wish I had a million dollars…

[Anonymous]

I’m in a rock and a hard place. I love life and I have a great life. Except I have a crappy marriage. Everyone thinks I should get out. But I can’t. We have an 11 year old son (who is ADHD) and I’m not ready to leave. My husband says he wants a divorce but, well… it’s complicated. I don’t really know exactly what direction to go from day to day. Don’t really know what I’m asking for, but I need support. A million dollars falling from the sky might help… being a mom (full time for 10 years) and self employed, I can’t exactly just buy him out!

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[Anonymous]

Maybe you should get advice from a councillor and a lawyer. I separated from my husband at Christmas time. It was a mutual decision and a long time coming, but very hard to go through in the early days. I think just adjusting to being a single mum, re-imagining your future and finding the confidence in yourself again is pretty traumatic, but six month down the track, I can see it was the best decision we made.

I have two children, one also with ADHD and they were my biggest concern and probably why we stayed together longer than we should have. And obviously, finances are a big concern. My husband moved out of the family home and is still paying the mortgage, but once the divorce is finalised I’m going to have to get my act together on the finance side (i.e find a full time job and get a mortgage under my own name). But I have a plan and I’m not so terrified that I won’t be able to provide for my family, as I once was (the ADHD diagnoses and meds are probably helping here). To be honest, the lawyer I saw was more helpful than the councillor, but both will help you 1) work through what you really want and 2) give you practical advice about child custody and dividing assets so you know where you stand to make good decisions about you and your sons future.

So far it’s working for me, but my husband is a high income earner, we own most of our home and I don’t think I’ll be on the poverty line once the assets are divided. Your situation might be different and I totally get sticking around in a miserable situation for the next 8 years for the sake of your sons life chances. Good luck with your decision. Its awful feeling trapped in a bad place and it sounds like you’re all in one at the moment.

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