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Why now? I am mid way through my life and now I discover what I have.

Why now? I am mid way through my life and now I discover what I have.2012-09-15T01:00:53+00:00

The Forums Forums What is it? ADHD/ADD in Adults Why now? I am mid way through my life and now I discover what I have.

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    Post count: 14413

    I am 46 and work as a BI (Business Improvement coach) for a large company. In recent months I have been very very stressed with not being able to complete my jobs and not understanding things at work. I avoid meetings (Why not I leave them not understanding what was just said). I have a difficult time remembering things from day to day. I feel fatigued constantly, anxiety takes over most of the time and I snap at everyone at home constantly. My organizational skills are terrible and my focus is minute to minute I finish sentences for people. How many jobs can I start and not complete at home? This is only the start of what I have identified in one day.

    Now that I think back I have been doing these things to a certain extent as far back as I can remember. I struggled through High School, didn’t complete college and have restarted college numerous times only to stop again. I approached my counselor that my wife and I have been seeing for marriage counseling and told her of these things and my concerns. She started asking me questions and it identified me to the “T”. I feel that now I am comfortable and mature enough to acknowledge this and am now asking for help.TODAY I took a huge step in getting my life to were it needs to be. I have scheduled an appointment with a Dr. to actually get diagnosed and start to identify why and what I can do to live a better life.

    How many other have these same things happen to them at this age and what do you do or have done to better your life and those close to you? What do you do at work to improve?

    Just learning and trying to understand!!!!


    Post count: 162

    I think many of us who live more than half our lives unaware of our ADHD, reach a certain point where we have to deal with it. What precipitates that realization? we’ve known for a long time that we are different, but we assume that we are just a little eccentric, absent minded professorish, or maybe we just have a different value system/priorities to everyone else. We often have co-morbidities like anxiety, or depression from the stress of dealing with the ADHD symptoms. If we are lucky, someone, or something prompts us to find out why, and suddenly it all makes sense.

    So much is going to make sense now; it’ll blow your mind. The most important aspects of ADHD behaviors for me, were the ones that I really didn’t know were not normal behaviors. Impulsiveness can feel very normal until you are watching yourself buy something you know you don’t need, or saying something that didn’t need saying. Over reacting to emotions can also seem normal, until you see that your reactions do not produce the best outcomes.

    Meds help, knowledge helps, and therapy helps. I’m using a therapy called mindfulness, which is basically switching off the auto pilot and being consciously aware. It’s given me more control over my life generally ,and especially with communication and relationships. It’s as if I had been stumbling around in the dark before, and now with the lights on, I see the things I had been tripping over.

    As you learn more about ADHD, you will spend a lot of time reflecting on the past; that’s normal. To move forward, you will need to forgive yourself and others. Though it sounds strange, you will also need to be kind to yourself and others.

    Welcome to the great ADHD journey.


    Post count: 802

    I found out while on a journey to work out what was going on with our eldest son – I started seeing me in the information. Then, through work, I had to learn more and it was like I could suddenly see over the waterline. This site was a godsend. Knowing has literally completely changed my life. (I was 39 when I found out.)

    what do you do or have done to better your life and those close to you? What do you do at work to improve?

    I got diagnosed.

    I gave up teaching and I have started a new career.

    I take concerta.

    My husband took on the day to day housework and I do the stuff that can be done randomly.

    I have more self confidence,

    I stood up to a bullying influence in my life.

    I spend time doing things I want to do rather than things I think other people want me to do.

    I got cowboy’d up and learnt how to get stuff done MY way.


    Post count: 845

    Robbo – you should put together a book of the best posts from this site beginning with the two preceding.


    Post count: 146


    I feel for ya. I was diagnosed at 42 about a year and a half ago. And it seems pretty common to be diagnosed midlife.

    For me the symptoms got worse especially at work. I was seeing a therapist due to stress from my mother going through heart problems and the family struggles of caring for her. So initially I went seeking help for that. That’s when the therapist diagnosed me. Everything in my life was so imbalanced at that point that whatever coping and ways I had been doing to compensate either stopped working or weren’t working so well. I was surprised to have the AD/HD part of it. My therapist helped me to uncover a lot of things that I thought were part of normal life were really AD/HD. And it took him about 6 months to convince me to try medication.

    This has also been a godsend. The first place I have ever really talked to people who also have it.

    So here’s my list of things.

    what do you do or have done to better your life and those close to you?

    Got help

    Got diagnosed

    Education – watch the move ADD and loving it and ADD and mastering it

    Educated my partner and those close to me about what it really is

    Talk to others who have it

    Meditation – have to work at that one



    Have fun

    Forgive myself and others for the years I didn’t know

    What do you do at work to improve?

    I lost my job of 11 years due to AD/HD symptoms that I didn’t know were causing the problems.

    I freelance at home and still struggle with work but here are some.

    1.I read “Time management for the creative person” by Lee Silber

    you may not be creative but it could have been named “for the ADDer”

    2. Break my day down into sections when I will do certain tasks. Like 2 hour or 4 hour chunks.

    And have a 15 min break in the time chunks. I hyper focus

    3. Write down what I have to do. I thought I had super human memory powers but I do not.

    4. If I have to write a lot of stuff I have someone proof it. Or if I can wait for a day and then review before sending or submitting.

    5. Really pay attention to how long it takes me to do something. I have a habit a saying I will get something in sooner that is realistically possible.

    6. Took some job training workshops – they were really basic but a good reminder

    7. I been doing a reassessment or inventory if you will to track what things have been persistently causing problems. And being mindful about was it a bad job match or something I can change? The last job was a really bad match so I know what to look out for in the next job.

    Long post but glad to have you here. Hope you find this site helps you. It’s a really fun place. And we need that in our lives.


    Post count: 929

    Thanks for the reminder Kc, I’ve got a huge amount of files in folders with names like best of. The problem is that there are so so many good threads and posts here. Backed up on disk too. I just hope the team at totallyadd.com has all of the history backed up well. I got most of my education from the forum here the first 6 or 8 months. I started building a new thread “best of” idea but my own education has to take the bulk of my energy most of the time. I just have a gut feeling I’m better off just keeping the stuff I save for my own study. I don’t want to make anyone feel left out if they don’t get included in my “best of” thread.

    Fortunately my comprehension and ability to remember more of what I read, even while reading has improved too.

    <<” switching off the auto pilot and being consciously aware >>” Yeah, that’s an excellent, good and simple definition of mindfulness. Very much like the original Zen style of meditation I used to do in high school. Only I do it with my eyes open now. Especially if I’m driving. I found that driving with my eyes open generally works best, Once in a while it’s fun to do the “driving with my eyes closed game” for a quick jolt of adrenaline. I’m trying to cut back on that old habit. (seriously, that was just a joke) lol.

    <<” How many other have these same things happen to them at this age and

    what do you do or have done to better your life and those close to you? What do you do at work to improve? “>> Good questions.

    I’m almost 48, found out about Oct. last year. It’s been a very long haul. My diagnosis process went smoother than is goes for many. About 2 or 3 months to get the right medication. Only the last few months have I truly been sure the medications I take are right. I just made a small change in my pain medication that affect my ADHD for the better recently. The best thing was stopping the prozac. I’m finding that it can take as much as 6 months to completely adjust to stopping an SSRI medication. Nutrition makes a huge difference. I never thought I would be eating more healthy for my mental health just as much as my physical health.

    I’m finding that my reading comprehension has improved.

    Better short term memory because I’m less distracted.

    I don’t have that many people close to me. But the change in my ability to really listen, pay attention, not interrupt, and generally make people feel like I care about what they’re saying/feeling.

    I’ve let go of some friendships, mostly just acquaintances that were toxic to my self esteem. Sometimes changes don’t feel good, but in the long run I’ll know for sure what decisions I’ve made now were good or not.

    I’m still in the first year of learning how to live with ADHD. So it’s only being fair to myself when I can’t find a whole lot of positive change.

    Mostly I can’t think of the positive changes right now!. lol. Of course as soon as someone else posts on this thread I’ll think of some more good changes. I’ve got about an hour before the chance to hit “edit” one last time is over… Maybe I’ll think of some. Right click your mouse, then click on “reload page” :-)

    Oh I just thought of a good one.

    I have much better faith in my subconscious mind to solve problems that I used to not be able to let go, or at least take a break from. I’m less likely to get stuck into a mesmerized state of hyperfocus!… It’s fun to do the “hypnotized-eyeball head-nodding” thing just for fun. I got that quote from ashockly on this page, check it out http://totallyadd.com/forum/topic.php?id=2707 Even if I’m sitting here by myself in front of the computer. When I to my “hypnotized-eyeball head-nodding” impression, I always get a little ***chuckle snicker***

    More later mebby.

    Oh! just thought of another. I think at first the methylphenicate suppressed my sense of humor, but it’s more true that It’s more likely I’ll restrain it when it’s the wrong time and place. Can’t make any promises on this one though.

    I don’t have to hit edit and fix every single typo, or just writing error as much. I decide not to post some stuff I write at all. Just keep em for my own journal instead. Maybe I’m less of a perfectionist? or I just give myself a break easier. Yeah, mostly it’s just giving myself a dang break. :-)


    Post count: 929

    Doh!, I accidentally clicked on one of the links of this freaky spam above. It’s weird reading… I don’t feel so bad about some of my stranger posts after reading what xlowen has to say.


    Post count: 162

    Dang Robbo, I thought that was one of your post ;-)


    Post count: 845

    Hey guys, xlowen1989 is from a parallel universe. You know, the one where all those lost pens and car keys go. Well occasionally, one of their posts gets redirected over here through a wormhole which in this case, is actually an ass hole. Anyway, I lost one of my posts a couple of nights ago. I hope they enjoy reading it.


    Post count: 430

    KC5JCK, I just read your post as I was eating breakfast. I can say for a fact, now, that milk feels much better coming out the nose than does oatmeal.

    Thank you for a great laugh!

    BTW, Is that a Serval on your avatar?


    Post count: 845

    Thought for today from CJ the serval: Oatmeal is much more nourishing and easier to digest when swallowed.

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