Yesterday was a tough day.

[shutterbug55]

I have began and deleted this post at least 10 times over the past day. Today I will let my impulsiveness take over and see what happens.

I am still in the middle of being evaluated for ADD and I am passing the test with flying colors. Meaning there is no question I have it, we are trying to figure out what it is I got. Inattentive/hyperfocus seems to be winning the race but impulsiveness is a close second. I come in and work on the test for a half an hour or so and meet with my counselor to discuss the questions and how I answered them. I have dyslexia as well, and so I sometimes mess up the score card, because all I see is a sea of squares and dots and they all dance around on the page. This time also helps him gain more insight into my issues.

Yesterday, it was as if the authors of the test had followed me around throughout my life and wrote questions designed to touch nerves. My councilor didn’t miss this at all, and asked me how I felt about. I’m a 50 year old man, raised in a household of “boys don’t cry”.

I cried and couldn’t stop. Why? I don’t know. Frustration. Anger. People calling me a retard. The many times I have been fired. The list goes on.

When does it end? Cause I feel like a wreck.

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[Anonymous]

I know how your feel I have lost alot of jobs… I realize we need to work for ourselves…. yesterday I went for a walk along the beach picking up beach glass and driftwood… thinking about how hard it is on us how we were dealt a rough deal… my motherside of the family has ADHD

so my mother wasn’t very good mother or my; father….. It is rough when your dad is smart and the famous words that went around our house stupid pounding his fist on the table.. I end up lliving on the streets of Toronto just before I turned 15 felt saver there than at home…. I’m 53 I’m in a lousy marriage with a smart controling man… My low self asteem has prevented me for moving forward in life… 17 getting married since then just trying to servive… I have one friend most I lose because of my ADHD… My son’s treat me like I’m stupid they watched my husband treat me that way. But I just started to fight for me about 2 years ago…. I drove across Canada with my dog….. It was the best time I had…. he was up to every sujestion I made…. I wanted to leave I was tried of the abuse verbal ….. But I stayed because I felt that I was to stupid to provide an income to support my kids… Can you image 17 making a descion on getting married…. I have wanted to leave over the years but everyone would come down on me…. My kids who I love so much my oldest couln’t even talk to me… My mother blew up with me…

I would fall into place…. It is unreal even has an adult the damage and control that some one can have over you because the abuse they put you through has a child….. Then my husban picks up were my father and mother left of…… i didn’t ;have any self respect at all…. Many times over my life I wanted to end it… Just like my brother did he was only 22……But in the end two years ago when my 29 yearold son says dad won’t let you do that I said he isnt my father… I can do what I want…. I drove out west to B.C from Nova Scotia I went out west i did the walk over in Spain there are hiking trails over there……..Only to come back to a controling man I fell sick mentaly on top of having ADHD My life is worth the fight I found I started correct my son’s when they would be interupting or not treated me well… I started telling people were to get off including my mother….

I disown my sister……I felt like a beaten down dog… But i found the fight with in me I do what I want now……. I didn’t askk for this

And I paid the price long enough for my mistake I was only 17 not preagnent when I got married….

Some day every one finds that they are worth it… For a better life everyone needs love respect and if you don’t have it for yourself why should any one else… I meet alot of rude people who were smart I met alot self center people but one perfect person…. Clamdigger

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[Anonymous]

Clamdigger…

I understand your frustrations. Tough day for me today. I awaken every morning somewhat disoriented, unmotivated and sad. Not even sure why or for what reason, but as make myself get up and go out, I am fine…The day gets better always. Mornings are the roughest times for me. It seems I am happier being nocturnal so when the morning arrives I am still sleeping. When I awaken my ideas and thoughts are numb or I just say my left hemisphere of my brain is stifled.

Peace….

Mudslinger

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[Anonymous]

I find with the ADHD I can dwell on things complusive thinking… But I’m working hard at becoming myself… I have realize that every one has the power with in them… what is going to happen my husband wants a divorce my mother wont’ speak to me or say unkind things…. In the end I started saying I have the power in me to do what I want …. And every one can go pound sand… So I have been doing that… The past two years.. And I find that it is working….I realize you set people up to treat you a certain way.. And I didn’t get respect…. But know I’m going to take a permaculture course and work at getting my own money…. And I’m doing what I want more… All i can do is move forward…

Devils hold ADHD Clamdigger

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[dspicelady]

Clamdigger-you impress the crap out of me! Nothing keeps you down for long. You’ve had many rotten things happen in your life, but you just keep getting up, dusting yourself off, and heading out into the world with a bigger understanding of yourself. You are an inspiration. Thanks for being here.

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[trashman]

hope its ok if I chine in? this is a problem with alot of adders that we take every word that is spoken striate to heart and it is very personal ,I dont know why but people dont get it every negative word cuts much deeper in the heart then they think I know that is true and I can also relate to you story. having said that I know we are are own worst enemies we seem to focus on the negative instead of the positive things said to us or about us. so I think you are Great start to note the good that people say about you. all the gifts and talent you have are just waiting to be used so use them and enjoy. you only live once. hope I havent started something by saying that lol. hope this helps

BEST WISHES TRASHMAN

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