You just don't get it, do you?

[Anonymous]

I’m really, really, REALLY tired…of all the bs that gets dumped on me because of ADHD. I’m beyond frustration with the constant issue with an issue, that was caused by my issue which in turn became his issue, just to give birth to another issue! Ok…so you’ve read books on ADD, I’ve explained to the best of my ability (which is excellent) what it feels like, what it is, why it is…and STILL… You just don’t get it, do you?

Which part of “syndrome”, “neurological”, “chronic” et cetera, et cetera, is beyond comprehension? I love me, I have accepted me. I have worked damn hard on me. Yes, mind over mattress is an issue for me…so what? Despite a bruised and battered soul, bleeding from the wounds caused by your insults, time and again, I still get up and do what needs to be done to provide for my boys. Despite your opinion of me, I know my strengths, and I suspect that you feel inferior to them. Not by choice, of course not, by default, YES. You look at me and the gifts I have received, and you envy. You fear. You judge. So what if I’m impulsive and change MY arrangements that I have made with MYSELF, on the last minute? At least my friend, I’ve made some arrangements.

You label my kind heart and compassion as atrocious….and yet, it is that same compassion and kind heart that brought some life back into your dead existence. It is that atrocious part of me that people will always remember, that drives me to give (if needs be) the shoes from my feet to a needy person right there and then. And you my friend?

My patience is perceived as lack of rigid discipline…. whilst I’m building a relationship with my children with the stones of respect,empathy, patience, respect, love, communication, respect, fairness, kindness, and oh, did I mention respect? And in spite of my (God forbid!) handicap, I have more structure and routine in my house, with them 3 boys, than most people would ever have.

Humor, my friend, is not a commodity that one can simply throw to the wind. Yes, I do see humor in even the gravest of situations, does that qualify your perception that I am unable to feel? Does that qualify your perception that my EQ is well beyond 0? Finding humor in everyday life is what keeps MANY alive my friend. You know why? It creates HOPE, my friend, something you might invest in.

Oh, the mess!!! You are so eager to confess my sins, LOL i.e how disorganized I am and yet my friend, despite them 3 boys LIVING in my house, I’d give 90% working moms a good run for their money when it comes to organizing. Yes, I do forget things, I do misplace things, I do lose things…but damned if there’s been no improvement thus far! OCD really comes in handy here!

Bad parenting…Being the ADHD mom of an equally strong willed child with ADHD is not for the weak and feeble my friend! Why is it that the non-ADHD sibling is praised by the school principle for having the best manners of all 350 pre-schoolers? Just stop and think about that…written on paper in her own handwriting….where on God’s green earth do you think that comes from? It was taught and reinforced (by the grace of God) by this mom with ADHD and her inability to give up on something worth achieving.

The list of my gifts goes on and on, and I think what infuriates you most is the absence of a “victim” mindset. I’m not a victim here! ADHD doesn’t qualify me to fit into that mold! I have talents just like you. I have my ups and downs, just like you. ADHD is not an excuse I use for my mistakes, or a dumping site for my responsibility. I have a well developed sense of self-responsibility, thank you very much! And in all honesty, you can vouch for me on all of the above.

I can only control my response to any given situation, as for the rest…I have given up on the illusion that I can control my life. I can’t. And if I can’t control my life, what in blue blazes gives you the idea that you will be able to control my life? Having ADHD doesn’t mean that I don’t have the ability to be proactive, nor does it mean that I am not able to empathize with others. It also disqualifies the notion that I am incapable of feeling…

So next time my friend, just pause (it should be easy enough, you don’t have ADD right?) and think for a moment before you speak and add your name to the growing number of brutally “honest”, misinformed, insensitive, egocentric, ignorant, arrogant, judgmental, critical, and emotionally blunt NORMAL people out there.

You just don’t get it, do you?

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