Yet this should be easier, school’s done. But trying to find work in my field has been extremely challenging. I have also been trying to get my youngest into preschool, and i have to finish projects i’ve been working on for way to long (2yrs+). Oh and i’m suposed to clean the house, everyday, like it’s the 50’s and it’s to be spotless. Did i forgot something? Probably, where’d the time go? Frack guess times ups on doing ADD stuff again.

I feel like a hamster on an exercise wheel, i’m going no where no matter how fast i run. Crap i forgot to feed the fish again, dammit!

I wish i could go back in time where all this choaticness wasn’t here, i felt orginized, and mostly in control of things, instead of now where it’s the opposite. There’s is sooo much other stuff too, but as the hour gets later…… well i need to go to sleep, i should be up in 5 hrs anyway.

Sorry about any typos that are up in there.

Night.

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[Anonymous]

Faequine, the word “expectations” is what springs to mind. Maybe you’re expecting him to be p.o.’d with you within 5-10 minutes, and he’s expecting to be p.o.’d. And this expectation that the house be cleaned every day like in the 50’s – hand that boy a mop! Maybe there’s even a little fear involved – that he’ll be mad that it’s not done like he wants. Nobody does well at remembering stuff if they’re scared of missing something or if they’re constantly being judged!

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[FirstNations]

I’m already noticing the same thing with the medication…it burns out before it has a chance to carry me through the rest of my day. If it would last for the hours in a real day, instead of simply 5-8 hours, it’d make a lot more sense for people who’re really socked with ADD/ADHD. I’m honestly thinking you do need to have it adjusted. And yeah, the stuff costs TOO DAMN MUCH. Thanks, Big Drug companies!

In addition to that, you’re trying to live up to another persons expectations…his rate of learning, his housecleaning standards (every day? seriously? With kids? Bellamom is right-that boy seriously needs to ‘pitch in instead of b*%$# – in’.)

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[Anonymous]

Faequine, you’ve got a lot on your hands. Don’t be hard on yourself and don’t let your husband be hard on you either. Your treading water, trying to keep afloat and your husband should be throwing you a life jacket, not berating you for not swimming faster. If he’s read the ADHD literature, he should be more understanding and helpful.

My ADHD was manageable before I had kids too. I only had to look after myself, but when my son and daughter come along my ADHD symptoms went out of control. I suddenly found that on top of part time work and study I had to cook, clean, organise and remember for two other people and I didn’t cope. The house was always messy, I’d forget everything, was so tired and cranky. It gets better as the kids get older. I’m sure you’re doing the best you can and nothing else should be expected of you. Look after yourself, as well as your family. You’re just as important as them.

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[Anonymous]

I have been keeping my ADHD hidden so deep , for so long, this sight is so biographical! I am at a low (panic attack city) since mother’s day, eeek! now June , worst month, anyway now I must go ask the doctor to give me meds. In councelling and 2 hours yesterday we had a breakthrough. Must have been Venus in transit, cause I swear I feel that to! This is my first post! I am 50 this year and have coped with this all my conscious life, Diagnosed when I went back to school at 29 and got tested second year of university, but didn’t pay attention to that added stress at the time. Had 2 kids of my own, with a now ex who had three kids, I supported while attending university, working full time, doing the odd renovation, smoking THC, caffeine freak, dysthymia,

Today I am facing reality and getting this addressed medically . I can’t go any lower . anymore

I is good to answer the “why” finally. NOW the real work begins. Gotta clean the house too, ! Argghhhh~!!!

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[Faequine]

It has been pointed out to me that my point of veiw does not put things in the correct light. So I’ll back track a bit here and try to put in the things I’ve missed.

Trying to find time for the preschool appointments was a bit of an issue because i had forgotten about it, and had been on my way to another appointment when the reminder call came. (Them things are life savers, Drs should use them more) When everything was sorted out it was easy enough to get ready for, Kids are at school/daycare, while their Dad works, and when I work (i get some contract work, but totally not enough) i can, and when I’m not i can look for more of it.

What i consider important, is different from what my Hubby does. First we both agree is getting work, next is contributing to the family by cleaning. Which isn’t that bad untill be dissagree about the end result, and makes he think his standards are from the 50’s. My clean and his clean have never been the same, and i am trying to do it more his way, as it is more proper. Yet when there’s day(s) that i bust my butt washing walls, whiping off counters and inside cupboards, sweeping and scrubing the floor. And in the act of cleaning from top to bottom i had seporated the ‘junk’ into piles to be gone threw more thourghly later, and left them on the clean counters. So how that means that i didn’t do anything because it didn’t look like I did anything. The house wasn’t presentable. I have gotten better since this incident at understanding the presentable aspect, but how can he ignore the fact the i spent hours washing the fricking walls and saying it doesn’t matter?!

Achem. I’m starting to get a bit emotionally carried away, had to not when his veiw makes me feel worthless, and made him mad when i said ‘like it’s the 50’s’. This whole thing just pisses me off, even had it come up again recently to find out i’m still pissed about it. Bah, whatever….

He does/used to help out. Since i had kept my school stuff ( I thought) in a corner in the livingroom, (out of the way) uglifing our house, he stopped picking up/cleaning things till i cleaned it up about 3-4 weeks ago, it did take ~ 5 months even if most of that was during school. I’ve been waiting for him to pitch back in, but he hasn’t yet, and since I have been doing so much of everything on that front, i think it’s making me a bit anal with some things. Certain thing that i didn’t mind before (eg, ash from smokes, peices of paper lying around from the kids) are driving me up the wall now. I’m not sure that’s a good thing.

Back to the not important, important stuff. My projects. Regular stuff I do is to take care of my animals. My lizard and the fish. I have a totaly of 63 gallons of water to maintain for the health of those living in the 3 tanks. The quickest are the smaller 2 making up the first 13 gallons of freshwater. They can be more time consuming when I am trying to elimanate Algae and/or redo the aquascaping of the live plants. The largest and most time consuming is the 50g tank, it aveages almost 2 hours to just do a waterchange. I don’t dump the bucket of water in, i work a bit more slowing so i don’t need to spend time trying to re root the smaller plants I am having issues with getting established and I want to minamize the distubances to the fish as I have been trying to get some of them to breed. Any and all work is…… I don’t even know what to call it. He does care much for/about them, and hasn’t helped much in the entire time I;ve known him with anything. Best help i got was when I was pregnant and he’d carry the bucket, i was/am a bit stubron about it.

I also have spent alot of time trying to finish the landscaping for the lizards new cage. Something started almost over 2 years ago, and has been an issue before because for the length of time. I have recently made a lot of progress, and discovered a few set backs that i have yet to solve, but it still doesn’t matter. I don’t understand why he doesn’t seem to care about it now when it was such a huge issue before. Other then feeling a wee bit guilty for the lizard having to wait so long to move, I have also been trying to aviod future fights about it and getting it done more quickly. Also so he will stop seeing the enclosure as an eye sore, and hopefully see how great it can/will be.

I also help/work on my moms yard. I’ll cut grass, trim bushes/trees, do things in the garden, etc. I do the laundry at her house and i work off the debt i owe her, and get payed to do it. Physical work is calming to me, and even if I am only there for a couple hours attacking dandilions or something i walk away feeling great. Having grown up on an acerage it helps feel closer to what i consider are my roots. And I like getting an all most spirtiual feeling of working closely with the earth. He doesn’t understand many of my beliefs, and I don’t talk about them much either, i’m good for now enjoying them myself.

It also is an extension of my indoor attempts at having a green thumb…. not so succesfully. Even if the plant i keep end up dieing i still enjoy taking care of them, and trying new ideas to help them grow better.

These are the things i busy myself with. I use them to cheer myself up, and feel better about many things. Yet these are all things I have put on myself, they are things that i don’t have to do, and therefore in his opinion, or of what i understand of it, are not important. I don’t get why he doesn’t understand that if i didn’t do the things i do that creatures will perish for it. He doesn’t understand the need for some tasks to be regularitly sceduled. And i have tried explaining it to him before, i guess it’s his lack of giving a damn that made it so hard. He also doesn’t understand that i need to do somethings because of their importance to me. Something i still have trouble getting him to understand.

…. …. …. I think i have offically lost where i was going with this, but i hope in some way it clears somethings up. When he reads this later i hope it’s more ‘correct to the reality’ as i seem to missinterptrate so much of everything. I was going to get him to look over this, to find out how accurate it was. But since both of us are suffering from a lack of sleep (He’s out like a light right now) i will let him sleep, and paint some more of the landscape as it a nice quiet thing to do.

How much of ADD make me/us come across as careless??

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[kc5jck]

So if your husband has an issue with the cleaning, maybe you could get that “Honey I shrunk the kids” guy to shrink your husband so he could move in with the lizard and spend his day sunning on a rock. Oh, was there a question? 🙄

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